Monday, April 6, 2009

Monday Sport Wrap (sort of)

Given that A) the mighty Tiges have been thrashed again and B) there’s no Monday Sports Wrap, I can only presume Perseus is too busy weeping and banging his head on the fridge.

Therefore, as a service to you – keen TSFKA readers – I present my own, totally lame Monday Sports Wrap.

Some years ago, Mrs INH and I spend the weekend at a B & B on the outskirts of Geelong. One of the possible activities listed in the brochure was to “watch the Cats play football”.

Driving home in the car, the following conversation occurred.

Mrs INH: “You know, we never got to see the cats play football.”

Me (totally stunned as Mrs INH had never previously displayed the slightest interest in any sport*): “What!?”

Mrs INH: “The cats. We never got to see them play football.”

Me (the penny slowly dropping): “They mean, watch the Geelong Football Club play a football match. Geelong is also called ‘the Cats’.”

Mrs INH: “Oh. I though it meant the owners of the B & B had trained their cats to play football for the amusement of the guests.”

*This is a woman who took a book with her when I finally dragged her to a test cricket match.

32 comments:

squib said...

Mrs INH is a little bit fabulous

Would the footballs be to scale, do you think? That would be very cute

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Mrs INH is indeed a gem among women, despite her baffling lack of interest in test cricket.

I imagine the footballs, goals and jumpers would all be to scale, Squib.

Lewd Bob said...

Cats, lacking opposable thumbs (I've checked), would struggle to mark the ball. Unless of course they're referring to soccer, in which case it all seems possible.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Cats, lacking opposable thumbs would struggle to mark the ball.

I hadn't realised they were playing for Richmond now.

Hi, Pers!

Boogeyman said...

Cats couldn't play soccer because they'd technically be handling the ball every time they bat it with their front paws.

But if there's a game that involves chasing a huge ball of wool down a field, the cats are your players. Just don't expect them not to stop metres from the try-line and lick themselves all over.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

And cats have no understanding of the "off-side" rule.

Lewd Bob said...

But I would love to see a cat pull its jumper over its head and race around the field.

Aesophia said...

Explain to me why test cricket should be interesting Ramon... Or rather HOW it could be interesting...

And as a side note, how does one use these < i > tag thingies... I want to emPHAsise my sentences, without actually having to capitalise.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Because test cricket is THE GREATEST GAME EVER INVENTED, Aesophia.

Lewd Bob said...

...test cricket is THE GREATEST GAME EVER INVENTED...

Hear here.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

We're going to go through the Poms like a hot knife through butter, Bob.

I now propose to high-jack this post with a long discussion about test cricket stats.

Lewd Bob said...

I'm with you, Ramon.

Alex said...

Aesophia, you have to stick the tags around the bit of your comment that you want to emphasise.

For instance, <i>I want this bit in italics</i><b>and this bit in bold.</b>

I think I mentioned this before, but selecting View->Page Source from your browser menu or hitting Ctrl+u lets you examine the page and see how all this stuff is done. If you're interested, that is.

Lewd Bob said...

Pretty quiet in here for a Monday. Usually everyone's avoiding work by making comments. To make up for a general lack of effort (due to school holidays, dodgy footy results, general apathy?) I thought I'd report that the weather here at Jamieson is lovely, the trees relatively green and the wildlife abundant. During the drive up, however, we passed close to Kinglake. Jesus Christ, the whole forest, once thick and inpenetrable, is now black, brown and eerie. The trees are fighting back slowly. New regrowth can be seen but the forest floor is still barren.

Melba said...

I once won an egg-throwing competition in Jamieson.

Oh, and I enjoyed the cats and sport dialogue.

Thank you.

eat my shorts said...

I though it meant the owners of the B & B had trained their cats to play football for the amusement of the guests

That's exactly the image I had in my mind when I first read that sentence in your post. The only thing is that the cats would have to want to play footy first, you could never train them to do that if they didn't want to.

This is a woman who took a book with her when I finally dragged her to a test cricket match.

One of my friends was dragged along to a test cricket match over the summer holidays. When we were talking about it beforehand, I suggested she take a good book, some beers and some olives and crusty bread to keep her entertained during the boring bits.

Lewd Bob said...

I once won an egg-throwing competition in Jamieson.

Jesus, Melba. I was once hit in the side of the head by an egg when walking through Jamison.

Spooky.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Gee, the fun never stops in Jamieson.

Lewd Bob said...

Never.

wari lasi said...

I won musical chairs at my daughter's school picnic. I think it's my most notable sporting achievement, after catching my first marlin.

And Bob, you started it, and I know Melba cares, but the weather in Port Moresby today is overcast and humid. It belted down rain (as it can only do in the tropics) between 4 and 6 this morning.

Perseus said...

I prefer The Ashes being played in England because I can watch more of it (not being at work) and there is nothing better than going to bed late at night listening to the ABC coverage... with Natalie Portman naked beside you.

Lewd Bob said...

Surely you mean Scarlett Johannsson

Perseus said...

No, Portman, because she can also read and write.

Lewd Bob said...

Bah!

Boogeyman said...

Perseus, Lewd Bob, stop squabbling.

If ever it came down to a choice between Natalie Portman or Scarlett Johhannssonn, could you really find it in your heart to say no to either of them?

Perseus said...

Lewd Bob and I are likely to come to fisticuffs over which is the better gumtree out of Ghost Gum or Stringybark.

Which is clearly Ghost.

Lewd Bob said...

Stringybark, you cunt!

Perseus said...

Stringybark? What are you? Retarded? Get a life.

Lewd Bob said...

You obviously have nothing but the shallowest understanding of eucalyptus, you philistine.

Stringybark. Stringybark Creek. Ned Kelly. Our greatest legend (not the bloke, the story).

What have ghost gums given us? Limbs liable to fall suddenly and kill us when the rains come.

Melba said...

It was a ghost gum that killed Jo in Seven Little Australians. She heard the crack, raced across the paddock to where the younger sister was toddling along, threw herself across baby and saved her, but died with a broken back herself.

And I would like to just clarify the egg-throwing was with a partner, in an actual competition and all, WITH A TROPHY, so not just how far can an individual throw an egg (and perhaps hit someone not called Bob on the side of the head).

And my vote goes to Scarlett, Natalie is ordinary in comparison.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I didn't know Natalie Portman even liked test cricket, Pers.