Friday, August 1, 2008

Huzzah! Age publishes most pointless column EVAH!

Hats off to you, Mr Jaspan!

For some time now I've been watching the slow decline of the Melbourne Age as it lurches from beat-up ("OMG! Bay dredging will kill little fishies") to beat-up ("OMG!!! Aussie troops hurt in war zone!!!!!!!!!!!") and as a constant procession of brain dead dimwits (Tracee Hutchinson, The Two Sams, Clam) delighted us with their stream of psycho-babble postings.

But now, in today's op-ed page, their latest offering is the icing on the turd.

Shalom Auslander writes , at some length, that many people write nonsense on the Interwebs.


The really baffling thing is that Shalom Auslander isn't even a home-grown nuffie. The paper had to import this nonsense from the Guardian, itself home to the "OMG!! Clerico-fascists are killing us and we deserve it" style columnist.

I urge you to read Mr Auslander's piece. Everything else you read after will be Shakespearean in comparison.


Anonymous said...

Holy fuck, what a load of shite.

Hopefully if he ever looks up from his navel he might realise so as well.

Perseus said...

I read that piece earlier this morning and three words came to mind: Pot, kettle and black.


The Age has become The Sunday Age. The Sunday Age has become The Herald Sun. The Herald Sun has become Who Magazine. Who Magazine has become Woman's Day. Woman's Day has become The National Enquirer.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

An attractive young woman catches my eye and quickly looks away. "You're the type of sensitive man with whom I would like to have sex," she thinks.

That happened to me in a cafe just the other day.

Turns out she was looking for the dunny.

Leilani said...

Sure it's crap but not nearly as bad as the Barfly column which discusses finding the right genre for a venue.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Leilani, I originally set out to provide a weekly review of each "Barfly" column, for TSFKA but had to stop after the second week.

It hurt too much.

Louche said...

Wanker. More pressingly, has everyone seen the Greyhound bus story.

OMG. It's an urban legend come to life. I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight.

Anonymous said...

I wondered where Clambake had gone.

And the ICBS was looking promising, too.

Leilani said...

I see your point Ramon, although I find myself turning to it each Friday with anticipation. I like to find reasons to start my day in a bad mood.

Tiger in a Tube said...

I used to miss reading the guardian until i realised that most articles eventually show up in the age anyway

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Mr Auslander's piece is off the ICBS, Boogey.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

And Leilani, I start everyday in a foul mood.

If I had to read Clam's bullshit as well, there'd be more reports of stabbings on the Epping train line.

Leilani said...

I've noticed the Epping line has relaxed the no smoking rule that usually applies to public transport. I sat next to a lovely family the other day who shared a packet of Winnie Reds between them.

squib said...

I've never read a good opinion column

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Rule of thumb on the Epping line, Leilani.

Sit down.

Avoid eye contact.

Don't snigger, no matter what the provocation.

Perseus said...

I grew up on the Lilydale/Belgrave line and the rule there was to not fall asleep on the Alamein-change-at-Camberwell train, otherwise you wake up in Alamein, which is just east of The Twilight Zone and cannot be escaped easily.

The other rule was to hide your Doc Martens until after you had passed Burnley so the Nazi Skinheads didn't beat you up.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Red-hot tip.

Jaspan to go within a year.

Also, speaking of things meeja, did anybody notice our old friend Christian Kerr giving Crikey a tremendous spray this week?

Perseus said...

I just tried to find it at The OZ and couldn't... can you link to it?

If you type in 'Crikey' at The Oz's search engine you get a fair bit of info on another old friend of yours being at the centre of a 'a high five-digit figure payout' relating to unsubstantiated claims of a Liberal Party leak.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

From letters to the editor, Crikey Wednesday.

"Your editorial yesterday shows why Crikey is an irrelevance: "The Rudd Government has wound back the watermark Howard-era measure of mandatory detention." Really? Howard era? If you bothered to check, you'd have found that mandatory detention was introduced during the first Keating government, in 1992, under that toilers' friend from the Victorian Socialist Left Gerry Hand, last seen with the Suharto family working up the Christmas Island Casino. And the Starbucks stuff? Well, as Crikey reported back in the days when it was a larrikin little sh-t sheet that Natasha Stott-Despoja was launching the first Starbucks in Australia, no doubt with a frappacino in one hand and Naomi Klein in the other. That was different. Crikey nowadays just takes the Naomi Klein line and sees itself as part of that international brand No Logo. Staff who have been sacked or left gave you your reputation. What are we left with? Crikey 2008. Glib, biased, ignorant and wrong."


Anonymous said...

Poor Skel. First Crosby Textor and now Peter Beattie.

I got a little lost in that rant of Christian's, Ramon. What's that he says about Natasha Stott-Despoja with a frappacino and Naomi Klein? Sounds hawt.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I think the point CK was making was that when Starbucks first started out it was edgy and hip and now it's so passe Crikey can gloat at its demise.

Perseus said...

Ramon, you're a media person.

Let's say the payout was $80,000 because of what Bernard Keane wrote. I assume Crikey has to foot the bill. Bernard still has his job. Would they make Bernard pay them back? Is that how it works?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I've never been involved in a deffo action Perseus (thank God) but the larger media companies would have deffo payouts built into their insurance policy.

So Bernard wouldn't have to fork out from his own kick.

I can't imagine the Crikey ownership would be too pleased, though.

Anonymous said...

The payout could have been $800.00. That's also a 5-figure sum.

John said...

Re payouts,

The publisher is ultimately responsible for what goes out the door, not the journalist.

Usually that responsibility is delegated to the editor.

They should have structures in place to reduce their exposure to defo action.

So the bottom kicking would have been well spread around.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I'm not too sure Crikey has any structures in place to reduce their exposure to defo action, John.

Perseus said...

But wouldn't the publishers then seek retribution, like, "Pay us back in instalments or leave now and hand your swipe card to Penny at the front desk on your way out?"

Or is it just bottom kicking and that's it?

Most businesses would usually run on a 'get money back or roll heads' premise.

Anonymous said...

I don't think it works like that. An employer can sack a worker for gross negligence, but they can't just garnish their wages.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Psrseus, when I was at Aunty anything I wrote was checked by the sub and, if necessary, by the Chief of Staff to make sure it was kosher.

Really contentious pieces would also be checked by lawyers who were experts in deffo law.

So if something went out and we were done for deffo, that would be an institutional failure rather than the individual journo.

Crikey, on the other hand, just seems to be making shit up.

John said...

But it remains a failure of the whole publication, not just the journo who wrote the story.

Anyway if they DID say "leave or pay us back $80k" I'd be saying Sayonara and then they have to get a new journo (and there aren't too many Skel's out there) who hasn't had the valuable experience of getting a defo call wrong.

Anyway the fact they settled suggests they had insurance.

Fad MD said...

Does anyone else just shake their heads when reading the comments on Crikey?

Marilyn and that Papafilis bloke make my head hurt. (more than it already does from my late exit from the Martini Bar)

catlick said...

but they can't just garnish their wages.

Oh Boogey, so sorry, but I have promised myself I will correct this error every third time I spot it.

"garnishee" "garnishees" "garnisheed" "garnisheeing"

Perseus said...

I could write for Crikey.

All you do is cut out all the political articles from the morning's newspapers, put them in a big hat and pull one out at random.

Whichever politician it is about, claim he/she is inept.

Whichever policy / initiative /scheme the politician is spruiking, claim it is ineffectual.

Whichever opposing party figure challenges said policy / initiative / scheme, claim he/she is too late.

Defame someone once a year to keep Beecher on his toes.


(Disclaimer / back-pedal - I do like Skel's writing).

Anonymous said...

Catlick, perhaps Skel's employer would be both garnisher and garnishee, if they're the ones owed money.

Or perhaps they'd just add a sprig or parsley to his pay packet to teach him a lesson.

Kerces said...

gossip website

making sure your copy is all legally ok n stuff is what editors are FOR. otherwise, well who knows what journos might go and be stupid about?

you melbournians out there: has the herald sun run mega on spore this past week?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...


Go Tiges.

Loose Shunter said...

Oh how Crikey has fallen, especially when that journal of record The Daily Telegraph refers to it as a "gossip website".

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I mostly read Crikey for "First Dog on the Moon" these days.

And for the occasional piece by Skel.