Thursday, April 1, 2010

A Dilemma

Here's my dilemma:

I have next week off. This is amazing. I haven't had a week off in five years. I get days off frequently, but never a whole week (except that dud one in between Christmas and New Year, sometimes, where I am always hosting guests at my house, which is harder work than work).

I decided two months ago that in my free week I would get into my car and head north, to nowhere in particular. My aim was to rock up in small towns off the highways and search for bric-a-brac joints and drink beers with locals, and stay in dodgy rooms above the pubs. I was prepared to drive as deep into the desert as I could.

I told my band about my trip, and the drummer, Mad Irishman, asked if he could come. I decided to say yes because of all the people in the band he would be the best to travel with, and besides, he is handy, mechanically, and could fix the car if something went wrong.

We then realised that two guys (in a band) rocking up in small desert towns looks very gay and so we decided what we needed was a token chick. We invited Miss Flatmate, a 23 year old emo chick (and friend of the band) who was happy to accept and so, for the past two months, that was the line-up of the roadtrip.

In the past three days, things changed.

Miss Flatmate is the housemate of Miss Artist (my former lover, who Melba does not approve of) and The Songstress (my recent squeeze). She is also the cousin of the Songstress. It's how I met Songstress, through Miss Flatmate.

I mentioned here at TSFKA that some things happened between the Songstress and I recently and that I was very happy about this, particularly as I was spending so much time with Ponygirl at work. Well, it hit a wall, and she hooked up with some other bloke and I had given up. But last weekend, I stayed at the house after a night out with Miss Flatmate and caught up with Songstress in the morning. Shge must have enjoyed our breakfast chat because she rang me late Sunday night to say that she had gotten rid of the other guy and wanted to see me again. Anyway, one thing lead to another, and I invited her on the roadtrip and she said yes.

So for the last few days I've been ecstatic... I'm about to go on a fun roadtrip with three awesome people, one of which is my squeeze (we even planned to spend one night apart from the other two, in a swag, out in the desert, under the stars).

But, it has all turned very very sour. See, Miss Flatmate doesn't actually like her cousin Songstress very much. Loves her like family, but doesn't actually like her. Upon hearing that Songstress was coming on the roadtrip she totally cracked it. She argued that she was looking forward to the trip so she could get away from Songstress for a week, and I stuffed it up by inviting her. I argued back that it was my trip and I could invite who I wanted.

Miss Flatmate was so fired up, she actually went to Songstress and told her not to come. Songstress argued, "But Perseus invited me," and Miss Flatmate argued back, "And I'm telling you you're not welcome and if you come I won't speak to you." They then had a three hour fight, bringing up years and years of issues.

I got the call from Songstress at 11pm last night**. She was falling on her sword and pulling out from the trip. She said, "Miss Flatmate has made it clear that she won't speak to me on the trip, so, I'm pulling out." I said, "Bullshit, she's causing all the problems, so I'm prepared to sack her from the trip and have you instead," and Songstress said, "No, because Miss Flatmate has been looking forward to this trip for weeks and weeks and it's all she talks about and so I'm giving her right of way... You and I can go to the desert some other time," (yeah, right, when I have another week off in 2014).

So just when my romance is about to take off again, it's put on the backburner, because of the petulance of a 23 year old emo who hates her cousin. I've been trying to call Miss Flatmate to let her know how unfair this is but she won't answer the phone... and now she's at Confest out of phone reception so I won't actually see her until Sunday when Mad Irishman and I pick her up in NSW. I have a vague plan to not speak to her for the whole week.

Am I right to be pissed off? Or was Miss Flatmate right to be pissed off with me for inviting her cousin at the last minute? I knew they didn't get along that well, but I never realised the extent of it. The fight they ended up having was so bad, I doubt their relationship will ever recover. I doubt my friendship with Miss Flatmate will recover either. I effectively have to choose one of them... a long term friend, or a lover that may not last.


In any case, I shall record our desert trip and post a report when I get back.

**Not the only late night call I got... I also got one from a TSFKA person who I've never actually met, inviting me out tonight to a hotel room in Melbourne to meet up with her and a lesbian. I unfortunately could not make it, but I went to sleep with the fantasy.


squib said...

You know, you don't have to live your life like a Kerouac novel

Perseus said...

Funny you should say that, because one of our plans is to live off bread, cheese and red wine, a la Kerouac.

But Kerouac travelled by train and hithch-hiking, not by Subaru station wagon.

Mad Cat Lady said...

Bugger the both of them and just hit the road with the mad irishman. Why not leave the emotional rollacoaster behind for a week.

Perseus said...

MCL: Because Miss Flatmate is a very dear friend, and because Songstress is beautiful and in theory, my lover, that's why.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You're rooted, no matter what you do.

one of our plans is to live off bread, cheese and red wine, a la Kerouac

And cheap speed.

Perseus said...

The cheapest speed of all... Coffee.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Oh and Puss, you can listen to Triple J again.

Marieke's been given the arse.

catlick said...

Spur of the moment late inclusions are often a bad idea, especially when the rest of the group have had time to dream up a vision of the trip to come. Best done as a group decision, before making the offer. And, you are cramming it in. Buddy roadtrip/re-awakening "love" nature trip/which Australian explorer am I?

Pepsi said...

Miss Flatmate was probably dreaming of having sex with you in the desert on the big trip.

Then you go and spoil it by inviting Songstress.

Shes got to take her frustration out on someone, and Songstress coped it.

Poor Miss Flatmate.

This is one for the girls to sort out, you're just the penis they're fighting over.

Have a awesome trip.

And have more holidays, they are lovely things.

Mad Cat Lady said...

I am so told.

Then in that case I concur with both Catlick and Pepsi and request photographs of desert stars please.

squib said...

Catlick, Burke & Wills?

catlick said...

Squib, they'll do. Especially as the expedition was a shemozzle, and after allegedly dying of thirst they had their statues plonked ankle deep in water in the City Square in Melbourne, and had a memorial fountain erected in Ballarat. Lack of foresight and a touch of irony. Most appropriate.

squib said...

I remember them so well because my mum had a big barney with the staff in Hungry Jacks when I was a kid because I desperately wanted a Burke and Wills collectors glass and they wouldn't give me one cos you only got it if your meal included cola and mine had OJ

Puss In Boots said...

Pers - As Ramon said, you're screwed. But I'm voting for Songstress. I've never followed the "bros before hos" line (or whatever the equivalent female version is). If I'm happy with someone, I think my friends should be happy for me. I take their advice, but in the end, I'm not sleeping with/potentially marrying my friends. If they have a problem with my partner, that's their issue.

So yeah. Tell Miss Flatmate she's acting like a child.

And Ramon, no I can't. They've got some moronic 12 year olds hosting the breakfast show now.

catlick said...

I desperately wanted a Burke and Wills collectors glass and they wouldn't give me one Squib does this mean we wont be seeing you on Collectors?

squib said...

I have an impressive collection of paint swatches

RandomGit said...

I think you should make it clear to Miss Flatmate that she has made things for the trip really hard for you now, so if she wants you to be nice she has to make a special effort to make it up to you. Or don't bother coming.

Like you said, it's your trip, she's reduced your enjoyment of it for personal reasons unrelated to you, she must pay a price.


you can proceed as is and end up being her bitch.

patchouligirl said...

I think you should have fielded the idea of inviting songstress with the existing two invitees first. Best to stick to the original plan with the flatmate and you'll probably pick up a girl for your mate on the road. I'd say miss flatmate has a thing for you otherwise why would she be so upset?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

This entire project has a Wake in Fright feel to it.

And that that was before the feuding chicks.

Perseus said...

Pepsi and Patch: Interesting you pick up on that even though I mentioned nothing about it. Indeed, Miss Flatmate has twice indicated she would be up for sexual activity, and often sends me messages about 'wishing you were here' and stuff, but I have never slept with her, now will I. But yes, I think her attraction to me does play a large part of it.

Catlick: This roadtrip was meant to be just me. Mad Irishman said, "can I come?" and I said yes. He didn't add, " the exclusivity of all others." Nor did I promise that to Miss Flatmate. I'm driving, it's my car, I'm paying, I can invite whoever I damn like.

Puss: I love you. You're right. Why should I put my friends before a potential relationship? Miss Flatmate seems to think that I'm putting my latest piece of fluff on a higher pedestal than our long term friendship, but my attitude to this is: so what? So I should! The latest piece of fluff could end up being my wife! My friends should take a back seat to this.


Melba said...

Listen, dear Perseus.

Miss Flatmate has every right to be cross. I hate it when someone I am doing something with invites someone else WITHOUT CHECKING WITH ME FIRST. Especially if I don't like that person. Even if the road trip was your idea first (which it was) and you feel ownership over it, you've done the wrong thing.

Did it cross your mind to ask Miss Flatmate if it was ok with her? IF it did, can you admit that you presumed (possibly rightly) she would say no because she doesn't like The Songstress?

You should know you never, EVER invite someone else along on an intimate occasion: road trip, to dinner, a movie, whatever without checking with the original participants. Maybe guys don't care about this, but girls do.

The mistake you made was to invite more than one girl. AND it turns out the original girl fancies you. Now it's totally fucked and your one week off is going to be wrecked.

You have to honour your commitment to Miss Flatmate. She might pull out which is really mean, but if she does, then The Songstress can go along, but I wouldn't be surprised if she re-evaluates things with you, having seen how you've handled (not) this.

The Songstress is at least trying to do the right thing. Let her.

Perseus said...

I have done all that you said to do Melba, and I have come across as chivalrous to Songstress. She made sure that I would be nice to Miss Flatmate, even though Miss Flatmate was horrible to her.

And I see you point about not inviting others, but jeez louise, it's her cousin, and she's my love interest, and Mad Irishman certainly didn't mind.

wari lasi said...

What Melba said.

And if you knew Miss Flatmate was hot for you, what did you think was going to happen?

Have a good trip though.

Pepsi said...

Its a girl thing Pers.

Seemed pretty obvious.

Lewd Bob said...

Why is nobody commenting on the lesbian offer?

Perseus said...

We were waiting for you.

Melba said...

Etiquette first, Bob.

Now I'll comment on the lesbian offer.

WHO WAS IT??????


squib said...

I didn't ask because I have a fair idea who it was

Melba said...

I've had a little think and I have an idea as well.

Perseus said...

I'll tell you both, but only if you reveal, here, in public, who you think it was.

squib said...

after you, Melba

Melba said...

Well I don't want to slander someone if it's not them, only if it is.

Can we play 20 questions?

1. Is it someone who is not single?

Melba said...

Shit. I just re-read what you wrote at the end of your post.

My idea was wrong.

I don't care anymore who it is.

[Nose grows.]

I've got better things to do than think about this. Like a dinner to prepare. Guests arriving in 9 minutes.

Actually, I've had another idea who it is.

Question 1a: Is it someone from interstate?



and I know why squib has an idea.

squib said...

Melba. Hilarious. Seriously

But don't you know that Persey has never given me his first name, let alone his phone number because clearly I am an internet psycho and he is some kind of Scarlet Pimpernel

Mr E Discharge said...

Well I don't want to slander someone if it's not them, only if it is.

It's moments like this when I really miss Skel and Hack.

catlick said...

I would like say that although I am "a lesbian", I am, however, not the one "hoffered up at the 'otel", as Aloysius Parker* would have said. This internet sex is really quite convoluted, and I can't see how the Conroy filter will stop it.

*Lady Penelope's chauffeur

Puss In Boots said...

Catlick, I didn't know you were a lesbian! I am learning so many things about the posters here recently. First Alex, and now you!

Speaking of such matters, a brother of a friend of mine came out recently. The parents did not take it well. I don't think I could ever tell my parents I'm bisexual. Not because I'm ashamed or anything. Just because I don't think it's any of their business.

catlick said...

Puss I have the very good fortune to be an orphan. An old orphan, but, none the less. And, you must be the only one here who didn't know I was a lezwegian. I use every opportunity to mention it. I'm a straight and narrow lesbian. Not a trauma lesbian. Quite like chaps, more so when they're not wearing them, in fact.

catlick said...

And I would guess that the little Perseus knows of me would make the prospect of meeting me in an 'otel room with another "lady" would keep him awake at night, rather than helping him to sleep.

Perseus said...

Melba and Squib... youse two are chickens.


Though I'd cross the highest mountains to get my hands on notcatlick. Gwarrr.


Coincidentally, speaking of meeting TSFKAers, I did have a coffee with E. Discharge today. He was great. He smoked as many cigarettes as I did, and drank as many coffees.

Melba said...

I wasn't suggesting it was you squib.

So to question number 2:

Someone who travels to see bands?

Melba said...

And I hope you all fucking appreciate my leaving my dinner party to comment on a fucking blog.

Anonymous said...

I really don't know how you get yourself in these situations.

If you relaxed a bit more about it it wouldn't be such a big deal.

So Songstress doesn't come on your road trip. Big deal - if it was so important you'd have asked her first. It's only a big deal NOW because you got so into the idea then got disappointed, now won't let it go.

And clearly Flatmate sees you as her Ponyboy, and is hoping for long nights of unbridled passion in the desert. If you'd played your cards right you could've secretly invited Songstress, then had crazy 3-somes with two feuding cousins adding many sparks.

And am I the only one that finds the idea of being invited to a hotel room by an internet stranger you've never met an opportunity to reflect on all the people killed by nutters they've met on the inner-tubes?

It wasn't Alex, was it? She's the only female Melburnian TSKA-er I can think of that you haven't met.

Unless it was Ramon in a dress and a husky voice.

Dr. Golf said...

I vote for Songstress.
You have a right to spend your only week off with your (in theory) lover.

Melba said...

Is Alex in Melbourne?

It was an invitation to a hotel, so why would it necessarily be a Melburnian?

Dinner party over, bed now.

patchouligirl said...

Yes Boogey is right - if you go off to hotel rooms with strangers you could end up in an ice bath with organs missing.

Anonymous said...

Melba, I think what narrows the field is that it is a female TSFKA-er that Perseus hasn't already had a crack at - erm, I mean, met.

Mr E Discharge said...


Perseus said...

Boogeyman: Here, in alphabetical order, is a list of the TSFKA women I've 'had a crack' at.

Obtuse, A.

That is all.


I'd marry Puss given half a chance, though.

She'd marry me too if she didn't already have a fella. And if I didn't drink, smoke, take drugs, like footy, like Sonic Youth, like green beans, want babies, enjoy using the recoil button on the vacuum cleaner, like cold weather, like the outdoors, live in Victoria and dislike motorbikes.


There's no way Kitten would invite me to a hotel room. By accepting her offer and appearing at the hotel room it would constitute sexual harrassment, or something.

Puss In Boots said...

I've never met anyone from TSFKA.

Pers, you forgot to mention, "and if you didn't dress like a Texan Pirate Goth." Although that's probably an upgrade from the shorts and polos The Boy wears, so I'd probably let it slide.

Anonymous said...

I've never had a crack at any of the women of TSFKA*.

But I regularly get a bite from one of its men, ahem boys, ahem, big girl's blouses, whenever I dangle some bait.

* TheHangover, though. I mean, phwoarr.

Puss said: I've never met anyone from TSFKA.

You know Puss, seeing that you and I live and work within the same city, that could easily be remedied. And I'm not talking meeting at night in some seedy hotel ala Perseus and the Mystery of the Lesbian and Telephoning Deep-Throat Tryst. It could be a regular, kosher coffee shop, a tea salon, or even a shoe shop**, in broad daylight.

** I do actually need new shoes. Just not Jimmy Choos.

Puss In Boots said...

Hmm. Sounds intriguing, Boogey. Which coffee/tea shops do you normally visit in the city? Have you been to the new little complex opening on to Albert Street, across from the Myer Centre? There's a tea shop in there, but I haven't visited it yet. I can recommend the Italian joint in there. Excellent pasta and pizza.

Perhaps when I've grown out this godawful fringe. Why I keep placing my trust in hairdressers, I will never know. I haven't had a good haircut in 7 years.

Anonymous said...

Anywhere's good for me - I work up in Spring Hill, so wandering down to the big smoke makes for a nice morning constitutional.

Why I keep placing my trust in hairdressers

Because the alternative is too horrible, too unthinkable - handing your boyfriend a bowl and some clippers and saying, "I give up - just take a bit off the back and sides."

squib said...

I did that last year with MrSquib. I had longish hair and I asked him to cut it short

I ended up with the Great Pyramid of Giza and people telling me I looked just like my mother

Melba said...

Interesting. A date between Boogey and Puss.

What's fascinating is that it's being proposed in such a public way and only after Puss posted pics of all her stripper shoes.

You need to promise to let us all know how it goes. And I for one can't wait for the fringe to grow out, just wear a hat Puss.

Puss In Boots said...

Actually, this week will probably be the best week for me to meet up, fringe aside. My boss is away, so I can get out of the office at any time. Normally, my lunch break is from 11 to 12, so I don't get to have coffee/lunch with people too often.

How's Wednesday looking for you, Boogey? Do you prefer coffee or tea?

They weren't all stripper shoes, Melba! And I don't even own the most-strippery pair.

patchouligirl said...

I'm lucky enough to have three very good girlfriends who are hairdressers, one in Sydney, one on the Central Coast and one on the Gold Coast. The Sydney one visits Newcastle regularly - she brings her scissors and we sit on the front porch chatting while she cuts my hair and my sons. If she has enough time I can get some foils as well. She got us a good quality clipper set from the hairdressers shop so I can do Mr Patch's hair myself. There's something reassuring about having his own personal clippers that no one else has used. They have paid for themselves over and over.

WitchOne said...

PERS! I didn't call you, the lesbot I was with* didn't call you either, that she told me anyway.

Regardless, we somehow managed to pick up a straight guy by slanging off his friends, in a queue, in St Kilda, at 1am. Had a lovely few more hours of drinking, took him back to our hotel (Grand Hyatt is NOT a sleazy whatever thanks) and when he got comfy** we kicked him out, at 6:30am***.

*She can out herself**** I won't.

**Hoping he was gonna get laid, umm, NOT! What part of "me married, her lesbian do you not understand?"

***Buses were running, I think.

****Not the lesbot part, everyone knows that.

Pers, you should have come, it was the most awesome night ever! We toured Melbs a bit, got our nails done, had awesome Chinese food in an alley off Chinatown, saw Capital Punishment at the comedy fest, went to many many bars in Melbs, Chapel St and St Kilda. I'm still recovering 2 days later.

(it is 2 days since Thursday night isn't??)

Did anyone guess me? Anyone at all??

WitchOne said...

And if it wasn't us, which it could have been but who the hell knows, who was it Pers???


Anonymous said...

took him back to our hotel (a sleazy roadside motel) and when he got comfy we kicked him out (before getting down to business by ourselves), at 6:30am.

Perseus should have gone along. It sounds exactly how one of his sexual escapades would eventuate.

Puss, Wednesday is fine for me. And coffee or tea - I'm good for either, so whatever you prefer really.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You have to book lesbians now?


Puss In Boots said...

Boogey, you have mail.

Anonymous said...

It wasn't Alex, was it? She's the only female Melburnian TSKA-er I can think of that you haven't met.

Bloody hell, Boogeyman. What are you insinuating here? I never said that I was living in Melbourne.

Besides, I've been in the arse-end of nowhere for the past week. It clearly couldn't have been me.

I haven't had a good haircut in 7 years.

Coincidentally Puss, it takes about 7 years to become proficient at cutting your own hair. If you'd starting when you first became dissatisfied, you'd probably be good at it by now. And just think of the money you'd have saved.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I've been in the arse-end of nowhere for the past week

So how was Adelaide, Alex?

Anonymous said...

Luckily, I managed to avoid it by about a thousand miles, Ramon. So I guess I would've been somewhere on the far upper cheek of nowhere, approaching the lower back.

Anonymous said...

Bloody hell, Boogeyman. What are you insinuating here? I never said that I was living in Melbourne.

I apologise whole-heartedly for implying, in any way, shape or form, that you live in Melbourne. I have never committed such an egregious faux pas in my life.

As for the bit about you being part of some depraved lesbian cabal looking to steal Perseus's kidneys - well, anyone could make that mistake, right?

Interesting. A date between Boogey and Puss.

And I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl on her first trip to the Kingston biscuit factory with anticipation.

Anonymous said...

Apology accepted, Boogey.

As for the bit about you being part of some depraved lesbian cabal looking to steal Perseus's kidneys - well, anyone could make that mistake, right?

Yeah, that bit was perfectly reasonable.