Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Strange occurrences in a Melbourne winter

The author relaxing after a hard day

The other day, I was walking to the station from work on a freezing Melbourne winter afternoon, dressed in my usual work clobber (black double-breasted suit, white shirt, full length black overcoat, black scarf) when a bloke coming the other way walked past.

“Good evening Father” he says, in a marked Irish accent.

Not being a Catholic priest, I was nonplussed and thus was unable to respond in time with a simple “Bless you, my son” or even a witty “Feck off’.

Assuming he wasn’t taking the piss, we’re left with two possibilities.

He was deceived by either;
a) the air of sanctity and piety radiating from my innocent brow, or
b) the fact I have a face that suggests the owner is fond of a glass or 27.

Either way, it was a bit of a head scratcher.

33 comments:

Perseus said...

I will now forever think of you as 'Father Ramon'.

You should've demanded his confession.

Perseus said...

Wait a sec... double-breasted? Get yourself to Anton's, NOW.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

What's wrong with a double-breasted suit?

catlick said...

(c) The trail of busted altar boys in your wake.

Perseus said...

Everything is wrong with double-breasted suits.

Trench-coats, yes, double-breast away, but not a suit jacket. Blurgh.

Then again, what would I know about fashion? Nothing. Nothing at all. I have not changed my fashion sense since 1988.

Lewd Bob said...

You're wearing a little less Richmond Footy Club attire these days.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You watch it Pers, or I'll deny you Communion.

Boogeyman said...

You weren't wearing the ceremonial altar for our cult out in public again, were you Ramon?

Also, I was going to suggest that maybe you have the face of a kiddy-fiddler as a third option, but Catlick beat me to it.

And far be it for me to further tear a gaping goatse in the arse-hole of space-time, and sour the jelly pits of high-thinking women everywhere, but for the second time in a week, I agree with Perseus. Double-breasted suit jackets just scream antiquated Kerry packer-style fat cats.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

That's it

No Extreme Unction for you, Boogey.

Boogeyman said...

No Extreme Unction for you, Boogey.

But, but, but...

How will I moisturise?

Boogeyman said...

Btw, that earlier comment should have said 'ceremonial mitre' not 'ceremonial altar'.

homesick said...

Ramon you're a hammer & sickle gent... they do not wear double breasted suits.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Boogey, you should have thought of that before you mocked my fashion sense.

they do not wear double breasted suits

We don't?

Mr E Discharge said...

You watch it Pers, or I'll deny you Communion.



Some Pell you turned out to be , Ramon.

Sharon's Stone said...

Anton's...you're a yuppy Perseus. The average shirt costs $200 from that place.

Perseus said...

Yuppy? Hardly. Not even close. I'll accept goth, bogan goth, pirate texan bogan goth, pirate texan bogan goth nerd, but not yuppy. I am so not yuppy.

I don't get shirts from Anton's anyway, only suits, which are very well made and last for years and years. I save up and buy one every 18 months or so.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Maybe they have discounts for members of the clergy.

Mr E Discharge said...

Sharon, the photographic evidence on this site and PQs own site conclusively prove that Perseus only has the one outfit. And it's not from Antons.

Boogeyman said...

Is it possible Perseus is a yuppy texan pirate goth hayseed?

Perseus said...

Don't bring up the Mallee photo again Mr. E, it traumatises Lewd Bob. Amd anyway, if they sold 'birthday suits' at Anton's I'd buy one.

I currently own four 3-piece suits, all Anton's.

Melba said...

And do you gentleman follow the Satorialist's advice on the length of your shirt cuffs relative to the length of the suit jacket sleeve? He is very specific.

Also. Perseus. Suit colours? I can only think of two that are acceptable, possibly three.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Don't ask me, Melba.

According to Perseus and Boogey, I have no fashion sense.

Perseus said...

Melba - three are black (but each with a very thin pinstripe of differing colour) and one grey. What's the third colour? Not blue, I hope? Blue suits... yuk.

I did once have a kind of tramways browny-green suit which was fantastic; it was vintage (1930's) and it fell apart one night after a gig when OFF MY FACE. There are photos of me laying in the gutter outside the venue, but we suspect it was that kind of debauchery that one us the Queenscliff 'Best of the Festival' award (for the second time).

And yes, the shirt should jut out an inch or so from beyond the sleeve cuff.

That is the sum total of all I know and understand about fashion.

Melba said...

My acceptable suit colours = black, grey and possibly a different colour grey to the one previous.

So all your colours are ok. Brown = bad. Blue = bad. Unless of course they are vintage and the wearer is one funky motherfucker.

Which you are. I can still see the tram conductor suits. I would say closer to green than brown? Or did they go through some sort of Prue Acton re-jig?

Lewd Bob said...

Spelling police.

Perseus, by 'one', one can only assume you mean 'won'.

I know you know, but it shat me.

eat my shorts said...

I have no doubt it's option A, Ramon.

You know, a quick and sarcastic: "T'be shure, t'be shure" shuts those Oirish fuckers right up. Just make sure they're not the kind who likes to punch on (you can tell this because of a certain glint in their eye).

My ancestors left Ireland because of the whole Protestant/Catholic thingy (at least that's what I'm told), if they knew I'd been teaching at a Catholic school they'd turn in their graves. Or just have another drink. Fecking alcoholics they were.

There's a spelling police? Do they have a uniform? I want to be recruited, I'm well qualified and have great references. Do I get a gun? And a siren?

eat my shorts said...

Oh you need to know this is way off topic:
And because I can't sleep and need to share (and maybe some of you might appreciate - or something - the story):

I resigned from my teaching position about a month ago and moved to the other end of the state in order to ... well, have a life, actually (which is actually working out quite well, thanks for asking).

I got a call from my ex-employers the other day to say that the person they'd hired to take over my classes hadn't turned up for the first day of second term (which was Monday). He's done a runner. Nicked off. Probably saw my overloaded teaching load and thought: "Fuck this shit!" and scarpered.

They had employed two people to do my job and now one of them has done a runner.

I'm a bit worried about my kids and I feel guilty for having left them in this situation in the first place. The thing is that the school has asked me to (ever so vaguely) organise some lessons for my old classes.

Here's my question: I can ask them to pay me for that, right? How much do you think that's worth? If they don't want to pay me, should I say no? (But they have exams and shit! I can't say no!) I'm at a loss for what to do.

homesick said...

Absolutely they must pay you for your time EMS. Maybe just charge them an hourly rate for the time you put in preparing the lessons.

Nice little sideline and your conscience will be cleared.

Ensure to ask them to give you anotherreference regarding this "saving their arse" gesture.

catlick said...

EMS a friend now teaching in Port Lincoln recently had a similar issue. It turned out that core curriculum development was work product and belonged to the school, but she was not required to hand over her own teaching notes, lesson plans and the vast pile of stuff that made her a better teacher. This sounds like a relationship from which you have moved on. Impractical/unwise to enter into an ongoing rescue plan.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I'd have a chat to your union about this, EMS.

homesick said...

Whoops sorry about that. We don't tend to get unions over here in the Caribbean. It's is pretty much each worker for him/herself over here.

Hey Ramon, ever considered a career in developing a Workers Union here in the British Virgin Islands?

Consider this...booze is cheaper than water,soft drink, even milk & absenthe is widely available.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Milk and absenthe?

At last, something to put on my breakfast cereal!

eat my shorts said...

It turned out that core curriculum development was work product and belonged to the school, but she was not required to hand over her own teaching notes, lesson plans and the vast pile of stuff that made her a better teacher.

That was my understanding of how it works as well. They have got someone else to teach the class who emailed me asking for my lesson plans and extra resources. I told them to see the Faculty Head (who has all the curriculum stuff, but not the rest of my goodies.)

It's frustrating because I know this other teacher is fairly slack. I did give them a suggestion for what they could do with the class for a short term assignment (and I think it was a pretty good idea actually). And do you think they've even bothered to email me back and say thanks? No, course not.

Having said that, they haven't asked me for any more help either, so I'm completely washing my hands of it.

Thanks for the help guys, and for letting me vent about it.