(Richmond lost to Melbourne yesterday who are the worst team in the AFL, which now makes Richmond worse than the worst. Sports wrap is on at least a week hiatus. Haitus? Hiatis?)
TSFKA scholars who study my works in great detail may recall that last year, as part of my Ponygirl Rebound Period (Vers. 1) I developed a big crush on a chick called Artemis, who was the older sister of my band's manager (Spud) and our band's bass player (Boz). There were some dates, but it went nowhere, and she ended up hooking up with a guy called Sparky Picasso. But the nice thing about it all is that Artemis and I stayed great friends, and we chat everyday on Gmail, and I have even become mates with her boyfriend Sparky. We all get along famously and hang out regularly.
Anyway, Sparky Picasso is a fledgling artist, and last week he had his first solo exhibition. I attended the opening (free wine and sushi, which is a law in Melbourne - 'wine and sushi at all art openings; no variations, ever'), and anyway, at art exhibitions, if I know the artist, I go all George Costanza and feel compelled to buy something, and, with the help of the free wine, I invariably do.
So I looked at all the pieces, and quickly identified what I thought was clearly the best piece. A close up of an attractive woman looking alarmed at something. It's a pretty big piece, but it was in a really nice frame, the picture was engaging and active, and I knew it would look good in my spare room.
So, knowing you have to get in quick at these things, I ran up to Sparky and said, "I'll buy that one."
He fidgeted a litle nervously. "That one, ay?"
"Yeah, I love it."
"Oh, okay, well, alright then. Umm, okay, that one it is."
And I'm thinking to myself, he appears a little apprehensive. He's always so happy and positive about things! What's happening? So anyway, I pay the deposit, and I turned to my date for the night (Miss Bookworm) and said, "Hey, I bought that painting," and she looks at it and says, "Oh, yeah, that's really nice. It kinda looks like that girl over there."
She was pointing at Artemis.
I took another look at the painting.
Yep. Artemis.
I went up to Artemis and said, "Umm, is that painting of you?"
She said, "Yeah, it's nice isn't it? I wonder if anyone will buy it?"
I said, "Umm, I just did."
Yep, I bought an intimate close-up portrait of the artist's girlfriend, who a year ago was my flame.
Awkward for the next hour?
Oh yes.
Oh yes.
I drank like a fish.
A FISH!
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17 comments:
That's ok. For a minute then I thought you were going to say it was $45,000.
$600. Which is bad enough, given 90% of the retro art in my house is purchased for $10-$30 at op shops.
I LOVE op shop seascapes, and if anyone has tacky seascapes in their local op shops, please mail it to me.
$600!?
Fuck me sideways, I can't imagine spending $600 on anything, let alone a painting of an ex.
Like I said, I get all George Costanza and for some reason feel like I have to buy something.
Then I have to eat curds and whey for a month.
...but in all seriousness, I think art is a reasonable thing to spend big bucks on. It's, I dunno, good on just about every level. My record is $1200 for a piece of art.
Other people find solace in expensive and flashy cars, or computers, or home cinemas, or fashion or whatever. I don't really get any of the above and take no interest in it, but, I can be tempted to part with cash for a piece of art. If I was a trillionaire, what's where I'd waste my riches, but I'd still drive a Subaru.
You could have smoothed things over, Perseus, by asking if he could also paint a picture of Pony Girl to add to your collection.
An excellent idea Boogeyman. He could paint a few exes, I'd line the hallway with them and call it the 'Hallway of Regret'.
How apt.
No one else has asked, so I will. When you say "intimate portrait" do you mean "nude"? When you say "alarmed" do you mean "orgasmic"?
the 'Hallway of Regret'.
You don't think that might be a wee bit depressing?
Pers, I'd be the same if I was rich (well, I'd have an on-call driver with my cheap car, since I hate driving), but yes, all my money would go on art in its various forms.
And 'Hallway of Regret' is awesome.
I can see you Desci with the chauffeur opening the 1982 Corolla rusty door for you.
Melba - Intimate, as in extreme close up of her face, and alarmed, as in a look of 'alarm' in her eyes which he has captured quite well. It's really quite a good painting.
This is probably as good a time as any to admit that I spent a fair bit on a Leunig painting on a piece of tin
If I had loads of money I would kill for a painting by Emily Kngwarreye
"I would kill for a painting by Emily Kngwarreye"
I'd kill myself trying to pronounce that.
I have said it before and I will say it again Pers... you are a dick when it comes to women. You must check your choices in EVERYTHING through others first.
And Squib - I agree, I pine for the money to buy an Emily...!
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