However, in the interest of promoting irresponsible drinking, I’d like to present the Ramon Insertnamehere Handy Dandy Guide to Alcoholism for you at Home.
First, choose a career where excessive use of alcohol is not only tolerated, but indeed encouraged. The obvious choice in this regard is as priest in the Catholic Church, but this rules out teh chicks and anybody interested in sexual congress with partners above the age of consent. As a fallback, I suggest the job in the working media.
Second, if you’re going to hide alcohol around the family home or workplace, then for God’s sake keep a mental note* of where you’ve hidden it (for example “bottle of Coopers Ale hidden in the bookshelves behind the collected works of George Orwell”, that sort of thing). For an aged relative to pop around for a cuppa, only to discover a hip flask of brandy hidden in the teapot is a definite no-no and you can’t keep blaming the time when the Deputy PM dropped around for a chin-wag, now can you**?
Finally, the early morning shakes can be blamed on your anti-depressant medication***.
And remember – white wine in a black coffee cup looks exactly like water.
Hope this helps.
* I realise this can get tricky towards the end of the evening, but make an effort do.
** Or can you?****
*** This works better if you are actually on anti-depressant medication.
**** No, probably not.