Monday, June 15, 2009

Good Riddance

Finally, Costello has announced his political intentions, namely, that he doesn't have intentions anymore and he's quiting politics.

For about ten years there has been 'speculation' that he would take leadership of the Liberal Party. Endless speculation. Speculation, speculation, speculation, but never any actual event, and yet, for some reason, the speculation was in the newspapers every fucking week and it was SO BORING. I'm glad he's going just so I don't have to read the 'speculation' anymore.

I'm also glad he's going because he never did anything of worth. I've read the Costello Memoirs. He seems like a nice bloke, but he stood for nothing in particular aside from transparency of government accounts (which is a good thing) and, er, nothing else I could find... and I was looking real hard.

GST was his baby, and now I have to do a fucking BAS every fucking three months and it fucking shits me up the fucking wall.

Some politicians quit the game in shame, some quit it in glory. Costello quits the game in a blaze of failed aspirations and with only drab, colourless contributions to Australian history.

Mr. Costello: Thankyou for your honesty and your dedication to transparent accounting, but that's it.

You did nothing that will be remembered in 100 years time aside from being Howard's pissboy.

33 comments:

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I've read the Costello Memoirs. He seems like a nice bloke

I dare say that's the impression he gives in the book.

I've met him professionally on a number of occasions.

He struck me as a first-rate cunt.

Lewd Bob said...

You're right, Perseus. There will be no Costello legacy of note. In a few years, Australians will have a stronger memory of Lou Costello.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I'm hoping the "Costello legacy" will consist largely of red-hot needles being inserted into his rectum on a daily basis.

Lewd Bob said...

I had that done recently when I visited a 'Mind, Body, Spirit' exhibition.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

How much does that sort of thing set you back, Bob?

Lewd Bob said...

$70. But I would've paid $100.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

A bargin, in anybody's language.

Boogeyman said...

red-hot needles being inserted into his rectum

This is what you get when you cross Colonic Irrigation Therapy with Acupuncture, and add a liberal dose of Stoicism.

Perseus said...

If I had've known he was prepared to pay me $100 I would've also given him a bag of jelly beans when we finished the treatment.

Lewd Bob said...

If I'd have known that was you wearing the rasta wig, I would never have dropped my pants, jelly beans or not.

wari lasi said...

First Dog on the Moon gives him a mention today. Maybe they knew something?

I liked him economically, but he always came across as a smug arsehole. And his parting gift to the party has been the instability he's given them since the last election.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

And his parting gift to the party has been the instability he's given them since the last election.

True, wari, there is that point in his favour.

eat my shorts said...

Question: What's a pissboy?

Boogeyman said...

I liked him economically

Yeah, so hard to manage an economy with bucketloads of money coming in the door. The only difficult economic decision Costello ever had to make was 'tax cuts or pork'.

Sharon's Stone said...

Eat my shorts: Not sure exactly what a pissboy is but I'm assuming Sir Alexander "stockings" Downer fitted perfectly into this category.

wari lasi said...

Boogey, it was complex stuff compared to the Economics 101 approach we're seeing from Swan et al. I'm not totally opposed to the Keyneseyan "spend your way to prosperity" approach but the $900? Don't talk to me about pork. That money would have been far better spent on any social infrastructure project.

And the virtual removal of any competition in the banking sector by allowing the St George merger and only guaranteeing deposits initially for the "Big 4". Knee jerk shit that was always going to be a disaster for second tier institutions. Look at the CBA (being followed by two of their mates now) and their incredibly cynical increase in the variable rate. Why? Why does a dog lick it's balls?

wari lasi said...

Oops, apostrophe police forgive me. It's early.

Lewd Bob said...

Yes Wari, that superfluous apostrophe stuck out like dog's balls. Or is it dogs' balls? To how many dogs are we referring?

catlick said...

Piss boy and for extra mirth, it's in German!

And on another matter, I been waiting to use this line since Judy Garland last played Festival Hall: "Have another brandy Judy!"

Boogeyman said...

it was complex stuff compared to the Economics 101 approach we're seeing from Swan et al.

Oh puh-lease, Wari. Complex stuff? Stop sniffing that cheap ink they print the PNG money with.

What economic reforms did Costello's era ever give us, eh? GST, which was Hewson's and Howard's baby (and, arguably, Keating's, since he first proposed it during the 80's) long before Costello became Treasurer.

Apart from that, he was responsible for no other reforms or needing to handle any crises. By comparison, Swan has been thrust into a financial crisis in his first term as Treasurer, and followed the advice of Treasury in making the stimulus expenditures you are so keen to criticise. Australia is currently in less financial trouble than most other economies of the world. It can convincingly be argued that this position is a result of those stimulus payments.

I think you assume because Swan comes across as nervous and uncertain, and Costello comes across as if he thinks he's god's gift to economic management, that that is a reflection of some underlying reality.

wari lasi said...

Bob - Definitely the latter. I would regard both your instances as correct apostrophe usage however.

wari lasi said...

And Boogey - I think he is nervous and uncertain. We could argue for ever about the stimulus payments. The relative merits of consumer spending when you are in fact spending borrowed money. It is arguable whether it makes sense to borrow to buy the groceries but of course it makes sense to borrow to buy a house (assuming you can service the loan of course).

We are only not technically in a recession because of a plunge in imports. That is unlikely to be repeated this quarter. We are in better shape than other parts of the world because of a well regulated banking system. The basket case that is the US financial sector is the root cause of this whole debacle. Which they have done nothing about to date.

Off to sniff some more of that "not quite dry" PNG money.

Boogeyman said...

No matter what you might think of Swan's performance, I don't think you can put Peter Costello up as some sort of benchmark for good economic savvy. His response to many years of prosperity was to give the money back as pork and tax cuts, thus stoking inflation. At least Swan's handouts were driven by an economic need.

eat my shorts said...

Piss boy and for extra mirth, it's in German!

Sad face. I'm on dialup. You'll have to give me a non-Youtube synopsis if I'm to be better informed.

Ah fuck it. I'll just do what I tell my students to do and Google it.

Of course, what I really mean is: I'll just design a pedagogically sound teaching and learning opportunity that will allow me to achieve at a high standard in numeracy and literacy while at the same time effectively utilising information and communication technologies to further enhance my own personal learning experience.

And speaking of German, do you want to know the German word for bagpipes? It's a little rude.

Perseus said...

Can someone tell EMS that her comment made me laugh, that a pissboy is the bloke who runs after the King with a bucket for the King to piss into, and that I want to know what the German for bagpipes is.

I'd tell her these things myself but I'm not allowed to talk to her.

Day 17. Four beers still in fridge.

Boogeyman said...

I'm on dialup.

Gawd, what are you doing on dialup? Where do you live, the Mesolithic or something? Oh... wait, Tasmania, right.

do you want to know the German word for bagpipes?

Based on news articles for Sacha Baron Cohen's new movie Bruno, I'm taking a wild stab in the dark at 'Dudelsack'.

eat my shorts said...

Yes, it's dudelsack! Well done Boogs. And c'mon, you already know I'm a dial up doofus. I'm sure I've admitted that shortcoming before.

But what's with Sacha Baron Cohen stealing *my* material?! Hm?! I have two dudelsack stories and I'm willing to share them if youse all want to hear them. (Actually, I thought I already had, but to be honest, I've told them so often I tend to forget.)

a pissboy is the bloke who runs after the King with a bucket for the King to piss into

Which is kinda close to what I thought it was. I thought it was a bloke who held the king's willy while he took a leak. My version's a bit more ... intimate, I suppose.

Day 17. Four beers still in fridge.

Lies! All lies!

eat my shorts said...

Oh, and, while I think of it ... Telstra, being the gods of communication they are, asked me, as they completely fucked up my new connection (seriously, literally, within the same fecking call - during which they promised me they wouldn't charge me for the new connection because they fucked it up and which, guess what, they have charged me for) if I would like broadband connected as well?

They couldn't manage an ordinary, average, everyday phone connection without me fixing it for them (honest to god, I wouldn't have the phone on right now if I hadn't solved the problem), why on earth do they think I'd be confident they'd be able to manage a broadband connection?

I figured that I was lucky enough to actually have my phone connected in the first place (and be charged for them connecting it to the wrong address, and disconnecting the account for those poor bastards), let alone deal with their fuckwittery in attempting to connect me to broadband.

So am I bothered that I don't have broadband? No. Am I bothered that tomorrow, I'll have to spend more of my time and money talking to Telstra so that they don't charge me for their own mistake and incompetence? My wordy-lordy yes Janelle.

eat my shorts said...

Oooh, I was quite ranty, wasn't I?

Sorry. Won't happen again.

Ophelia said...

Rant away, EMS, that's what we're here for. And they fucking deserve it.

Ophelia said...

But jesus, how do you survive without broadband?!

Lewd Bob said...

What shits me the most about Telstra are their 'feelgood' ads which attempt to make viewers get all teary-eyed about the wonderful services they provide. These feelings are, of course, in complete contrast to those that everybody actually has towards the company. I realise that's their point, to get us to change our attitudes but, seriously, who the fuck are they kidding?

eat my shorts said...

I survive without broadband in the same way I survive without Austar. I just don't think either are really all that necessary.

When I had my Austar disconnected, they called me up to ask why and whether or not I want it reconnected. Which I thought was a fairly dumb thing to ask. Why would I ask for the service to be discontinued and then just because they call and harrass me about it, change my mind and say, sure, ok then, put it back on? Then they were all, "But what will you do for entertainment?"

Honest to fucking god. I hung up the phone at that point, I don't even want to hear someone else that stupid breathing, let alone have them hassling me to spend money on a crappy service I don't need.