Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Fame is the spur

Despite being a radio journo, I still managed to get my face on the television news on a number of occasions – usually in a media scrum; a) looking bored, b) checking the sound levels, c) scowling or d) staring off into the middle distance, wondering when I could sneak away and have a quiet ciggie.

I never gave it any thought until I was standing in the check-out at Coles some years ago and the check-out chick said to me “You look familiar. Have I seen you on the tellie?”

There followed a slightly surreal conversation, where I attempted to persuade her that no, I wasn’t famous and my autograph would have very little re-sale value.

This got me thinking about what it must be like to be truly famous, to achieve that level of fame where you can’t even go to the cricket without your mug appearing in the papers and where bogans fell compelled to comment on your tattoo.

Much like Lara Bingle (left).

At some point you must start believing your own bullshit, that you are a wonderful, talented individual and anybody that thinks differently must be a “jelus h8ter”.

It must do your head in.

At which point you feel qualified to comment on Middle Eastern politics.

61 comments:

Perseus said...

I appeared on a reality TV show some years ago... twice.

A neighbour had a young son, about 10 years old, who loved the show. The mother and son came to my door and asked for my autograph. It was freaking bizarre, because I was about to explain that Reality TV does not meaneth I am worthy of attention and in fact, it makes me less worthy, but the little kid was so impressed that he knew me and I was a neighbour that I signed the thing and went out and played footy with him for a bit.

To quote TISM:

"Andy Warhol got it right,
Everybody gets the limelight.
Andy Warhol got it wrong,
Fifteen minutes is too long."

wari lasi said...

Isn't it Lara Bingle?

Anyway ...

The fact that she's famous and good looking qualifies her as an expert on every topic. We as a society have made it this way, or rather you, the media, have made it this way.

If she shags Hayden (who I understand is happily married but I don't think Lara cares about little complications like that) then he'll get a ton too?

Go Matty, even if he shouldn't really be there, he was plumb.

RandomGit said...

I'd love to be Lara Bingle. I could look at myself naked whenever I wanted for however long I liked. I could also masturbate my clitoris as well.

I'm sure I'd have other talents..... surely......

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

My mistake, wari.

Consider it corrected.

Pers. were you on I'm a Texan pirate goth, get me out of here?

squib said...

I got my name pulled out of a barrel on 'Hey Hey It's Saturday'

It's all been downhill since then

Melba said...

When I saw that pic of Lara I checked her underarms very closely. For this is what women do.

I was a friend on "This is Your Life" for a prominent Melbourne identity quite a few years ago. Embarrassingly, at the moment when I gave my message of good tidings to her, she screwed up her face in an "I have no fucking idea who that is" way.

wari lasi said...

Squib, my "fame" extends to a mention on Hey Hey about 30 years ago. There you go.

And Hayden is out for 39 ...

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

And Hayden is out for 39

I noticed that too, Wari.

How this will affect his (alleged) relationship with Ms Bingle is unclear.

squib said...

Wari I might have missed that. I was 4

wari lasi said...

I have a decade on you squib, I'm a '64 guy. I get to turn 45 in May, lucky me.

I'm so old.

And Ramon, I think Hayden's relationship with Ms Bingle will remain alleged. She'll probably stick with Taylor for the time bein.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Does anybody know if Punter has a take on the conflict in the Middle East?

And I'm not saying how old I am for fear of being mocked.

squib said...

35 on Australia Day for me :(

I'm getting really wrinkly eyes too

Boogeyman said...

Gee, I'm 37 in a month's time. I'm getting as old as Perseus.

Ramon - my crystal ball tells me you're 45 in a few months time.

Perseus - You weren't on that execrable "Australian Survivor" were you?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Perseus was in the Big Brother house.

Boogeyman said...

Perseus was in the Big Brother house.

Ahh, now it all makes sense. Perseus is really Ryan Fitzgerald.

Of course, I was also thinking he might have been the star of The Bachelor - where 20 lucky ladies compete for the chance to be wined, dined and review 1000+ page books with a chain-smoking goth before being voted off for being a) too good looking, b) too young, c) too flexible, or d) wanting sex before the 20th date.

Perseus said...

No fair Boogeyman. It was late! I was tired!

Oh, you're right. *sobs again*

Re: Reality TV show guesses - None of the above. It was a low-rating show that only lasted one season and nobody really watched it. If anyone guesses it I'll send them a prize (book) in the mail.

*

What's the bet Mitchell Johnson is in the top 2 or 3 scorers for Aus... again?

Perseus said...

(Lewd Bob is not allowed to enter the free book competition.)

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Talking about books, my sister gave my mother the John Howard biography.

It was marked down to $4.95.

We laughed and laughed.

Boogeyman said...

I hope they printed it on soft absorbent paper, Ramon.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Can't say it was, Boogey, but we all had a lot of fun spitting on it.

squib said...

I bet the prize is Costello's memoirs

My Restaurant Rules?

The Resort?

Perfect Match?

Popstar Live?

Renovation Rescue?

wari lasi said...

Squib, you watch too much television. That's probably wrinklng your eyes.

My eyesight problems however are caused by something else entirely.

Boogeyman said...

So does your sister really dislike your mother then, Ramon?

Why not buy her the Costello Memoirs and Tony Abbot's biography to complete the unholy trilogy.

wari lasi said...

I've been in the newspapers (both of them) here plenty of times and on TV (there's only 1 local channel) twice. My voice has been on TV loads of times, I did a voice over for a Milo commercial a few years ago.

But being "famous" in PNG isn't that hard.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

But being "famous" in PNG isn't that hard

Quite

squib said...

Ummm that back in time one? Where everyone had to wear pantaloons and eat damper?

Wari, a Milo commerical? That's really very impressive

Lewd Bob said...

(Lewd Bob is not allowed to enter the free book competition.)

I don't want your cursed books you footy bogan *hint*.

Liam Gallagher, meanwhile, has used his fame for evil instead of, well, evil. He just bags every other celebrity.

My biggest claim to fame was being spotted in the crowd at the 1989 grand final by my mum.

Oh and I hosted (with Perseus) a controversial radio show on Melbourne's own 3ECB (no you haven't heard of it). We were sacked after one show for being a) sacrilegious b) swearers (we said 'crap' and 'bloody' and c) totally incompetent.

I think the station was run by the exclusive brethren.

squib said...

Oh it was that football reality show

Lewd Bob said...

You'll have to do better than that squib.

Perseus said...

And so, the hunter becomes the hunted. Squib is on the money, but Bob is right: More information please.

squib said...

Oh I know it, I just can't remember the name

Surely I win?

squib said...

Was it The Club?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

We were sacked after one show for being a) sacrilegious b) swearers (we said 'crap' and 'bloody' and c) totally incompetent

The Morning Show on Triple J is looking for fresh talent, Bob.

Perseus said...

I thought it was The Game, but you may be right. I've blocked it out. Anyway, you win, even though Bob's clue kind of narrowed it down to one show in the whole history of Australian Reality TV.

Email me a PO and on its way will be your prize.

Lewd Bob said...

Hmm, we could probably roll out the same material too. Would the kids get it though? It was pretty highbrow. No wait, which one means dumb?

squib said...

Oh!! Oh my!!

I won!! I won!!

I haven't won anything since Hey Hey

squib said...

PS. Thanks Lewd

Lewd Bob said...

Sorry Perseus that was quite a simple hint. I didn't think anybody would remember it.

You owe me a book review squib.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I look forward to your review of The Costello Memoirs, Squib.

squib said...

Lewd, a book review?

Ramon I don't believe Persey is that heartless

Lewd Bob said...

Ok, forget the review, send the book instead. My table has one leg too short.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Perseus is a heartless CuntCunt, Squib.

Everybody knows that.

Perseus said...

Wow. A CuntCunt. I've been promoted. I'm honoured.

Up until now I was simply one of 'Hack's Pathetic Acolytes'.

Me and Squib have both won something today.

wari lasi said...

I haven't won anything since Hey Hey

I may well be 10 years your senior squib, but we have that in common. If you don't count winning the odd meat tray. Which I tend to only manage when I'm away so I give it to my host/s.

Congrats on the book though, and I only did the voice-over remember, it started with "It's the strength to believe ..". Should I do the "They said I've got the perfect face for voice-over work." gag?

And Ramon, finally. On the same day that the Rocket Launcher was on the Hagen flight, they found a grenade in a seat back on another plane.

What a hoot.

patchouligirl said...

I was invited to be on television once because it seems I do have a special talent - buoyancy. I float like a stick with the whole length of my body visible above the water line. Apparently this is unusual. They had me reading a book while floating in a pool during the weather report. It must have been a very slow news week. I will be 43 in August.

Mr E Discharge said...

I do have a special talent - buoyancy. I float like a stick with the whole length of my body visible above the water line

She's a WITCH! Burn Her!

wari lasi said...

Mr E. It's not as funny as you might think.

www.postcourier.com.pg. Sorry the a=href stuff is too hard for me. I'm a very lazy person.

Uplifting stuff. Every day they come and drop the papers on my desk and I almost invariably groan.

Don't come to PNG patch!

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Do you weigh more than a duck, Patchie?

squib said...

Wari I think you have to count the meat tray

I think I have to count the glass I won in 1998, also last year I won $100, and a door prize which was a silk scarf. But if you don't count all those things...

Patchouligirl wow! That's a bit freaky

homesick said...

After landing the lead role in a Kathy Lette play my self and the rest of the cast were invited to appear on a Saturday morning kids show called "Off the Dish".
Fucking ridiculous show (as was the play) but the chance to meet the lusty Cameron Daddo was too good an opportunity to pass over.

To say it was an embarrassing experience would be putting it mildly. It was the aftermath; the ridicule of all who saw the show that made me consider adopting a life of total solitude.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Kathy Lette has written a play?

I think the UN should launch an investigation into this violation of human rights.

wari lasi said...

Ramon, did you see the Jack Marx post about Kathy Lette?

He sliced and diced her, and it was fucking funny.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

That literary turd we can’t seem to scrape from the bottom of our thong, Kathy Lette

*Snort*

homesick said...

The play came and went thank god. It featured as part of the 1987 Melbourne Comedy Festival so at least we had the opportunity to meet real playwrights and true talent. As for Lette, even way back then she was a famewhore and couldn't give a damm about the integrity of the play or its characters.... just as long as she had her pic in the paper along with one of her awful quips.

I remember at one particular press junket the cast and their young director were all seated in a semi circle answering questions from the print media and Lette interrupted every answer just so she could spew one of her "clever/ funny analogies" that she is now so imfamous for. The guy from the Age asked her to "shut up and sit down for fucks sake".

But when you're a starving up 'n' coming, you'll grab at any role that pays and gets you a trip to Melbourne for free.

Perseus said...

Did you go nude in it, Homesick?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

The guy from the Age asked her to "shut up and sit down for fucks sake".

I can't imagine she would have taken that too well.

patchouligirl said...

Do you weigh more than a duck, Patchie?

Considerably more Ramon. I have no idea why I'm buoyant. Full of hot air probably.

homesick said...

Did you go nude in it, Homesick?

Sorry no Pers we were all fully clothed. Even nudity wouldn't have saved this for Lette.

Still we got to meet Peter O'Toole, Brad Robinson and hear a journo tell Lette what we kids were too afraid to say ourselves.

Not a complete waste of time I suppose.

eat my shorts said...

And I'm not saying how old I am for fear of being mocked.

I turn 30 next year. OMG!

And I've never been on television. As far as I'm aware.

Fad MD said...

I've been i/v'ed on local tv a couple of times. Made me hit with the help as my celebrity rubbed off on them (actually probably more due to my job than anything else).

I'm 35 but, according to some electronic scales my techno hippy sister in law owns, I have the metabolism of a 24 yr old. I don't remember being this pudgy at 24 though.

Oh and Ramon? I just got back from visiting North Korea (I stood on the NK side of the negotiating hall in the DMZ) and that Communist shit is just childish.

WitchOne said...

I turned 32 4 days ago. I was on the ABC news in a story about Taxi Drivers last year. I have applied to go on Masterchef this year because I need to humiliate myself publicly, regardless of whether or not I am accepted.

Someone send me a bloody book, I'm rereading the Assassins Apprentice!!