(Richmond lost to Melbourne yesterday who are the worst team in the AFL, which now makes Richmond worse than the worst. Sports wrap is on at least a week hiatus. Haitus? Hiatis?)
TSFKA scholars who study my works in great detail may recall that last year, as part of my Ponygirl Rebound Period (Vers. 1) I developed a big crush on a chick called Artemis, who was the older sister of my band's manager (Spud) and our band's bass player (Boz). There were some dates, but it went nowhere, and she ended up hooking up with a guy called Sparky Picasso. But the nice thing about it all is that Artemis and I stayed great friends, and we chat everyday on Gmail, and I have even become mates with her boyfriend Sparky. We all get along famously and hang out regularly.
Anyway, Sparky Picasso is a fledgling artist, and last week he had his first solo exhibition. I attended the opening (free wine and sushi, which is a law in Melbourne - 'wine and sushi at all art openings; no variations, ever'), and anyway, at art exhibitions, if I know the artist, I go all George Costanza and feel compelled to buy something, and, with the help of the free wine, I invariably do.
So I looked at all the pieces, and quickly identified what I thought was clearly the best piece. A close up of an attractive woman looking alarmed at something. It's a pretty big piece, but it was in a really nice frame, the picture was engaging and active, and I knew it would look good in my spare room.
So, knowing you have to get in quick at these things, I ran up to Sparky and said, "I'll buy that one."
He fidgeted a litle nervously. "That one, ay?"
"Yeah, I love it."
"Oh, okay, well, alright then. Umm, okay, that one it is."
And I'm thinking to myself, he appears a little apprehensive. He's always so happy and positive about things! What's happening? So anyway, I pay the deposit, and I turned to my date for the night (Miss Bookworm) and said, "Hey, I bought that painting," and she looks at it and says, "Oh, yeah, that's really nice. It kinda looks like that girl over there."
She was pointing at Artemis.
I took another look at the painting.
I went up to Artemis and said, "Umm, is that painting of you?"
She said, "Yeah, it's nice isn't it? I wonder if anyone will buy it?"
I said, "Umm, I just did."
Yep, I bought an intimate close-up portrait of the artist's girlfriend, who a year ago was my flame.
Awkward for the next hour?
I drank like a fish.