Sunday, April 26, 2009

My AMAZING weekend!

Friday Night

Invited to the pub, but I didn't go because I was a little tired plus I'm avoiding a local girl who got drunk at my house last week when I had a friend down and I was drunk too, we were all drunk and messy, and when I went to bed I stripped naked in front of her not really thinking things out and got into bed and suddenly she's lying on top of me and kissing me and I was thinking, "Ew, no, ew" (I'm not attracted to her at all) but it was too late, I had kissed her once for like two seconds and then after three seconds I said, "get off me, go home," and she cracked it and I've been too scared to go out locally since, particularly because Miss Artist came down during the week and we were walking down the street arm in arm and I saw Local Girl and said, "Hey there," and she like totally snubbed us. So I watched the footy, then 2 episodes of The Sopranos. That's 5 hours, laying on the couch. Chain smoked, and drank a lot of tea and coffee.


Did 1 hours' work in the morning then rewarded myself by watching 2 more episodes of The Sopranos. I was invited to two parties in Melbourne - one a sedate and intimate housewarming, one a big bonfire party with heaps of people, and although I'm fairly lonely in my life right now, I decided to stay home and watch the footy. I watched the amazing Essendon match, another episode of The Sopranos, and then I watched the Richmond match (go Tiges) and then I watched 3 more episodes of The Sopranos. Went to bed at 3am. Hours on couch for Saturday - 12-ish. Twelve fucking hours laying on a couch. More than a pack of cigarettes.


Got up at 9am fully intending to achieve things. Clean house, do some exercise, do some writing. Started by watching an episode of The Sopranos. I then murdered a bird. It was stuck in my potbelly chimney flue for a couple of days, and I was cold, and anyway, I've always assumed the birds stuck in there just end up flying out. I was wrong. I think there's a pile of carcasses in the flue, because when I lit the fire to warmup, I heard it desperately fluttering its wings trying to get away, and then it fluttered no more. I was a little upset, particularly when Miss Artist cancelled on me for Monday-Wednesday this week. See, Miss Artist came down during the week last week and spent some nights here and we hard some erotic moments and I really enjoyed it, and she said that for a little while, maybe for a month or two, she would come down every Monday-Wednesday. But she cancelled on me, equally indefinitely. Like, last week was it, I think. Into my life nude, out of it straightaway, fully clothed. To cheer up from that and the bird murder, I watched an episode of The Sopranos. Then it was footy time. Watched footy roundup shows, then the Geelong match, then some of the Carlton match, then I made some toasted sandwiches and watched five episodes of The Sopranos in a row. Season Two of The Sopranos finished, all watched in a mild catatonia within 72 hours. It has something to do with gangsters. Hours on couch for Sunday - 11 hours.

In Conclusion

I think there's something wrong with me. I am overwhelmed with lethargy but have trouble sleeping. I am shunning all social activity. I didn't talk to anyone all weekend - even Hot German Chick who stayed with me last summer and looks like this:

and she's calling on skype and on my home phone saying in her cute Bavarian accent "are you dare? talk wiz me?" and the reason I ignored her and wouldn't talk to her was because I WAS WATCHING DVD TELEVISION SHOWS. Like, she's a friend - a single one (in Germany, but, you know, whatever).

And there is so much I want to do. I'm trying to write a book, a movie, do stuff for the band, get better organised with money, meet a nice woman and have a proper girlfriend for the first time in almost three years, and what am I doing? Laying on the fucking couch doing NOTHING. What's wrong with me?

So anyway, I wrote this blog tonight (it's Sunday 11.30pm) just so I can say I did something. I also put the bins out in the rain. That was the most active thing I did all fucking weekend.

This is not something peculiar to this weekend either. I've noticed this gradually happening to me in the past year. If people visit me here I'm hospitable and a good host, but I'm not making any effort to leave the house to see people. I'm occassionaly shocked into action, like when work gets very busy or when a Ponygirl comes racing into my life, but generally, I've been on a downward spiral. I used to pride myself on keeping busy with side projects. I've lost it. I can't even be bothered doing book reviews, and I used to love doing them. My biggest side project now is housework. It's one plus out of all of this - my house is spotless.

Is it because I'm turning 40 this year? Is that it?


catlick said...

Oh Perseus. You have Regional Social Malaise Syndrome. (R.S.M.S.) I've got it too. Don't stress. The only real problem is the risk of couch sores, but going out for bins and firewood is proven therapy. I have found that a square meter of fine wire mesh wrapped round the flue deals with the birds. (Wrap carefully as you don't want to damage your "flue".)

Lewd Bob said...

It sounds like the onset of severe depression. However I won't start worrying until your blogs are verging on the suicidal. Here's an option: move back to the city, you hick.

Anonymous said...

Is it because I'm turning 40 this year? Is that it? Nooo, it can't be that, because I've got exactly the same thing, and I'm only 37.

I think Lewd's on the money.

Cath said...

I agree with Bob..... A case of depression is floating around. How you manage this episode is up to you? I can only manage mine with anti-depressants..... Staying home is lovely - to a point. Don't be overwhelmed with trying to do lots of things to break out of this. Just do one thing a day, or a week. Write a review (I miss them!!!). The sense of achievement may be small, but it keeps the momentum going.

Perseus said...

I really don't think it's depression. It's lethargy. My spirits, as such, are not low. It's my energy levels, which results in a lazy brain. I was happy to lay on the couch, but after three days of laying on the couch I was very annoyed with myself.

It's a kind of fatigue with my life. I need fresh air.

Cath's right. I'll do a book review tonight, after going for a walk or something.

Can someone else please post something happier?

Anonymous said...

I think you've got swine flu, PQ. You've been hanging around with that hussy witch Circe again, haven't you?

wari lasi said...

1. Stop smoking. You'll feel better straight away. Really, like within 24 hours. Carbon monoxide is a poison. And what is one of the first symptoms of CO1 poisoning? Lethargy. Show me an energetic, active smoker. Giving up was the hardest thing I've ever done, by a fucking mile. But it was also one of the smartest.

2. You have beautiful women interested in you. That German girl is a serious looker in case you didn't notice. Brighten up your act. You sound like a good bloke. Smart and well adjusted. As my dear old Dad would say (in one of his more lucid, less alcohol affected moments). Stop feeling sorry for yourself. So you've fallen down? Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and press on. I would not say the above if I for one minute thought you were actually clinically depressed. You wouldn't have written the blog if you were.

3. Fuck the bird, it was its own stupid fault.

BTW, I flew to Rabaul on the rearly flight this morning and the Baguio girl was on the plane, as beautiful as ever. She'd been in Moresby all weekend and never rang me. This event may have made me more cynical this morning than I usually am.

Perseus said...

So quit the thing that makes me happiest Wari? No.

Beautiful women are interested in befriending me because I am a good and generous host, I listen well, I can talk on a wide variety of topics and I don't try to come on to them. They are not interested in having a relationship with me.

Did you have your hot nanny with you on the plane?

Anonymous said...

Perseus, you hit 40 in a few months.

Many would say you're well overdue for a mid-life crisis.

Buy yourself a fast car/motorbike, lots of leather, and say 'ayyy babbeeeeee' a lot to hot chicks you ride past.

I don't know if it'll really help but it'll pass the time till you turn 50.

Perseus said...

I'm buying a boring Subaru wagon instead. I don't drive fast. I've never had a speeding ticket, ever, in my life.

I've lived recklessly for a while now. I think my midlife crisis wil be settling down, being responsible and conservative.

wari lasi said...

Smoking is the thing that makes you happiest? Not doing something that makes someone else happy? Not realising that someone loves you? Not doing something that you know very few other people could do? Good food? Good company? Or a million other things. Wow.

No. Nanny (Rachael) stayed behind to mind Emma. I'm working, not holidaying in dusty, trashed Rabaul. Kokopo actually (just in case you're familiar with East New Britain). She (Baguio) has since sent me a bunch of text messages asking me how long I'm in town for etc. I'm ignoring her. At this stage. Being strong and aloof. At this stage. God, she's so beautiful.

And turning 40 aint nothing. Mrs L is 46 today, and I turn 45 on May 12. Closer to 50 than 40. Yuck. I still don't feel like a grown up yet.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Sounds like you have a severe case of angst, to me.

Is that why I haven't got my tea-towel?

That bird you BBQed - was it an owl?

Perseus said...

I mean, smoking makes me happiest of all the things I do alone in the house when I'm being anti-social.

I suspect Baguio Girl has a lover in Moresby, which is why she doesn't text you when she's there, and only when she is elsewhere.

squib said...

You need to go for a swim in the ocean

Pepsi said...

I dont think it was you, it was Season 2.

The early Sopranos were compelling enough to stay home for a weekend on the lounge.

I wouldnt worry too much, its just "I couldnt be arsed" syndrome, it goes away after a few weeks on its own.

Chronic sufferers require a good 'get over yourself stupid' slap in the head, but most people just need a little time.

Dr Pepsi recommends taking it easy till the symptoms go away, plenty of bed rest and keep up the fluids.

wari lasi said...

Thanks Perseus. I suppose I deserved that.

Anyway I'm over her. I am. I am. I am. I'll press on with the meaningless relationship with the 23 year old Nanny.

It could be worse I suppose.

Perseus said...

Miss Artist is 22. We are both pathetic, pathetic men, Wari.

Dr. Pepsi: Excellent diagnosis. It was TV's fault.

Squib: There is nothing between my local beach and the Antatrctic. Only the insane swim in it this tuime of year.

Ramon: "That bird you BBQed - was it an owl?"

That cheered me up more than anything. I have gone so far as to acquire your tea-towel. It is particularly horrid, as tea towels should be. I now have to muster the energy to get to the post office.

Lewd Bob said...

Can someone else please post something happier?I have one in drafts but it's too early to post. It would be like a premature baby, needing to spend weeks in an incubator if it hit the outside air right now. Further, it could result in the mother being slapped rather than the baby.

Leilani said...

Perseus, I've got the same problem. I am completely underwhelmed by everything. I think it's a mid-life crisis. Or at least I hope it is, because that means it will pass.

Perseus said...

After such a build up Bob, it better be good.

Leilani - wanna come around and watch TV with me? Then at least we can say we did something.

WitchOne said...

Pers. I see your lethargy and raise you one resignation from gainful employment.

Ye[p. I quit my job. Never mind the family, you know, babies and pets and partner etc. I quit!

So, for the rest of the day, I have downloaded stuff from (movies and music), had some bourbon (started a couple of hours ago), overshared on facebook and smoked like a little chimney.

Come over here, bring your Soprano's, because, well, I have the bourbon and can't drive now. Plus I have, too, have a couch.

Leilani said...

Thanks for the offer but I can't even be bothered putting my teacup in the dishwasher.

Do you think if I google "how to get my mojo back" I'll find an answer?

Perseus said...

Witchy. Be a housewife and get Mr. One to bring home the bacon. You don't need to work.

Leilani. The fact I can do housework means you might be in a worse state than I am. How about I come to your house and watch telly, which will force you to clean up before I get there.

eat my shorts said...

You should tell the German you've been playing the 'dudelsack', Perseus. Although, that's only funny in English, not German.

I don't know many other German words. Except for 'wurst'.

WitchOne said...

Pers, we've never met so I will forgive you that comment.

I don't "do" housework. I do, on the other hand, lunch, out, somewhere nice, with complimentary chocolates with my latte.

Perseus said...

EMS: Mish-mash is also German.

Witchie: I do housework. I would like to be a house husband. I would keep the house tidy, make the kids' lunch, and when my wife came home from work, dinner would be ready. I aspire to that, but I've had no offers other than being on Puss's standby list.

RandomGit said...

You're on a downward spiral?

Write an bunch of angry songs about it. Lots of dark electronic beats. It's a proven formula.

squib said...

There is nothing between my local beach and the Antarctic. Only the insane swim in it this time of year.Poppycock! I have swum at Apollo Bay in the middle of winter. It was very invigorating

Perseus said...

There are two drummers in my band, and everyone knows, drummers are violent sociopaths. If I suggested an electronic beat, they would savagely beat me.

Squib - That's mental. The water is like zero degrees. Did you have a wetsuit on?

Anonymous said...

Great idea, RG. I can see the songs now...

"Darness and angst" by Perseus Q

Arghh, argghh, the lunches have not been made.
Arghh, argghh, because there are no lunches to be made.
Darkness and angst, suffuses me,
Because I want, a family of three.
You rock and roll rebels, you purblind empty fools,
I just want, to take my kids to their school.
Arghh arghh, darkness clouds my fable,
Arghh arghh, I need to put dinner the table.

squib said...

No. You just need to dive straight in and move around rapidly. After about 5 mins the water feels tropical

Dare you

Perseus said...

Damn, you found my weak point. Being dared.

I'm too thin! I'll die of cold.

squib said...

I'm too thin!Are you saying that I must be fat?

The dare still stands. I think it will do you good

Perseus said...

You're either fat, or mental, or have a blood circulation hand-spun by Zeus himself.

I accept your dare.

I'm going to wait for a cold day, and when I have someone with me to take photos, and post on my experience of swimming in Antarctic waters.

patchouligirl said...

I had a very unproductive weekend too but it wasn't self inflicted. Its been one of those weekends where nothing I plan works out. Friends that I was going to meet on Saturday for two up at the RSL got sick and cancelled. Woolies were shut Sat am so I couldn't shop. The chicken I was going to cook that night had gone off (even though still in date) so I had to come up with emergency pasta. Today is the best one - car keys and house keys are missing. This is not unusual with a 2 yr old. I've turned the place upside down and still cant find them. I've searched the rubbish, the laundry basket, oven - all the usual dumping places. My pet hate for the day is computerised car keys as I have no spare and they need the car to be able to program a new one etc etc. I wonder if NRMA will spring for a tow?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

when I have someone with me to take photos, and post on my experience of swimming in Antarctic waters

Does that mean we have to look at photos of your arse, again?


Perseus said...

Yeah like I'm going to swim naked in cold water.

Shrinkage, Ramon.

I'll be in boardies, at least.

patchouligirl said...

Found them - in my guitar. On with the next crisis. I dont know what you're complaining about Pers, I WISH I could spend 12 hours watching tele and knocking back sex.

Perseus said...

I was going to suggest looking in the guitar PG.

eat my shorts said...

I do housework. I would like to be a house husband. I would keep the house tidy, make the kids' lunch, and when my wife came home from work, dinner would be ready. I aspire to that, but I've had no offers other than being on Puss's standby list.You didn't make that offer to me.

Feel like living in Tasmania?

Oh wait, it'll never work. You're thin and I'm ... less thin. You're a smoker and I'm ... not one. Never mind.

homesick said...

I dont know what you're complaining about Pers, I WISH I could spend 12 hours watching tele and knocking back sex.She is right Pers.. one persons hell is anothers heaven.

Everyone has "couldn't be arsed" moments in their lives. Maybe you need this time to reflect and sort out what it is you need to do/stop doing in your life.

Holy fuck did I sound like Dr Phil just then?
My god I am so sorry Pers.

Anonymous said...

"I WISH I could spend 12 hours watching tele and knocking back sex."

Erm, wouldn't it be better to spend 12 hours watching television while having sex. Only stopping occasionally to drink beer and/or eat ice cream?

Perseus said...

You didn't see Local Girl, Boogeyman.

Better to reject the sex, believe me.

She has a very nice personality.

wari lasi said...

watching television while having sex

I was always taught to concentrate on the task at hand. Focus boogey, focus.

And returning to this post I must comment that the German chick is really very beautiful. I'd go hard at that Perseus. Unless she's a drip of course.

She has a very nice personality

So she's butt ugly then.

Anonymous said...

Fair enough, Perseus, but why did you encourage her in the first place?

And weren't you wearing your beer goggles at the time anyway?

Perseus said...

They don't make beer goggles that thick.

And I did not lead her on in any way, shape or form. I got into bed, drunk. She followed. I asked her to leave.

Melba said...

Excuse me, you said you stripped off to the naked, Perseus.

Also, my 2c worth. I don't think that girl is even pretty , let alone staggeringly beautiful. She is bland and so ordinary.

I'd hate to think what Local Girl looks like if that other one is held up as the epitome of gorgeousness.

Poor Local Girl.

Actually maybe Local Girl is what I would call beautiful - ah, the vagaries of Mars and Venus.

Perseus said...

I don;t think German Chick is the epitome of gorgeousness at all. She's attractive, and in real life, with her accent and posture, she was pretty hot.

Local Girl, unfortunately, is a woofer. But a really nice girl.

I sleep naked Melba. I was just getting into bed, and she walked in as I was doing so. I had already said 'goodnight' in the loungeroom.

Lewd Bob said...

Gee Melba, you roasted me for my Christina Nixon pig comment, and now we get 'bland and ordinary'. At least pigs have personality and a little disease named after them. ;-)

Melba said...

Thanks for explaining Perseus, you hadn't made it clear you said goodnight and left her in the other room.

Just quietly, do you know a couple in Lorne with a surname that is a common house part?

And Bob, hello!

Perseus said...

The Ceiling family?

Um. More information.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Oh, come on Per. you must know them.

The Architrave family, lovely couple.

Perseus said...

If there really was an Architrave family, a) I wouldn;t know them because I don't really socialise, and b) I would laugh at their name really loudly. Then again, my surname is also a common house part, but not a silly one like architrave.

Lewd Bob said...

Perseus Skirting Board

Melba said...

No, his first name starts with P and wife = M, and surname is the thing made of glass. Very normal and non-fancy, all houses have them, except maybe igloos.

He's lived there for yonks so surely you know them!! Maybe they're not there any more...

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Paul and Mary Window?

Melba said...


Not Mary. But yes.

Perseus said...


Fuck me sideways. What an awful name.

Never heard of 'em.

Melba said...

It's not that bad. Better than architrave, or ceiling.

Anonymous said...

I think architrave sounds very distinguished, actually.

As in, my job title is... Architect to the Archbishop of Architrave, aka Archie.

Anonymous said...

If my name wasn't Architrave I'd take as a second choice Sepulchrave.