Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Georgia On My Mind

For my 40th birthday next year I have planned a 2 month trip through Ancient Greece. My plan was to start in Athens and catch up with friends (I lived there for a couple of years in the 90's), then head to Thessaly where I would take the Argonauts' journey from Thessaly to Colchis in search of the Golden Fleece. In Colchis, I had planned to volunteer at an archaelogical digging site for a week (probably doing their dishes), then make my way to Turkey to get to Troy, and from there, take Ulysses' journey from Troy to Ithaca.

The problem of course is that Ancient Colchis is these days known as 'Georgia' and the Russians are currently bombing the fuck out of it.

It's hard trying to make sense of the news reports. The Southern Ossetians, though technically Georgians, identify more with Russians (I'm guessing they are Orthodox). They were claiming some sort of autonomy so the Georgians sent some heavy-handed troops in to suppress the rebels, and in return, the Russians sent in 42 Billion soldiers and an apocalyptic army to a) protect the Southern Ossetians, b) Potentially invade the whole country of Georgia for the hell of it (you know, "While we're there") and c) Piss the whole world off.

Both the Georgians and the Russians have ruined my holiday. Cunts.

It is hard to predict what is going to happen. The US, who are good mates with Georgia, are making a bit of noise but they ain't sending anybody in to actually do anything. Instead, that suave-as-fuck French President Sarkozy and his hot, hot missus are heading over there for 'talks', presumably with Putin and his bevy of hot, hot mistresses.

All I know is this: The Russian Revolution fucked everything up. Ancient Colchis was a paradise and now it's Stalinist rubble, and if it gets blown off the face of the Earth by an angry Putin it won't matter because Medea, the Amazons and the Golden Fleece were all destroyed long ago by 20th century political lunacy.

22 comments:

Boogeyman said...

I saw a documentary, In Search of Myths and Heroes: The Golden Fleece where the presenter, Michael Wood, went on the journey you described. The rural Svans in Georgia seemed quite dangerous to know. You might need to man the fuck up before you head off there, in case they chop you up and feed you to their goats.

Oh, and it seems de rigeur these days to be president of some country and have a hot hot wife. Putin and the gymnast, Sarkozy and Bruni, Obama and Obama.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Ossetians are a separate ethnic group from the Georgians, Perseus, hence the current biffo.

As for the Russians - they were a pack of cunts under the Tsar. They were a pack of cunts under Lenin and they're a pack of cunts now.

Pity about your holiday.

You might want to stear clear of Macadonia as well.

president of some country and have a hot hot wife

Kruddy and Therese.

Perseus said...

Hmm, once the Olympics are over I'm going to download that episode. Thanks Boogeyman.

**


Religion may poison everything, but political extremism fucks everything up the arse whether it comes from the extreme right or the extreme left.

I've decided to blame Socialist Alliance for ruining my birthday.

Mahalia Jackson said...

But Perseus, if you do the Odysseus voyage (no nasty Roman names, please, young man) you'll be 50 by the time you get back.

Perseus said...

A) Yes, you're right. I went with the Roman name to appease the general public. I should be braver.

B) If I get to shag Calypso the nymph for seven years I won't complain one bit.

Mahalia Jackson said...

Mate, Herodotus put the fall of Troy at around 1250 BC and Douris had it even earlier. Calypso might have been a hottie back in those days but I reckon she'd be a bit long in the tooth by now.

Also, remember that Odysseus might have seen Nausicaa with her kit off, but he never got to shag here. That still happens a lot with birds on the Greek islands.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Careful around that Circe bint, Perseus.

Perseus said...

"That still happens a lot with birds on the Greek islands."

What?

We obviously went to different islands.

Mahalia Jackson said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Boogeyman said...

If I get to shag Calypso the nymph for seven years I won't complain one bit.

Won't Artemis get jealous?

I suppose she'll be off hunting with her feminazi galpals.

Mahalia Jackson said...

Artemis was the goddess of virginity. Can't imagine friend Perseus paying her much attention.

Cranky Frank said...

Believe me when I say to you I hope the Russians love their children too.

Perseus said...

Awful as it was, that was Sting's best solo song, which is an indictment on his solo career.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Or as Sting once so sagely observed on another occasion;

"do, do, do the dar, dar, dar"

I think there's something in that for us all.

Mahalia Jackson said...

How did Brigadier General Jack D Ripper pronounce their name? Rooshkies?

Mr E Discharge said...

Ironically if the Russians had attacked the other Georgia, no-one in Washington would have given a rat's arse. When I first heard the news, it conjured up a mental image of tanks rolling up Peachtree Ave in Altanta, and my ex wife going down in a hail of automatic weapons fire while trying to defend the cocktail bar at The Georgian Terrace Hotel.

*sighs and smiles wistfully*

Perseus said...

The UN would have to send in a crack team to evacuate the B52's. And maybe REM. Maybe .

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I'm sensing your breakup was not entirely amicable, Mr E.

Bonus points to the first TSFKA reader who can find a post blaming the whole thing on "US Imperialism".

Perseus said...

Too easy Ramon: http://www.respectcoalition.org/?ite=1978

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

By crikey Perseus, that's two beers I owe you now.

Mr E Discharge said...

The UN would have to send in a crack team to evacuate the B52's. And maybe REM. Maybe .

"Saving Private Schneider"?

Y'all dont need to worry, both bands are safe in Athens GA. Shoot, Nuthin
ever happens in Athens, believe me.

-insert banjo solo-

Cranky Frank said...

Who would seriously contemplate saving Michael Stipe?