Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Just when you think you're free...

Kick it, kick it you goose!

For the first twenty years of my life, I was a passionate Essendon Football Club supporter.

Never missed a match if I could help it, knew the details of all the players, could sing the club song with the best of them.

Then, for some reason, I just stopped. Got sick of it and never watched a match again.

Until the day when The Boy started primary school and was presented with the question all Victorian kids must be able to answer.

“Which team do you barrack for?”

To say “I don’t barrack for any team” is not acceptable, as it will mark you out as a freak for the rest of your school days. Happily, a workmate was an Essendon member and could supply him with all the guff and thus The Boy became an Essendon man.

This is all leads up to the fact that we were matching the Essendon-Collingwood match on Anzac Day*. Much to my astonishment I found myself twitching and muttering things like “kick it, kick it you goose, down the middle, ohh not to him, down the middle, down the middle.”

Some things are buried so deep in your psyche, they never leave you.

*In which the Dons were absolutely flogged**.

** To cheer ourselves up, we sang the Essendon Club song***.

*** Though it could have been worse. He could have chosen Richmond.

43 comments:

Perseus said...

"Though it could have been worse. He could have chosen Richmond."

I happen to think barracking for such a deplorable team is character-building.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Suuuuuuure, Pers.

Puss In Boots said...

Ugh, sport. I'll be in my shed.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Do you store your shoes and handbags in your shed, Puss?

Perseus said...

I have always maintained that everyone has an 'inner bogan'.

Puss may very well be the exception.

Puss In Boots said...

Hahaha. I wish I had a shed full of shoes and handbags. That would be fantastic. I'll stick with a room full (quotes are being obtained on the walk-in for my new house!).

Pers, you couldn't be more wrong. My family is as bogan as they come. I sometimes revert. Especially if forced to spend more than an hour in their presence.

And actually, I swear like a trooper when not around the general public. It's something I have been trying to stop for years.

So yes, I definitely have an inner bogan. But it's more related to speech patterns than cars or sports!

wari lasi said...

I happen to think barracking for such a deplorable team is character-building.

How come when something shitty happens, it's deemed to be character-building?

The Tigers did kick the first two goals against the Dockers though.

Perseus said...

Wari, we were 6 goals to 1 goal at quarter time and I was thinking, "this is the turning point."

But from then on we hardly touched the ball. I kepy yelling, "the red oval shaped thing... run towards that!" but they weren't listening, and instead they ran in circles like the closing credits of The Benny Hill Show.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I'm also going to take The Boy to his first May Day march this year.

He will be a well-rounded bogan.

Alex said...

How come when something shitty happens, it's deemed to be character-building?

I think it uses the theory that exposure to disappointment desensitises you to it; and getting upset when things don't go your way, shows a weakness of character. It's why some people hate the idea of changing children's games so that there's no winners or losers. I guess it's sort of the counterpoint to the argument that competitive behaviour teaches kids that winning is everything.

Puss In Boots said...

winning isn't everything

I wish the boy had been taught that. I hate playing games with him. He is ruthless. I look at board games as a nice way to spend some time together, but he looks at them as a chance to completely thrash me. I think it ruins all the fun.

But likewise, having no winners or losers would suck. Are they really doing that to kids these days?

wari lasi said...

"Winning isn't everything"

Yeah, but losing is fuck all.

I had an Israeli guy work for me years ago and after work we used to play a network based shoot 'em up game. Well he was crap at the game and used to get really upset.

"Don't be a bad loser." We'd say.

"What do you mean? Of course I'm a bad loser, I want to win. You show me a good loser and I'll show you a real loser"

And he was right. This ridiculous crap today of enforced mediocrity gives me the shits.

Pers, I thought we were headed for an upset there too. And away as well! But those Tigers will be tigers.

Alex said...

I guess that I'm a real loser then, Wari. Getting upset over a video game sounds a bit crap to me. I can be very competitive when I care about what's at stake (like money), but I get no satisfaction from beating other people at things and feel no disappointment about losing. It's why I rarely play games and find sport hard to follow - why would I care if other people win or lose games? The only sports I'm interested in are the ones that I find beautiful or interesting to watch (gymnastics, figure skating, synchronised swimming, etc).

Are they really doing that to kids these days?

There certainly are advocates for it, Puss, but I haven't heard of it being implemented as policy in any Australian schools. Yet.

I look at board games as a nice way to spend some time together

What do you play, Puss? I sometimes see the shelves in department stores stacked with board games and wonder who plays them, now that video games seem to be so ubiquitous.

Perseus said...

Puss - I understand where your boy is coming from. I too like a good board-game, and consider it a fun way to spend the evening, but I try to win. If I lose, I still enjoy the time, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try to win.

In the course of a week, Ponygirl beat me at Rummikub about 20 times in a row (she's been playing it for years and years) and when I finally won a game I was so excited I did a nudey run down my hallway.

I was drunk.

Perseus said...

Oh, and speaking of games... Songstress is coming down next week and said, "I'll bring the cards and we can play Canasta!" and I said, "Yeah, sure, okay, that'll be great," but the thing is I don't know how to play it and I have 10 days to learn.

I read the rules on the internet but they don't make sense.

Puss In Boots said...

Get her to teach you, Pers. Play a few open hands first. It's not easy to learn it from reading the instructions. Plus, she'll get great satisfaction at having taught you something.

Alex, I don't play much anymore, because the boy makes it torturous. But we have Scrabble, various Monopolies, Boggle, Trivial Pursuit, Pictionary (I despise that one), Chess, Up Words, and various others I have forgotten. I also have an extensive collection of puzzles. I love puzzles. The boy hates them, so I get to do them by myself, which is great.

Pers, I try to win too, but I don't go out of my way to screw over my playing partner. That's what the boy does. If there's a triple word tile available, and he knows I want it, he's likely to put some crappy two-letter word on it just so I can't use it. It's mean, and it doesn't make it fun. But yes, I'm a bad loser. I hate losing. And it happens so often, which is probably why I hate it so much.

wari lasi said...

Not at all Alex. I don't go around calling people losers, trust me, I'm too lousy a fighter. He didn't have a tantrum or anything, just got angry with himself.

I'm basically trying to say that we are naturally competitive creatures and that it's a good thing. There seems to have been this new age movement to portray success, or "winning" as bad. Which is ridiculous.

And Puss. Guilty. I've put "dog" or "cat" on a triple word score, just to make sure no-one else got it!

Perseus said...

I agree. Using 'cat' on a triple-word score is sound tactics.

Alex said...

Wari, I agree that trying to portray winning as bad is ridiculous, as is trying to shelter kids from the realities of competition. I just have trouble respecting grown adults who get the shits up from losing a simple game.

Pepsi said...

I used to get asked that question alot too, about which team did I barrack for. Till it turned into more of a shaking head of disgust after a few years, 'you've lived here long enough, you must of picked at team by now?' I never did though.

I think I just saved my inner bogan for summer and cricket.

Board games are great fun, especially with some drinkies. Loosing sux though, whats the point of playing if you dont aim to win everytime - each way bets never made sense to me either. Scrabble was never popular at home when we were growing up, maybe I just come from a family of bad spellers?

That guy in the black & white strip could fill in for Brendan in ECSR if he found another glove.

Alex said...

But yes, I'm a bad loser. I hate losing. And it happens so often, which is probably why I hate it so much.

So Puss, I guess it's safe to say that exposure to losing hasn't done much to desensitise you at all?

Melba said...

My daughter got asked if she was Jewish or Christian on her first day of Prep.

That night at dinner saw a wonderful discussion about the three monotheistic faiths and how she definitely wasn't Jewish, that I could say for certain, and that she would decide which if any of the other two she would be when she was older. Then she decided she was Muslim because her dad was, and I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from suggesting she not say that to kids at school.

Footy would have been much easier.

Puss In Boots said...

No, it hasn't desensitised me at all, Alex. But I win at some things. Academic stuff, mostly. But I have no hand-eye coordination and suck at sports, and I just don't have the killer instinct to win at board games. I mean, I like winning, but I'm not going to try at any cost. Especially if it means the person I'm playing with will get upset. I think playing board games should be fun, not about shouting, "In your face!" every two seconds. How can anyone possibly be a "good" loser when the winner is showing such poor form.

Also, 2/3 letter word on a triple word score just so no-one else gets it is a bastard move. I can't believe people sink so low. How about a bit of friendly competition? What, are you afraid if you let the tiles go, the scores might be a bit more equal, leading to a more interesting game? Heaven forbid!

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Yes Melba, but what team does your daughter barrack for?

In Melbourne, that's far more important.

Melba said...

This school was in Melbourne, Ramon.

She goes for the Cats. Of course.

Perseus said...

Also, 2/3 letter word on a triple word score just so no-one else gets it is a bastard move. I can't believe people sink so low.

Puss, as they say in footy parlance, you need to get some mongrel into ya.

It's not a bastard move at all. A bastard move would be stealing letter tiles while the other person is in the toilet, or deliberately altering the score sheet. Cheating, in other words.

Here's my advice: Play as agressively as your boy does. Put the word 'in' on a triple word score to fuck him up. It will even the playing field and you can both have fun.

The inner-bogan must be released (along with the inner Machiavelli)!

Boogeyman said...

I have always maintained that everyone has an 'inner bogan'.

Puss may very well be the exception.


Not true - you should have seen the hideous ugh boots she was wearing to our teashop tete-e-tete.


2/3 letter word on a triple word score just so no-one else gets it is a bastard move. I can't believe people sink so low.

If your opponent is at or above your your level then any tactic goes. If they're below your level, then there's no joy in wiping the floor with them and you should cut them some slack.

For example, my boys and I play Monopoly and we all get a good laugh even when we're losing. I also play chess against them and point out obvious mistakes, let them take back moves, etc.

On the other hand when playing Facebook Scrabble against Hack I deployed every legal tactic because the man's a Scrabble ninja.

Puss In Boots said...

Hey! I resent that implication! I don't even own a pair of ugh-boots!

And that's precisely the point, Boogey. The boy is a complete Scrabble nut. He plays it every day. I, on the other hand, am terrible at anagrams, so it's not my favourite board game. He is so far above my level it's not funny. And so he should cut me some slack.

Boogeyman said...

Hey! I resent that implication! I don't even own a pair of ugh-boots!

To be fair, they were six-inch heeled Jimmy Choo ugh-boots.


And so he should cut me some slack.

Absolutely.

Erm, I assume you were using the expression figuratively like I was, and that you weren't meaning he should literally start dabbling in haute couture and run you off a pant-suit on the Janome?

Dr. Golf said...

Ever noticed when you ask someone how their team went after a game, if they won they say "we won", and if they lost they say "they lost"?

Puss In Boots said...

Hahaha! I wonder if Jimmy Choo does make high heel ughs. It wouldn't surprise me. They've gone a bit eurotrash lately.

It's a Bernina, and I would die before wearing a pant-suit. Where do you think I'm from? Florida?

Dr. Golf said...

Ramon, I hope you weren't yelling "kick it you goose" at this point in the game, i.e. when both players were lying flat on the ground and neither had the pill.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I was muttering all sorts of pleas throughout the game, Dr G.

Melba - Geelong is acceptable.

squib said...

I know a way to cheat at Hangman, if anyone's interested

Puss In Boots said...

How on earth do you cheat at hangman, Squib?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Why would you want to cheat at hangman?

Alex said...

I'm interested, too. Also, how many wrong guesses are you supposed to get in hangman? Some people are really stingy with their stick-men.

squib said...

You do a three letter word

_ _ _

Even if your opponent gets _ a t
in the first two goes, they will never guess the word because there are at least 12 words that end in "at" and the average hangman takes 12 wrong guesses to be hanged

Alex said...

But, aren't you supposed to write the word down first, to prevent this sort of behaviour?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You've obviously given this a great deal of thought, Squib.

Maybe you should take up a hobby.

Mr E Discharge said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
squib said...

Alex, no one ever writes the word down. That would be soooo untrusting!

Ramon, today Hangman, tomorrow the world mwahahaha

eat my shorts said...

I like your hangman cheat tip Squib and plan to use it first chance I get.