Friday, April 10, 2009

He Was A Carpenter By Trade, Or At Least That's What I'm Told

So here we are at Good Friday where we reflect on Xt's* death upon the wooden cross and his subsequent foot-spa from his favourite whore. It's the day where for some reason, His tortuous death means the stipid Micks don't eat red meat and I'm forced to wait over an hour for my piece of whiting, two calamari rings, two potato cakes, a pickled onion and three steamed dimmies because fucking holiday Catholics are clogging the lines.

Speaking of fucking Catholics, couldn't help but notice that today our most famous Catholic, Cardinal George Pell, has come out to support Pope Ratzy's assertion that condoms aren't much chop when it comes to stopping the spread of AIDS.

You know, he's kind of right. Abstinence would do the trick. Use of condoms infers people are rooting, which in turn, can spread AIDS. He's right on this.

But here in The Real World, where I live, and Pell is yet to pop in for a visit, I notice that generally speaking, people, as a whole, don't mind a shag, and this is where condoms play their role quite effectively.

He mentions in this article that one of the problems is that in Africa, the condoms are cheaply made and faulty... so, umm, does this mean if they were sturdy and reliable you'd be okay with this?

I don't mind the Micks, seriously. If I had to become religious, I'd choose Catholicism. I dig all the mystic shit and their ongoing 'holy trinity' philosophical ramblings, and drinking and smoking seems almost embraced, but really, it's about time they dropped the whole contraception thing.

If Catholics can accept evolution, they can accept contraception.

And Pell: You're a goose. What you're crapping on about has no relevance in modern society, and if it wasn't for the fact you were a devoted Richmond fan, I'd be calling for your instant dismissal. As it is, I'm calling for your Papalcy. I'd love one day to see the Pope passing judgement on Richmond's tactics and policies.

CNN Reporter: "For his global Easter message today, Pope Pellius called for further peace talks in the Middle East, for the instant dismantling of land mines in the Sudan, and for someone called 'Lids' to be played deeper in the forward line after the bounce."

Go Tigers, and Happy Easter cunts.

Amen.


*I'm up with the gnarly Christian kids and their street lingo!

19 comments:

Pepsi said...

Being a "mick" all I can say is how the hell can you eat pickled onions ?

I thought they were only eaten by old people and Poms.

Popey Benedict has it tough, its gotta be hard having the big chair and know that everybody knows you are only there to keep the seat warm whilst they wait for the one they really want to get a bit older - its just attention seeking.

George Pell is a dick, you'd be hard pressed to find a Catholic in Sydney who would argue with that.

Lewd Bob said...

A great man once said "All thinking men are atheists and should eat pickled onions on Good Friday".

Boogeyman said...

But wait, the Pope has reversed the Catholic Church's stance on condoms and abortion, according to this site.

WitchOne said...

mmmmm, Blue Banner pickled onions with vintage cheddar cheese on clix biscuits.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Oh, and happy bullshit days off bastards. Go the gratuitous holidays!!!

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Yes, yes Boogey, but what about the Church's stance on eating pickled onions.

Is it still a mortal sin?

catlick said...

John Safran has lost it.

Lewd Bob said...

Yep, that nails it.

Boogeyman said...

I dunno about the Catholic Church, Ramon, but the Church of Boogey holds pickled onions as our highest sacrament. When you eat pickled onions you partake of my flesh.

Ditto pickled red cabbage. Mmmm, delish.

Aesophia said...

He had actual nails hammered into his actual hands?!

I don't think WFT quite covers it, Lewd however, hit it on the head.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Young Pers*, it's traditional for Micks to eat fish on Good Friday (renunciation of the flesh, or some shit like that).

And if your diet includes pickled onions on a regular basis, I think I may be onto something about you not sustaining a continuing relationship with Teh Ladyzess.

*I can say "Young Pers", because I'm the oldest one here.

Show me more respect, dagnabbit!

catlick said...

Thomas Aquinas reportedly said that meat, dairy and eggs afforded greater pleasure than fish, and gave surplus energy for lust. Fasting and abstinence over this period requires a degree in Canon Law, (Canon 1253) Most wing it with flake and chips. I have made a smoked cod pie, (in white/parsley sauce) with a potato crust accented with sweet potato, (to echo the colour of the cod).

Oh, and bring back "dagnabbit".

And Boogey I can share my Japanese style red cabbage pickle recipe with you. It's a beauty.

Boogeyman said...

Fo shizzle yes. It's pretty rare to see grocery stores stock pickled red cabbage these days.

catlick said...

Boogey you have gmail.

catlick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
WitchOne said...

Boogey, any Dutch deli has pickled red cabbage in jars.

It's teh awesomeness.

Fad MD said...

John Safran has lost it.

We were invited up to Pampanga to watch this (well not Jon Safran, but the regular Filipino nutcases that do it) but we declinded as it doesn't appear to be kid-friendly.
A bunch of people from work went and have spent all morning recounting it in gory detail. Or not so gory as the case may be. One of the guys that got nailed up was doing it for the 20th time, and there wasn't even any blood when he came down.

Apparently the self-flagellations were worse because the blod splattered everywhere.

They do it to absolve them of their sins etc and one guy who was interviewed on TV was asked why he did it:
"My children are always sick and this will make them better."
"Have you done this before?"
"Yes, every year"
"..."

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Dutch delis?

Where the hell do you live, Witchie, Little Amsterdam?

catlick said...

Jesus resurrected in a Kit Kat

Lewd Bob said...

I see it! Praise the Lord, I'm a believer!