Tuesday, January 27, 2009


Isosceles, Pythagoras and Archimedes are sitting in a bar, throwing back a few shots of ouzo with red wine chasers.

Isosceles is eyeing off the barmaid, whose every move he studies with the precision of a mathematician and the astuteness of a barfly.

"Hey," he begins, turning to his drinking companions. "I just came up with an idea for a great shape. Picture it boys. A triangle with 2 equal sides and 2 equal angles."

He leans back in his chair, waiting for a response.

"Jesus," said Archimedes, straightening up. "That's a ripper triangle! I like it. I like it a lot."

"Very geometric," contributes Pythagoras, wiping ash from his shirt and stubbing out his cigarette. "Indeed. Let's call it the Isosceles Triangle!"

Archimedes raises his glass. "To the Isosceles triangle!"

"No, no," begs a humble Isosceles. "It really isn't necessary..."

"Nonsense!" interrupts Pythagoras. "The Isosceles Triangle it is!"

"Well if you insist..."

"I do!"

"Thank you."

"Hey. While we're on the subject. Listen to this. Just thought of it then. Imagine a right angled triangle, right? Well, the sum of the square of the 2 sides intersecting the right angle equals the square of the hypotenuse."

The others had to think about this and did few examples in their heads. Archimedes even scrawled one on a serviette.

"Fuck me!" exclaimed Isosceles. "You're right."

"Oh I'm right," said Pythagroas, lighting another smoke.

"Imagine the implications for the world of mathematics," said Archimedes.

"Not to mention building, design and hammerthrowing," added Isosceles.

"It's brilliant, no?" whispered Pythagoras.

"It is," said Isosceles. "Let's call it the Pythagoras Theorem."

"Pythagorean Theorem," corrected Archimedes, raising his glass. "To the Pythagorean Theorem!"

The skolled their ouzo.

"Lads, great work," said Archimedes. "How about this? A triangle with 3 unequal sides!"

"Good Lord!" cried Pythagoras. "A marvellous revelation it be!"

"Too right," said Isoceles, shaking his head. "Let's call it a Scalene Triangle!"

There was silence.

"Yeah," said Pythagoras slowly. "Scalene. I like it. That's quite good Isos."

"What!" shouted an upset Archimedes.

"Scalene," repeated Isosceles, warming to the idea.

"You're shitting me!" said Archimedes, standing up suddenly and knocking his glass onto the floor. "Scalene! What the fuck!"

"Calm down Arch," said Pythagoras. "It's a perfect title."

"Why not the Archimedes Triangle?"

"Why, you arrogant bastard!" said Isosceles, shaking his head.

"Humility Arch, humility," said Pythagoras.

"I can't believe what I'm hearing!"

"Come on, have another drink," said Isosceles, getting the waitress's attention.

"With you 2! Ha! You pieces of shit can go fuck yourselves! I'm going home for a bath!"


Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Ancient Greeks or ancient geeks?

Also - very nice work, Bob.

Cath said...

Oh crap... that is funny. Geeky. But piss funny!

catlick said...


Mad Cat Lady said...


wari lasi said...

I just read that to my brother who's visiting from Sweden. Needless to say the goings on here have shocked him somewhat.

"Jesus", he says, "even your virtual friends are fucking strange".

A funny read Bob, thanks.

Boogeyman said...

I'm assuming this all took place in Euclid's traditional ye-olde bar, and not at Riemann's 25/8 psychedelic rave over the road.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I think it was at "Dionysus' All -you-can-eat bar and grill".

Boogeyman said...

Dionysus's now have a grill? After two and a half millenia with just the bar?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Gotta move with the times, Boogey.

Lewd Bob said...

Legend has it that the incident took place at Plato's Irish themed bar, Bridie O'Socrates.

Perseus said...

I think you're the first person I've ever known that has invented a joke.

squib said...

I've got a book here called 'Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes'

I'm now thinking Lewd is the author

Lewd Bob said...

Certainly there's a strong philosophical dissection here about, er, humility or, um, something.

wari lasi said...

"Why not the Archimedes Triangle?"

"Why, you arrogant bastard!" said Isosceles, shaking his head.

"You've already got a whole screw named after you, you selfish fuck.! We're still stuck in 2 D fame."

Mr E Discharge said...

In truth, a thing of wonder Bob, Kudos.

Gratifying to see you moving beyond your self identified cylindrical nature to embrace your inner sphere.

Lewd Bob said...

Thanks Mr E. Earlier allegations have insinuated more of a square nature. However more than happy to accept the wondrous curves and implicit equality of a sphere.

eat my shorts said...

I would have paid much more attention in Maths if I'd heard this story beforehand, Bob.

In a very strange coincidence, I was just cleaning up the spare room this morning and stumbled across my old Grade 10 Maths book. It's a bit of a mystery because I can't stand the 'M' word and can't figure out why I kept it. There's bugger all in it. The first page is a definition of Pythagorean theory, then there's a bit of dodgy algebra and a section where my teacher tried to help me with it. I think there's more of his work in it than mine.

Plus, there's stuff on volume and area in there that I was teaching to Year 8's in my first job! I knew I was in the dumb-dumb Maths class in Grade 10, but I had know idea we were *that* dumb!

Lewd Bob said...

EMS, I actually like maths. Yes. It's true. Not that I was brilliant at it at school, just quite excellent. I loved the Pythagorean Theorem, it's so lovely.

Area and volume, you're turning me on.

Oh, and in case anyone's wondering, there never was a man called Isosceles. The word is derived from the Greek Iso (Same) Skelos (Leg). How 'bout that? Sorry.

I just needed to bend some facts (just like a good Tom Cruise movie) for my own misguided purposes.

eat my shorts said...

I'll bet the consumer maths we did in Grade 10 is just poor man's porn for you though.

tonelawc said...

A literary gentleman walked into an ancient Greek tailor's shop, carrying some torn clothing. The tailor examined the clothing and asked the customer, "Euripedes?" To which the customer replied, "Yes. Eumenides"

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Once again, EMS, events conspire to suggest a spooky, spooky link between yourself and myself.

Consider the facts;

Love of beer- check.

Journalism degree - check.

Crap at maths - check, check.

Eerie, I calls it.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Oh and

Love of Father Ted - check.

eat my shorts said...

Oh I don't have a Journalism degree. I have the much more valuable Bachelor of Arts.

I have previously admitted that I wanted to be a journalist when I was in high school though, that's what you're referring to I believe.

But yeah dude, the other three all get a 'check' next to them. Freaky.

In light of this, do tell me why we are not Facebook friends? Have you gotten around to making a profile yet? Please do, then I can send you Shakespearean insults. It's ever so fun. And, you can beat me at Scrabble. Hours of entertainment there. Trust me.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Ah, BA - my mistake.

I also have a BA (Hons) AND a journalism degree.


I do not have a Facebook account.

I do not want a Facebook account.

I do not need a Facebook account.

I'm much too shy.

Melba said...

Why do I feel the urge to try to get everyone to gather around Ramon and start chanting:

"Facebook! Facebook! Facebook!"


I'm a bully, aren't I?

eat my shorts said...

I have pictures on there from my Maths book of the stuff I did while we were supposed to be working in class.

There are stick figures and everything. Well worth it.

C'mon. Just do it. It'll be fun. I'll send you a bogan gift (would you like a carton of Winnie Blues or a flannie?)