Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Amazing scenes as "cat boy" discovered.

In what is believed to be a world first, Irish scientists have discovered a boy raised for ten years by cats.

Professor Fran Katzenjammer of the Dublin Institute of Science says the boy, now 16, was raised by the cats in a Dublin suburb since the age of six.

“It’s certainly a dramatic twist on the myth of children raised by wolves or dogs,” Professor Katzenjammer said.

“We believe the boy was lost after a particularly vigorous party and stumbled out into the street, where he encountered the pack of cats.

“We don’t know why the cats took the boy on, but cat psychologists we have consulted believe the pack thought it was probably ‘a bit of a laugh’.

“We’re attempting to communicate with the boy to discover his name and family, but he keeps curling up and going to sleep.”

The boy, nicknamed Felix by the scientists, is largely non-verbal, with his English phrases limited to “want breakfast now”, “feck off” and “want dinner now”.

“We’re going to conduct further tests on Felix,” Professor Katzenjammer said “once we coax him out of his bolt-hole under the sofa.”

59 comments:

Perseus said...

He fights crime by being indifferent to evil.

His main weapon is to nag the criminal to death asking for food.

Lewd Bob said...

Why can a boy develop feline traits but, even after many long years of being brought up by humans, cats develop none of our traits?

Because we're a weak, weak species.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

cats develop none of our traits?

Why the fuck would they want to do that, Bob?

squib said...

His main weapon is to nag the criminal to death asking for food.And let's not forget that he carries mind-altering parasites that make mice, rats, and humans suicidal

Clever kitty

Lewd Bob said...

Because, Ramon, they could do things like get pissed at the pub and make arses of themselves. Who wouldn't want to do that?

Alex said...

I remember a few years ago, reading a story about this bloke who was raised by chooks. Not quite as funny as it first sounds.

catlick said...

That poor boy sounds like he might grow up to become a priest. I hope the cats were Jesuits.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

All cats are Jesuits, catlick.

wari lasi said...

Cats are aloof arseholes who are only nice when they want food or a comfortable place to sleep.

Dogs love you all the time, unconditionally.

"Dog boy" would be well adjusted, communicative and generous with his feelings. You'd like dog boy straight away. He would be your best friend. Always glad, no ecstatic, to see you, even if you've only been away 5 minutes.

Puss In Boots said...

Wari, you've just described why I hate dogs and love cats. Cats have dignity.

There were surprisingly few cats in South America. I think perhaps they might taste better than dogs.

Lewd Bob said...

I find that a little pathetic in a creature, Wari. Complete and utter stupid subservience.

Having said that, I'm certainly not of the opinion that cats are smart. Cats ain't smart.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

"Cunning" is perhaps a more apt word, Bob.

And I can't believe no one has spotted my incredibly brilliant and clever pun.

Melba said...

I can't see the pun for the bullshit.

KATZenjammer?

Felix?

non-verbal apart from those phrases?

bolt-hole under sofa?

Has this been sitting in drafts since April 1st, Ramon?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Katzenjammer is an old German word for "hangover" literally meaning "the howling of cats".

*Sigh*

The treasures of my mind are wasted on you people!

Wasted!

Lewd Bob said...

Cunning I grant you.

wari lasi said...

I find that a little pathetic in a creature, Wari. Complete and utter stupid subservience.

I prefer to call it loyalty Bob. I think it's fair to say that dogs recognise that we're the dominant partner in the relationship.

Cats are clearly the lesser creature, they operate on a far higher percentage of instinctive rather than learned behaviour. Dogs are way smarter.

That said however, we have a Jack Russell down in Brisbane, Ruby. She's a lovely little thing but goes at a hundred miles an hour and has to be locked up. If she gets out of the yard she bolts. Mrs L often comments on other people's dogs, like a labrador. "Wow, look at that. It's not running away". She got expelled from puppy pre school for wanting to fight all the other big dogs.

But she's lovely.

wari lasi said...

And see how I solved the italics thing? I'm roolly clever.

Melba said...

Yep, wasted Ramon. Sorry, my German is non-archaic, and only stretches to Ich bin nicht betrunken.

Which is most always a lie anyway.

And as Wari will clearly remember, Humpty Dumpty.

wari lasi said...

He remembers Melba.

And it's raining in Moresby today. I know you care.

I'm going to the dawn service on Saturday, I hope it doesn't rain then too. It's our one chance in the year to get free grog off the Aussie High Comm, they have a Gunfire Breakfast. Rum at 7 in the morning. Yummy. Pissed by 9, lose money on the two-up at the yacht club, home asleep again by lunch time. Lest we fucking forget.

Fad MD said...

Raining here in Manila too Wari. Why the fuck is it raining in April?!

Melba said...

I do care, Wari. Deeply. Thanks for sharing. Now I can rest easy just knowing. And also, I agree with you re dogs vs cats. Cats are shits, and dogs are sucks. As a teacher I prefer shits; however as a pet owner, I prefer sucks.

wari lasi said...

FAD - Yep. That's what everyone is saying here. The wet should be over by now and they're talking about it staying like this well into May. Still, Moresby is lovely and green but I got saturated at the supermarket running to and from my car with the groceries this afternoon.

Melba - Another chalky? You, EMS and Mrs L. I think EMS is big school though, Mrs is grade 4 and she does the special needs (I'm not allowed to say dumb) kids. Your analogy is interesting though, I'll put it to Mrs L. Cats (shits) would be great if you felt like a rest, soooo predictable. But dogs (sucks) would have to be more rewarding, wouldn't they? Monkey see, monkey do.

Do you reckon there could have a Pavlov's Cat? I don't think so. "Shut that fucken bell up, I'm trying to sleep. And by the way I'm hungry, bring food or I'll head out and kill some native fauna"

Boogeyman said...

Perhaps cat-boy could have gone to sleep in one of these.

I'm thinking Ramon's cat might like the tank.

Lewd Bob said...

I forgot to mention that dogs shit everywhere, they stink, they eat other dogs' turds and they jump up on everyone, ruining their clothes.

I do love dogs, they're great animals. Especially kelpies: smart, friendly, beautiful. But Jesus, I'd hate to own one.

Melba said...

I will admit that in our family we have more great cat stories than dog ones, and the cats have had definite and more interesting characters than the dogs. But the love, oh the love. You just don't get love from a cat. You get the time of day only if you're lucky.

Both have their attractions and disadvantages.

Wari: I am a teacher - primary. I do relief and tomorrow have Year 5/6, they are the hardest. They are the new Year 9s and can be very shitful.

Puss In Boots said...

I dunno Melba. My cat loves me. He comes and greets me whenever I get home, and has to be on the same level of the house as I am (upstairs/downstairs). Although having said that, since I've been away for so long now, I suspect I'm going to get ignored for a while when I return, as punishment.

patchouligirl said...

Especially kelpies: smart, friendly, beautiful I own one Bob - she is a kelpie X, and I have a pure bred cattle dog. The Kelpie X is the brains trust out of those two I can tell you. She was dumped in the bush at 8 weeks and we took her on. Molly is the best dog I've ever had - she is very smart and has a lovely nature. She carries on like a 2nd mother to my 2 yr old whose attitude towards animals will be shaped by the friendship he has with her.

Although she stinks and shits, to me nothing in this world is as foul as the smell of cats piss. And I hate the way cats bring dead birds/native animals they've hunted to the door.

wari lasi said...

We had a cattle dog Patch when we lived in Leichhardt in Sydney. She was a nice dog but hard work. We had a small yard and if we didn't take her on long walks every day she got really destructive. Chewing garden hoses and anything else she could lay her teeth on. She also got hyper protective of my wife and wanted to bite anyone (except me of course) who tried to talk to her.

It is also a little known fact that cats are in fact four legged owls. They have the same fetish for rodents and the same evil manner about them.

patchouligirl said...

Sorry double post but show me the cat that can find its way home from hundreds of kilometers away, swim, greet its owner after being separated for years, dial 000 when its owner has collapsed (a dog has done this), train a 2 year old to bring its lunch to the back door so she can steal it (as my kelpie does), ride a surfboard or skateboard, find lost people in the snow or round up cattle. A cat can't even do something as simple as following you on a walk. Its not even a contest.

patchouligirl said...

Yeah active dogs and small yards/boring lifestyle dont mix.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

It is also a little known fact that cats are in fact four legged owls.

A foul slander!

wari lasi said...

I have anecdotal evidence as well as scientific research* to back up my claims Ramon!

*Extremely dodgy research conducted by me.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I refer you to this site, Wari.

Lewd Bob said...

I think when it comes down to it, I'm just lazy. I therefore prefer the self-maintaining aspects of cats.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Cats are indeed "feed and forget" Bob.

They're the cruise control of the animal world.

Boogeyman said...

Let's inject a note of sobriety into this debate.

The noted philosopher, Right Said Fred, once said, "I'm too sexy for my cat. Poor pussy... poor pussy cat."

He did not say that he was too sexy for his dog, poor doggy... poor doggy-wog.

Therefore, we can only conclude that dogs are sexier than Right Said Fred, and thus by extension, sexier than cats.

wari lasi said...

They're the cruise control of the animal world.

They certainly are that.

And Boogey - Inarguable logic as usual.

Now, back to mad Dan

Puss In Boots said...

Patchouligirl: cat finds its way home; cat swimming; cat calls 911; multiple results of cats fetching; cat riding surfboard; skateboarding cat. And cats train their owners to bring them their food all the time. My cat even wakes me up by smacking my face if I don't feed it early enough in the morning.

Cats aren't as useless or stupid as most people think. They might not be able to round cattle, but that's purely an evolutionary thing in dogs. That's like saying cats are superior because they land on their feet and dogs don't. It's just not in a dog's makeup to do it.

Melba said...

Puss, but how can you be SURE your cat loves you?

I bet you can't say 100% without doubt that it's not something to do with food or that your lap is comfy. Your evidence can be explained easily; he comes and greets you - "where my fucking food?" - he has to be on the same level of the house as you - "where's my fucking food?"

You're probably right though. Let's just anthropomorphise the lot of them - they love us, they want to be with us, they need us.

Boogeyman said...

Pfft.

Any attempt to portray cats as aloof, dignified, disdainful, etc, etc, is just imposing human qualities onto them.

They, and dogs too, are just animals driven by in-built strategies to obtain food, security, warmth, comfort, nothing grander.

And much as I like cats, dogs are, as a species, generally smarter, quicker to learn and easier to teach new things, than cats. That is why they have been used for so many different utility purposes over the millenia, such as hunting, fishing, rounding stock, pulling sleds, leading the blind, and many more, as opposed to having merely been utilised as companion animals, as cats have been.

Citing individual exceptional cases of wunder-kitties, such as Mr Pussykins who could perform cartwheels for Cirque de Soleil, walked 5,000,000,000km home after getting lost while mousing down a wormhole, resuscitated his master while jump-starting his heart from an old car battery and some jumper leads before dialling triple-0, and finally cooked a three-course dinner with a flambe chocolate mousse for dessert, doesn't change that fact.

Puss In Boots said...

Melba, I can't be sure, but neither can you that your dog loves you. How do you know it's not just a reaction to food and some inherent quality to protect the flock? You can't. Same as cats.

And Boogey, you're absolutely right. I just get sick of people saying dogs are more superior to cats because they can do such-and-such. Neither species is better than the other. They have completely different evolutionary traits and some people are more drawn to one species than the other, and that's it. As much as I hate dogs, I don't think they're inferior to cats, I just don't like their behaviour. It doesn't suit my own personality.

Anyway, I was just pointing out that cats aren't as useless as people think they are, there have been many cases of them saving their owners just as dogs do, but it's my belief both species only do it because they think by saving their owners, their own lives will be saved. It's a survival instinct, not actual loyalty, as far as I'm concerned.

wari lasi said...

I was just pointing out that cats aren't as useless as people think they are

Hell, some of them even wear boots! Eh Puss?

Where are you at the moment, BTW. Ducking by here to see the old man? This grand tour of yours must be getting close to being over by now.

Boogeyman said...

The only animals that have any worth are the sentient, self-aware ones.

Huzzah for homo sapiens. I'm going to go out today and buy myself a human for a pet. Or maybe a chimp.

Puss In Boots said...

Pfft. He's the last person I would be visiting in the world. But I would like to visit PNG again in the future. I remember liking Madang when I when was young. The trip isn't finished until July. I think I'm getting travel fatigue!

eat my shorts said...

I am a teacher - primary. I do relief and tomorrow have Year 5/6, they are the hardest. They are the new Year 9s and can be very shitful.I put it to you that Year 8s are the new Year 9s, but only because I haven't taught primary, so can't really comment on that age group.

I do teach big school at the moment, but only for 20 more working days. Then I'll be doing the relief teacher thing as well. So much smarter. Less work. Good pay. Can't wait.

Melba said...

You're right Puss. But I can say for certain our dog would never be able to even try to protect any of us. She would only get in between me and mine and a rapist/killer/robber to try and get a pat. Flopping down on the ground at the assailant's feet might, MIGHT, trip them up or stall them enough for us to run. But that's it.

Melba said...

Hey good move EMS. You won't know yourself, but be prepared for having absolutely no authority in the classroom. You have to devise other methods of "control."

eat my shorts said...

Oh, I've got that down pat. No worries at all.

I'm the one they send in to take control of the "uncontrollable" classes. Which is funny because all those kids are bigger and louder than me.

Did I tell you the story about how I once had a kid storm up and down the corridor calling me a fucking cunt because I asked his friend (his friend, not him) to put his hand up before he spoke? The principal liked that one.

I like to refer to myself as "The Enforcer". One day, I'll make up a t-shirt to wear.

patchouligirl said...

Neither species is better than the other No but in terms of human/animal relationships, dogs are easier to train and therefore more useful. I looked at some of those links and remain unconvinced puss. The cat swimming looks totally miserable - I mean, look at its face. The surfing cats owner is accused of abuse. The skateboard cat goes for a hesitant meter. Dogs are better at doing as they are told. Most dogs can sit, fetch, come when called and walk with you. Most cats cant. The only thing I can think of a cat is better at is jumping and landing and thank goodness dogs aren't good at that as its hard enough to fence them in as it is. In terms of pet companionship I'd take a dog or a budgie over a cat any day. Cats should be rated against say goldfish as pets - that is a fairer contest.

eat my shorts said...

Dogs are better at doing as they are told.Precisely. Which means they are in actual fact, pussies.

patchouligirl said...

It occurred to me later that one thing cats are better and more useful at is catching mice. I once heard dogs and cats described as the 'first and second line of defense' against intruders.

I also heard that geese are the best for defending the yard, better than dogs. This could work well, if it fails as a watch-goose you can put it in a pot.

catlick said...

"It occurred to me later that one thing cats are better and more useful at is catching mice."Had a suicidal mouse here last week, (no cats here) that ran out and back from under the stove 3 times to get the dog's attention, and then did a lap of the loungeroom. The dog grabbed it on its way back to the kitchen. No idea what the mouse was doing: perhaps it had watched too many cartoons. Oh and the Greeks & Romans used security geese. Apparently.

patchouligirl said...

It was probably stoned on some vintage ratsack.

eat my shorts said...

I think geese are even more evil than owls.

Alex said...

I think cats are good for controlling vermin, but then, so is a well trained fox terrier. In my experience, cats have a better survival rate when catching snakes, but a clever dog will bail a snake up and bark until someone comes.

My biggest gripe with cats is that dogs can be easily trained to respect geographical boundaries. It would take someone with far more patience than myself to even attempt this with a cat.

On the other hand, why so many people in cities want to own dogs that are specifically bred for hunting or working livestock is beyond me. And, anyone who keeps an uncaged pig-dog in town is irresponsible, especially people who drive down to the shops with one tied to the back of their ute.

Geese can make a lot of noise, but can't really 'defend' against an intruder who is over 3 feet tall and has a sturdy pair of shoes.

Perseus said...

"why so many people in cities want to own dogs that are specifically bred for hunting or working livestock is beyond me." I'm with you there Alex. Dogs are bred to do certain things, and end up basket-cases if they can't do them. We had a labrador and lived in the city and ran it for an hour miniumum a day and gave it a few chores to do, but it was never truly happy until we moved to the bush and it had more work to do in and around my ex's horses. EG: The horses were agisted in this place that was many hectares wide and full of trees - the dog's job was to find the horses. It also had to keep the stupid pony away from my ex's horses when she was saddling up or cleaning them.

The 'water dog' thing about Labs and standard poodles becomes evident when they get in the water. If you splash your hands they get so excited because of some genetic trigger to retrieve a splashing thing from water. Anyone who owns a lab or a standard poddle (frinstance) in the city and don't get it in water retrieving stuff regulalrly should be not allowed to own dogs.

Our other dog was a bichon-frise cross. A ship's dog. A ratter. He was small but took on mice, rats and snakes.

Worse are cattle dogs in the city. The kelpie owner brigade who live in the inner-city shit me no end. It's so sad.

Water dogs need water.
Cattle dogs need cattle.
Gun dogs need to hunt.

Lap dogs need laps.

City people - get a lap dog unless you're prepared to work your dog daily for an hour or two.

*

I refuse to weigh in on the dog vs cat thing. My ex and I had three cats and two dogs, and loved them all equally.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I see the Tiges won, Pers.

Alex said...

Anyone who owns a lab or a standard poddle (frinstance) in the city and don't get it in water retrieving stuff regulalrly should be not allowed to own dogs.

I can agree with this up to a certain point, but I don't think I have the heart to start taking guide dogs of blind people. Dogs can do a lot of things for a lot of different people, but I assume you were talking about those who want a dog purely for companionship. In that case, yes, a lapdog should be just the ticket.

I would also suggest that people don't get hung up on the idea of owning a pure-bred. cross-breeds seem to stay healthier for longer.

Perseus said...

True, Alex. Yes, my badly made point was that working dogs have to work. Being a guide dog is work. Retrieving the newspaper from the front lawn is also work, but they need more than that to do.

Yes they did Ramon - Go Tiges - and I was very happy because I wagged two parties just to stay home in my pyjamas and watch the match on telly. However the lengthy tirade I made yesterday at Leaping Larry L's site calling for Wallace's head now seems silly.