Thursday, June 4, 2009

Holiday Poetry Slam

I think I could turn and live with animals, they're so placid and self contain'd,
I stand and look at them long and long.
They do not sweat and whine about their condition,
They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins,
They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God,
Not one is dissatisfied, not one is demented with the mania of owning things,
Not one kneels to another, nor to his kind that lived thousands of years ago,
Not one is respectable or unhappy over the earth
.

Except cats, of course.

They're up to no good.

42 comments:

eat my shorts said...

You forgot the owls, Ramon. The owls!

homesick said...

Yes Ramon, think of the owls.

And here is something for you to wear whilst you do so.

https://store.theonion.com/owls-are-assholes-p-171.html

NB I can't do the link behind the word yet.. I try everytime but with no success *sigh*

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I don't think I could turn and live with owls, they're feathery cunt cunts.

Perseus said...

I'd like to be a seagull. Free fish n chips!

Boogeyman said...

Rats of the air, Perseus.

Perseus said...

Isn't that pigeons?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

No, that's owls.

Boogeyman said...

Rats of the sea air, then.

Anywhere near the ocean, they congregate around human feeding places harrassing people for food, much like pidgeons do in more inland urban areas.

Surely where you live they must be a real problem, Perseus.

Boogeyman said...

Speaking of animals, grasshopper has died.

I think that's the way he would have liked to go - asphyxiated in a sex act gone wrong.

squib said...

Boogey, I think you are being a bit mean about seagulls

Perseus said...

The seagulls aren't a problem here.

The white-tail spiders, the brown snakes, the occasional shark and the alcoholics are more of a problem. But the worst in our area are the cockatoos. They'll eat your house if they're hungry enough, and that noise they make. Ugh. Cunts.

(*NB - the Black cockatoos are awesome. It's the white squawking ones I refer to).

*

'Kill Bill' Bill Killed.

Boogeyman said...

The white-tail spiders ... are more of a problem.

Is that what they call the tramp-stamped chavs down your way?

wari lasi said...

Boogey - Re. seagulls. Isn't it "Rats with wings" from Finding Nemo?

It's my favourite line in the movie. I grew up on the Northern beaches in Sydney and they were always a nightmare if you were trying to eat. Those evil red eyes. We were at Darling Harbour just before Christmas and in the food hall downstairs one tried to nick Emma's hash brown. She just sat there and couldn't believe it.

squib said...

That's nothing, Wari. I was making sandwiches outside once and a crow came down and flew off with a whole tub of butter

Lewd Bob said...

That's nothing Squib. I once knew a writer who dropped 25 stories into a waste paper bin.

Desci said...

The white-tail spiders, the brown snakes, the occasional shark and the alcoholics are more of a problem.

Not to mention tubby drunken goths wandering in any time they're bored on a camping trip.

eat my shorts said...

I was making sandwiches outside once and a crow came down and flew off with a whole tub of butter

Now, what's a crow going to do with a whole tub of butter, hm? Just plain greedy, that is.

I know some boys from school (when I was a student, not last month or anything) who put glass between bread and left it for seagulls to eat.

Right little horrors, they were. In Year 7, one of them came up to me in class, grabbed my pencil case and chucked everything in it on the floor. That's why I became a teacher, so I can put little turds like that in detention.

Where was I? Oh, yes, animals. I don't know if the seagulls ate the broken glass sandwiches, but that's still a pretty shitty thing to do, isn't it? Even to seagulls.

squib said...

Lewd, who?

EMS, that's a bit psychotic

eat my shorts said...

EMS, that's a bit psychotic

I thought so.

patchouligirl said...

I grew up on the Northern Beaches too - what school did you go to Wari?

Melba said...

Arnold Horshack to squib: Oooh, oooh, oooh! I think the writer was one Mister Lewd Bob Hisself.

?

Today's been a slow comment day, compared to yesterday. But Perseus will be doing warm-ups in his yellow and green pirate logo tracky, boiling the kettle, positioning the tea cosy. For his Great War and Peace Readerthon. Maybe he's already started.

Lewd Bob said...

Sorry Squib and Melba. A lame joke which translates poorly into the written word. Stories/storeys being the pun.

Really sorry. Have a good weekend.

Melba said...

Apology accepted, Bob. For that to have [almost] worked, you needed to spell it "storeys" and then we might [not still] have gotten it.

Go Perseus Go.
Rah rah rah.

homesick said...

Bored?
Have psychotic tendencies towards seagulls?*

Try gull fishing. Put a bit piece of any food on the end of a hooked fishing line (sinkers not necessary). Have fishing rod set so the line runs freely. Let gull eat food and watch him fly away... then secure the line when gull is mid air... watch the feathers fall and laugh uncontrolably seeing as you're quite possibly either stoned or drunk or just plain ol' batshit crazy.


* great for owl and pigeons too

Lewd Bob said...

But Melba, If I'd written 'storeys' it would've given away the joke. Anyway, it only works verbally I suspect.

wari lasi said...

Patch - Marist Brothers Primary at Mosman, then high school at North Sydney.

Melba said...

I dunno Bob. It might have helped me get it, anyway. I think it's better to give away a joke than to have nobody get it, without a spell-it-out explanation. Then it's pretty lame.

I wonder what I professional comedian would say.

Boogeyman said...

Bob, I got your joke straight away. Don't listen to the h8trs.

I think you forgot the obligatory "thank you, thank you, here all week, try the entree, main course and epilogue"

patchouligirl said...

Wari - to me the run from the Spit to Palm Beach is Nthn Beaches, Mosman, Crows Nest, Nth Sydney etc I always call the North Shore (as in the North Shore of Sydney Harbour). I can't remember it being referred to any other way. I went to Forest High and Pittwater High, so much further north.

Lewd Bob said...

I think you forgot the obligatory "thank you, thank you, here all week, try the entree, main course and epilogue

I didn't want to step on your esteemed toes Boogey, despite the public domain nature of that wrap.

squib said...

That's still a good joke, Lewd. I think it just needed a bird

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Cripes, it's quiet today.

I blame the Glorous Revolution of 1688.

Pers, you have gmail.

Boogeyman said...

Ramon, I'm celebrating the birth of that Hanoverian freeloader who is our head of state by doing exactly what she does for us - bugger all.

Puss In Boots said...

Last 2 days in Paris! I'm annoyed I miss out on all the public holidays. There aren't many in the last half of the year. I suppose I shouldn't complain, considering I haven't worked since mid November.

WitchOne said...

And you're currently in PARIS!!!!!

I made someone send me a postcard from Paris once. She forgot, so she sent it from some Australian airport when she flew home.

I think it may have been a Parisian postcard though.

It's still on my corkboard. I treasure it.

Puss In Boots said...

I've sent so many postcards since I've been overseas. But I just ran out of stamps, so all my cards from Paris will be sent from Australia.

Paris isn't very nice right now. It's very rainy and cold. Actually, I think of all the time I spent in France, there were only 5 days when it didn't rain. Miserable weather. Give me the south of Spain any day.

Puss In Boots said...

Perseus, you have gmail.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

It's very rainy and cold.



You could have holidayed in Melbourne Puss and saved your dosh.

Puss In Boots said...

Indeed. I'm rather annoyed at the weather in France. I could have gone to the UK if I wanted to go overseas for this type of weather.

But at least Spain was nice and warm. It was really nice lying on the Spanish beaches. And not just because of all the topless chicks.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

And not just because of all the topless chicks.

I can hear Desci making the calls to travel agents now.

wari lasi said...

to me the run from the Spit to Palm Beach is Nthn Beaches

Me too Patch. Yes we lived on the "Lower North Shore" but when I say "grew up" I mean we spent most of our time on the beaches north of the Spit bridge. Balmoral is not exactly an exciting beach. My cousins lived at Newport and a good mate at North Narrabeen.

Puss - Even if the weather is crap, Je is still tray jealous of you cavorting in gay Paree.

Desci said...

Ah, but INH, Spain was nice and warm... topless chicks.

I'd be taking the bad with the good. The heat vs Cold thing is something Puss and I vehemently disagree on.