Friday, August 15, 2008

Lewis, Lewis. Oh! Boy! Away I go....



It is well documented that I love the footy, but it is less well documented that my actual favourite spectator sport is Athletics. I was once a handy 800m runner but I was never going to be world-class, and at age 19 I had a choice of pursuing athletics or pursuing women in smoke-filled bars and I wisely chose the latter. But my love of the sport has continued and I am an armchair expert.

Let me tell you about Tamsyn Lewis. She is the second fastest Australian woman over 800m ever (and will probably become the fastest ever in the next couple of days). She is also the 3rd or 4th fastest ever over 400m which is not even her chosen event. She is the reigning World Indoor 800m Champion and has won 9 out of 9 Australian Championships at 800m. She can run the 800m in under 2 minutes, I couldn't even cycle that fast.

So why do people hate her? For starters, there was the public spat with Jana Rawlinson (nee Pittman) but Tamsyn was well within her rights on that one. They were competing against each other in a 400m and Jana said, "I'll win because there's no competition," and Tamsyn responded with, "I'll give you competition, bitch" and actually beat Jana in the race. Then she came out last week and said that she knows she'll be running against people on drugs - and in doing so, enraged the IOC and IAAF, even though she was saying what everybody was thinking. Add to that Australia's bloodlust for Gold Medals. She's a failure because she's only about the 10th best in the world. Her other crime is that she's a bit hot. It's what I call the Kournikova Syndrome... "How dare you be that sexy but only be the 10th best in the world! You're a charlatan, bitch!"

Give her a break, seriously. She's a fucking good athlete.

So I say to whichever sports journalist wrote this blurb in today's 'The Age':

1.10pm: Women's 800m, Tamsyn Lewis and Madeleine Pape
There's nothing like a dignified silence, and Lewis is nothing like a dignified silence. Lewis is a medal chance in the get-your-excuses-in-early sprint. She had a flyer last week, claiming she would be running against "drug cheats". Let's hope "good Tamsyn" triumphs over "evil everyone else" - except Pape.


I say, "You are a cunt."

59 comments:

Boogeyman said...

I had a choice of pursuing athletics or pursuing women in smoke-filled bars and I wisely chose the latter.

And how is that career choice turning out for you 20 years later?

And do people hate Tamsyn? Most people I know agree that Jana Pittman was a whinger and prima donna and got the serve she deserved.

Oh, and you also forgot that Tamsyn's many achievements include getting the bronze for DWTS 2006.

Perseus said...

Well, 20 years later I'm still pursuing women in bars (not smoke-filled though because of these stupid new laws), so, I think it showed a lot of foresight on my part.

Yes, they do hate Tamsyn. Jana is also hated but she often gets away with stuff because she actually is the best in the world at the 400m hurdles, whereas Tamsyn is ranked 10th-ish in her event.

Tamsyn is a victim of her own hot looks. She gets the media attention, and so people tune in to watch her then when she comes 6th in a race they feel cheated for some reason.

A few years back there was allegedly 'talk' within IAAF that they may withdraw her funding on the grounds that she wasn't performing to expectations. They would potentially divert funding to a lesser athlete who, presumably, would perform to expectation (even though that expectation would be to be, say, the 80th best in the world).

People expect Tamsyn to be the best in the world because she's hot and because she's got a mouth on her. It's ludicrous.

squib said...

It's true, I do need a bigger bottom

Just what sort of trash is that you're reading Persey?

Perseus said...

Well, if she wants to be an even better runner, she needs to put on more bulk. It's high-end sports journalism with low-end soft porn pictures.

squib said...

And how's the bible coming along?

Perseus said...

'Leviticus' will be posted next week.

WitchOne said...

Is she the best in Aus? If so, how is that "not performing to expectations"?

Perseus said...

Witchy, she's the best by far in Aus, but they unfairly 'expect' her to be the best in the world... because she's good looking and opinionated.

WitchOne said...

Gotcha. I've said my piece on the arrogance of our nation in regard to our athletes performance.

We're one of the best now but if the attitude doesn't change the times will as will the rate of athlete burn out.

wari lasi said...

She's certainly an attracive lady.

And Perseus, my muse texted me last night.

There might be hope for us all. I don't think I'll be asking her out to the footy though. Here it tends to dissolve into farce and tear gas.

Perseus said...

Wari - you coluld sit at home and watch Law & Order: SVU or go out with her. So you might break your heart again... so what? beats doing nothing.

Oh, update on my muse. I fucked up on the footy. It's Sunday, not Saturday, so she can't come. I then requested a Saturday night date in exchange, but she's already got plans, with, you know, the guy she's actually seeing.

I've decided to give up on her already. She's 14 years younger, lives 210kms away and is seeing someone. She is still coming down to my house on the first weekend of September, so I'm just going to do nothing until then. If she happens to be single by that stage I might give it another shot, but otherwise, it's too complex.

But I was flattered by her slight interest and I was impressed with my own gall, so now I'm inspired to pursue other chicks more suitable than the Virgin Artemis.

On to the Oceanids...

Coming soon: My efforts to seduce a chick called Chryseis, who has recently split with a long-term boyfriend. I will be 'there for her'.

Boogeyman said...

Stay away from that Briseis chick. Her ex was a psycho.

wari lasi said...

I just sent her an email. I was a bit tough, but I feel I have to move her along. I enquired how she was and answered it myself. "You're probably the same, I just can't see you doing anything to change it". I've got 10 years on her too. Her 34 to my 44.

I'm taking a very hands off approach too. Let's see how it works out for us both.

Stay away from that Briseis chick. Her ex was a psycho.

Mine's ex is still a psycho. He still sends me death threats.

Boogeyman said...

Mine's ex is still a psycho. He still sends me death threats.

Does he wear golden armor forged by the gods and sack cities before breakfast? 'Cause if he don't, there's really no comparison.

Perseus said...

Well, only minutes ago Tamsyn got through her heat and into the semi-finals. She came 4th in her heat, but interestingly, it was the fastest heat by a mile, and she was in fact the 4th fastest qualifier of ALL six heats.

Semi-finals are tomorrow night, but she's also running in the 400m tomorrow afternoon. I kind of hope she doesn't try in the 400m so she'll be fresh for the 800m semis.

Go Tamsyn go.

squib said...

Yeah just watched her

I was hoping to see a gymnast but I haven't seen one single gymnast since the Olympics started

Boogeyman said...

She came 4th in her heat, but interestingly, it was the fastest heat by a mile

That defies logic. Surely if she came 4th, 3 other people ran faster heats, no?

Perseus said...

Squib - gymnastics have been on a fair bit late at night.

Boogey - 6 heats, 8 runners in each heat. The 4 fastest qualifiers all came from Tamsyn's heat, making her the 4th fastest into the semi-finals. The runners in her heat happened to run much faster than all the girls in all the other heats.

WitchOne said...

Pers and Wari, hate to say it so bluntly but you're a pair of softcocks.

There's 11 years between myself and Velvet, my sister and her beloved have a 22 year gap.

It's all in whether or not you can be bothered, and if she is hot enough.

Clearly my sister is hotter.

Or something.

Perseus said...

It's not soft-cockness. She's interested a bit, but not enough. I have no issue with trying to seduce a 25 year old, but some 25 year olds have an issue with it. So I stay away from the ones that can't get their head around it, and I think Artemis is one of them. If I was 29, not 39, we'd be dating right now.


Chryseis is 24 - even younger than Artemis, and the age ain't stopping me, and Chryseis has no issue whatsoever with the age difference, thusly, away I go.

Wari might be a soft-cock though. I'll let him defend himself.

wari lasi said...

you're a pair of softcocks

That's it Witchie, no affair for you. And I've been rather tough on her (lets call her Baguio) I'll have you know.

My situation is slightly different to Perseus'. This lady is in love with me but isn't enough to really end it with the arsehole she's sort of with now. And she's got a business with him and his family, so it gets complicated.

WitchOne said...

Neither my sister nor I were interested due to age to start with, we were pursued, as only an "older" man can pursue a girl, with style and genuine old fashioned romance.

Just wish we still had time for that.

Meh, I cook for him, he listens to my ranting, that's romantic enough these days.

WitchOne said...

She doesn't love you then Wari, it's the idea of you.

I, on the other hand, love the idea of you, that's different!

Boogeyman said...

You got yourself a sugar daddy WitchOne?

Perseus, your way forward is clear. Get yourself a Ferrari and some bling and wow those younger chicks.

wari lasi said...

You just may be on the money there Witchie. Worse luck. That's why I try to deprive her of me, and she keeps coming back.

Still and all, she sleeps with the real me, not the idea of me. But alas, old fart that I am, I want more than that. She is the one you see.

And you love the idea of a fantasy guy who you don't know (who may not even exist, I could be some silly teenager) who lives in another country (maybe?) so you can safely know nothing weird will happen. Ain't the internet grand?

I bet you're not even a real witch.

Perseus said...

"Perseus, your way forward is clear. Get yourself a Ferrari and some bling and wow those younger chicks."

Gross.

No, I rely on my knowledge of the lesser known works of Shakespeare to impress these young, hot chicks. Who isn't turned on by an older man who can quote confidently from 'Timon of Athens'?

WitchOne said...

Yeah Boogey, there are just some things a young guy can't compete with, age and experience make the difference where it counts. ;)

Oh Wari, *sigh*, stop bringing reality into our affair, witch/bitch, there's a reason why they rhyme.

wari lasi said...

stop bringing reality into our affair

*Sigh* from me too. The worse thing about reality is how real it is. And unavoidable.

Had a call from Emma (her real name, I'm sure I've said it before anyway). The principal of her school has resigned, a really nice Kiwi lady. She thinks the world of her and is quite upset.

And she plays bloody netball at 8 tomorrow morning. So much for my big Friday night out.

I'll take a fantasy affair over reality any day.

wari lasi said...

I mean the worst thing!

Cant evan speek Inglish twoday.

WitchOne said...

Fantasy is good, everyone wins!

So can't you console her for a short time so she gets an early night?

patchouligirl said...

I rely on my knowledge of the lesser known works of Shakespeare to impress these young, hot chicks Ahh the romance of youth! Wheras to impress the older hot chicks one requires such things as punctuality, presentation, manners, solvency, knowing how to change a fuse, service a car, basic carpentry, plumbing and electrical as well as social skills and cultural awareness.

Mr E Discharge said...

Ahh the romance of youth!

Patch, the guy's pushing forty!

Money,Power,Property,Celebrity, Success. Those lacking the above will always be forced to settle for women their own age.The market has spoken.

Perseus,you need to "Porcshe the fuck up". Consider Drug Trafficing.

Mr E Discharge said...

And yes, I know I'm a bitter old cunt.

WitchOne said...

Patch, Mr E, you both forgot the good in bed requirement, ability to get by on little or no sleep for an extended period of time, sewing, cooking and other assorted home skills as well as the almost mythical ability to allow your beloved to appear to wear the pants, regardless of the reality of this situation.

Boogeyman said...

WitchOne - unfortunately, you don't find some of those things out until you already are in a relationship with that person. Not much good when trying to catch the eye of someone in the first place.

Mr E - you're totally right, if Pereus was only looking for vacuous young girls to shag. As a guy 'in a band' he does get a small but reliable stream of those.

Boogeyman said...

PS. Back on topic - PQ, Tamsyn really came through for you on the weekend, eh? L. A. S. T.

Perseus said...

You bitter old cunt, Mr. E. Though you're right. But so is Witchy and Boogey. The money/success thing attracts a certain type of 25 year old, and the wise/reliabe type attracts another sort of 25 year old, and being in a non-famous but somewhat respected genre band also helps at times (well, for one-nighters, on drugs).

It all depends on the chick. My crazy ex fiancee, Andromeda 3.0, was 7 years younger than me and came from a very, very wealthy family and liked me because I wasn't a millionaire. She wanted a normal middle-class boy who worked a normal job and came from a normal family that didn't sue each other.

Over the weekend, Artemis changed her plans on Saturday night and invited me out, but I couldn't go. Good on her for sticking in, though.

In other news, Usain Bolt's 100m was surely in the Top 10 greatest sporting moments of all time.

Perseus said...

Tamsyn came last in a semi final, yes. She's still the best 800m runner in Australia though. Which is my point.

Boogeyman said...

Over the weekend, Artemis changed her plans on Saturday night and invited me out, but I couldn't go.

PQ: "Sorry babe, can't come out tonight, I have a new bottle of Grecian Formula 16 to put through my hair."

Stubbadub said...

When the title ‘Lewis, Lewis…’ came up in the feed I know I was expecting too much hoping it was a post about F1 legend Lewis Hamilton.

I was so happy when Jana Whatever had to pull out recently, I thought it was a evidence that karma does exist.

And as of yesterday, I have watched 15 minutes of the Olympics. Can anyone beat that?

Perseus said...

What's a 'feed'?
Who is Lewis Hamilton?
Is 'F1 Legend' an oxymoron?

Stubbadub said...

Is 'F1 Legend' an oxymoron?

Perseus, I dare you to say that to the face of Sir Jackie Stewart, Nigel Mansell or Michael Schumacher.

Boogeyman said...

And don't forget F1's most illustrious patron, Stubb, Mr Max Mosley.

Perseus said...

Who?

Oh, 'car-racing'.

Baw-ring. It's a manufacturers game. It's Ferrari vs Mercedes vs Toyota etc. and I have as much interest in it as I would watching Commonwealth vs Westpac vs NAB.

The driver of the car is a grocery clerk.

shitbmxrider said...

perseus:


Your dead to me....DEAD, you hear!

Perseus said...

You know I'm right, Shitbmx.
Come back from the dark side of the force. Embrace sports that feature, you know, sportsmen and sportswomen.

Hurling has more cred than F1.

Here's a list of other sports that aren't sports.

Car Racing
Speedboat Racing
Golf

That is all.

Puss In Boots said...

And as of yesterday, I have watched 15 minutes of the Olympics. Can anyone beat that?

Yep. How about 0? I don't even watch the news, so I haven't even gotten any coverage through that.

I probably would have watched the gymnastics, but I don't think either 7 or SBS were showing it when I've flicked past.

Mr E Discharge said...

Tamsyn needs to black the fuck up.

I seems the days when you can be internationally competitive and white are well and truly behind us.

Thank heavens black people can't swim.

WitchOne said...

We've told the child the TV is broken so I can't watch the Olympics even if I want to! You guys are my only Olympics news. And this is all biased anyway I bet!

Don't worry Perseus, if I was 25 and single I'd go out with you. No French kissing though.

Go forth and have nightmares about that, now be grateful for your life as it is.

shitbmxrider said...

Motor Racing is a sport..


Oh hang on, I forgot you are dead to me...


....can anyone else hear a little whiny noise? Nup, didn't think so...

Stubbadub said...

By your definition Perseus, how do you consider athletics a sport?

There’s no skill involved, it’s just whoever runs the fastest in a straight line. Ergo, motor sport is more of a sport then athletics because not only do you drive in a straight line, but you also turn corners in the left and right orientation.

Perseus said...

Yes, but athletics features athletes.

Perseus said...

I concede that car-racing is: An event, a race, a competition... I just don't think it's a sport. Because there's no athletes, and because the manufacturers are the actual competitors.

I'd have more interest in it if they all had exactly the same car.

Boogeyman said...

If they can make speed walking an Olympic event, why not include speed skipping? And I'm not talking about the jump rope version either, but the one that kids do.

Afterwards they could have the 8-a-side pillow fight. Make the Olympics fun again.

Perseus said...

'Tug of War' was once an Olympic event, and its a shame it's not still. I'd prefer to watch that than the swimming - and I'm not being facetious either. The swimming bores the hell out of me. All you can see is coloured caps and some water splashing. Water polo is another dud spectator sport.

Stubbadub said...

http://www.formula1.com/news/features/2008/7/8158.html

(sorry, I still can't link in comments- you'll have to copy and paste the link.)

Perseus said...

It says the drivers go 'jogging and cycling'.

OMG! They're ubersportsmen!

patchouligirl said...

I was reading today about who the hottest olympians are http://au.todaytonight.yahoo.com/article/4932130/general/sexiest-olympians-beijing-beauties yeah sorry I cant link either. I looked at the contenders and I remembered that I always thought Michael Klim was pretty hot, certainly more so than the current lot. I dont know if he was popular or not, and I know zero about sport of any kind, but I was always happy when he graced my tv screen.

WitchOne said...

Can one of you who know these things hold a linking lesson please?? I don't know how to do it either and I don't like it.