Thursday, November 5, 2009

Weekend Wrap - Last Edition

As I expected, Ramon Insertnamehere in real life was not anywhere near the cantankerous cunt-cunt he purports or desires to be. In fact, he was a caring and charming fellow... something I'm sure he doesn't want anyone to know. Melba was her usual vivacious and sexy self.

What I want to know is how come Melba left with about 67 lemons, and I left with five.

*

Sorry everyone. I got home Tuesday night after The Melbourne Cup and wasn't in the mood to type. I planned to write the post Wednesday morning but two things happened. One, that mosquito of existence, reality, invaded, and I was forced to confront work things. Two, when I finally got the chance to do the post I found myself reluctant. I'm over my weekend wraps. There's the small issue of Obtusa reading these entries, but the larger issue is that the therapeutic value which I thought I was gaining by writing the posts turns out to be nothing but a fallacy.

In a way, the five days (Fri-Tues) shoulda / coulda been my greatest ever post. There were Suicide Girl tantrums, there was a mad and drunken party in my house with sex and fights and even a creepy room invasion. There was a band gig that involved classic rock-pig adventures. There was a post-Death family Cup Day party to ponder and examine. There was the Very Important 'Third Date' with Obtusa that of course requires subsequent reflection and decision and offer... So much to consider, and so little motivation to publish it all, other than to entertain you all. Which I want to do, but not at the expense of my dignity, which finds itself, for the moment, a little frail.

I am in a way melancholic, and in a way free.

If I ever get a girlfriend I'll let you all know.

This weekend I plan to do my weeding, and like Melba's accurate assesment of the narrative structures of contemporary Australian novels, this weekend "As Perseus takes to his garden with a trowel and gloves to rid the yard of unwanted growths, he unwittingly reflects on his own life and the emotional weeding he must attend to..."

All that's left is Discharge's 'Love Gumby' doll, with totally un-authentic tie-colour selection. And a much better tan than I have.

36 comments:

Puss In Boots said...

Huh?!

Mad Cat Lady said...

67 to 5? did you play poker with the lemons?

Cath said...

Poor Perseus. Kitten's ravings have finally left our hero with a conscience.....

BAD KITTY!

Perseus said...

Huh?!

I think I was little too abstract. Poor Obtusa thought I had dumped her by blog.

To explain...

I'm no longer doing Weekend Wraps if they involve Love Gumbyness.

I'm weeding out negative emotional growths, not people.

kitten said...

Every cat needs a good scratching post - damn you for taking away mine!!!!

If I promise to be good, will you bring it back? My need for vicarious debauchery outweighs my need for moral superiority.

kitten said...

PS. Pun wasn't intended, but quite good nonetheless :-)

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Egad!

My gaff is blown, I am undone, and so on and so forth.

What I want to know is how come Melba left with about 67 lemons, and I left with five.

That's because Melba is making limoncello.

wari lasi said...

You've nothing to be sorry for mate.

I suppose now I'll have to come up with a Thailand trip summary.

eat my shorts said...

Sigh.

Oh well.

Back to talking about ... talking about ... what do we talk about when we're not talking about Pers & his love life?

My gaff is blown, I am undone

And I thought this was a "family friendly" blog.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

And I thought this was a "family friendly" blog.

Since when?

Melba said...

1. Thank you for calling me vivacious and sexy. I am never going to meet anyone else from this blog, so that little descriptor can stand unchallenged. And people, he wasn't even drunk (I don't think) and it wasn't night (we were outside). You, sir, are a gentleman.

2. I feel bad about the lemons actually. I re-read something you'd written about how many you needed and you said a dozen. I did take most of them, and all the big squashy ones, and for that I shall offer you some of the aforementioned limoncello when it is ready to drink.

3. Dude, you left out the best bit of the pub-lemon meeting. How we said "oh, these are really nice" and "yeah, it's quality gear" as we both stuck our heads in Ramon's bag and then we felt excited thinking it sounded like we weer doing a shifty drug deal and it was all terribly funny. Was I the only one amused by that? I was expecting a classic Perseus/Lewd Bob dialogue treatment of that moment.

WitchOne said...

Farewell dear friend, farewell. You've kept me warm through cold winters nights, reading your adventures about your heartbreaks, aches and pains which have had reflection in my own heart, knowing as I do that the heart is fragile and not at all heart shaped.

Drunken debauchery, parties out of hand, random hook ups and disastrous dates. I've lived through my own and yours, it has amused me, made me cringe and had me shouting with glee. I've fallen a little in love with your (at times) inept romantic style yet I have such high hopes for you in the end that no woman will ever be good enough for you.

I'll miss your weekend wraps and will now away to sob. Manfully. Because sobbing like a girl is SO not cool.

Oh, and I was going to say that Melba got more lemons because she's doing something interesting with them, like making an alcoholic drink. This is useful, far more so than use as a garnish, flavour enhancer or ingredient.

eat my shorts said...

Since when?

Since always, of course.

Fad MD said...

Surely not? Now I will have to work or something instead of scrolling through 200 comments on love-gumbyness.

By the way, laying paving sucks. My back is killing me and I'm only halfway through.

patchouligirl said...

Never say never Perseus. And while Perseus lives through the private chapter of his romantic journey (give it a week or two and he'll be back), please feel free to entertain us with your adventures Wari.

Perseus said...

Yes Wari. Your turn to be a figure of riducule.

Dr. Golf said...

I feel a bit like Ben Affleck in Good Will Hunting, when he goes to pick up Matt Damon from his house, to happily discover that he has moved on.

Roll the credits.

"What did you think?"

"Yeah it was good. Ending was a bit of weird, I wanted to know what happened to him".

"Yeah that was annoying, I didn't understand the significance of the lemons either".

"I know, that made no sense".

homesick said...

And here is was thinking that Pers could very well be TSFKA's answer to Woody Allen.. all that self- ridicule could've made you a successful biographical playwright.

A gentleman's gentleman Pers.. thats you. Obtusa should see this as nothing more than an act of interweb chivalry.

As much as I will surely miss your very witty & well written accounts of your life, I understand that we must all 'leave you to it' and and allow you to live your life without documenting it for our entertainment.

Oh and by the way, I suggest Mr E amend the doll's clothes from suit to more of a goth pirate outfit.. its how we would want to remember Pers.

Dr. Golf said...

And here is was thinking that Pers could very well be TSFKA's answer to Woody Allen..

A tad harsh. SG is no Soon-Yi.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I thought that was pretty funny, Melba.

Melba said...

Good. It was funny. Using words like "soft" and "juicy" instead of "uncut" and "pure".

And on another topic, squib, do you take commissions? I was wearing my Darwin yesterday at work and a colleague was very taken with him. She will pay for him. She wants him badly. And I won't give her mine. I said you can do anyone, and she said she wants Charles.

Cath said...

Documentary Drama on tv on Sunday night on Charles Darwin....

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Melba, does your work colleague want some lemons?

homesick said...

And here I was thinking that Pers could very well be TSFKA's answer to Woody Allen..

A tad harsh. SG is no Soon-Yi.



Not for Allen's peodophilia tendencies Dr G.

*rolls eyes*

SG was but a blip... good creatively, but a blip nonetheless.

Melba said...

You won't believe this Ramon, but all those lemons you gave me, plus four more I already had only yielded 100 grams of the good stuff. Rind that is. (I'm making kid lemonade with the rest of the lemons.)

I need 300 grams of grated rind though. I am going to buy more lemons now to get another fucking 200. I have a litre of vodka and need 300 gs. Or I could halve the recipe but it's a lot of labour so worth doing a larger quantity. That's my excuse anyway.

Instead of grating the rind I am going to try peeling with a vegetable peeler, which some recipes say is the way to go. Probably for this very reason.

I will report back on the state of the rind sitch later.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Seems like a lot of work, Melba.

Melba said...

Have you ever tasted limoncello?

I believe it's worth it.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Have you ever tasted limoncello?

No, but I'd like to taste it.

Was that hint obvious enough?

eat my shorts said...

Documentary Drama on tv on Sunday night on Charles Darwin....

Which channel? I'll be looking for something (anything) to fill the Wuthering Heights void.

(Oh, Heathcliffe. Sigh.)

No, but I'd like to taste it.

I've never tasted limoncello either. I'm guessing you can't whack it in the post though, eh? Maybe I'll make some of my own. Is it expensive to make?

Melba said...

Limoncello update: bought a doz more lemons for $11. This time I used vegie peeler instead of grater, so Ramon's lemons are the grated peel and the store-bought ones are the long bits of peel.

300 grams are now submerged in uno litro de vodka.

I may just be able to post you a wee dram EMS. People send all sorts of stuff through the mail these days as long as you declare it. Stay posted.

I don't think it's expensive to make just time consuming. The rind will need to "relax" in the alcohol for ages, like 43 days or until a piece of peel snaps like a potato chip. Then I have to make the syrup and add to the strained alcohol and leave it for another 40days.

This recipe is biblical I tell you.

So Ramon, we might need to have another beer in the meantime. We are looking at an 80-day minimum turnaround.

eat my shorts said...

Melba: Consider me staying posted, so to speak.

If there's one thing I'm not, it's time poor at the moment, so putting time into making grog doesn't really put me off (as long as I can do it before March next year - or if not, I could always leave it as a parting gift to my landlords), it's the outlay of cash that would have me in trouble.

I could save for a couple of weeks to buy lemons. I could do that.

WitchOne said...

Melba, bimbo, love, I did offer lemons, without (stated) expectations of payback.

Meh.

No one noticed my eulogy either, what did I expect??!!

Alex said...

If there's one thing I'm not, it's time poor at the moment, so putting time into making grog doesn't really put me off (as long as I can do it before March next year - or if not, I could always leave it as a parting gift to my landlords), it's the outlay of cash that would have me in trouble.

Have you considered a still? They're reasonably easy to build/operate and can be quite profitable to boot. Uh, not that I'd know or anything.

Melba said...

Witchone, please read the comments properly before you start calling me a bimbo. Otherwise I might call you stupid. That would be fair, wouldn't it?

WitchOne said...

Melba, I did read them properly, via the one open eye at the time.

And bimbo is not an insult here in downtown boganville, more a term of endearment. So if stupid is essentially the same thing wheree you come from, feel free, I haven't an issue as well as no doubt that it's occasionally true.

squib said...

Melba - I've been away - I'm happy to pop one in the post this week some time