Monday, August 11, 2008

Petty vindication is still vindication

Some weeks ago, I speculated where Jesus would bat if he played for the Australian test team.

Perseus pooh-poohed this idea and stated Jesus would be a stoner and wouldn’t even watch the match.

Well, I was right and Perseus was wrong, as Dr Abraham Terian points out in this article in the Age recently

Quoting from his Armenian source, Terian says the gospel relates how Jesus, at the age of nine, had been apprenticed to a master dyer named Israel in Tiberias, on the shores of the Sea of Galilee.

"Jesus is instructed to watch Israel's house and not leave the place while the master goes away on a tour to collect clothes to be dyed. But no sooner has Israel left the house, than Jesus runs out with the boys,'' Terian says.

"The most amazing part of the story of the nine-year-old Jesus playing a form of cricket with the boys at the sea shore, is that he would go on playing the game on water, over the sea waves.''

So, who’s the better theological scholar now then, eh?

Nyeerr, nyeerr.

25 comments:

Perseus said...

Of course when he was nine he'd play cricket, but by the time he turned 15 Joseph would be telling him to go to cricket training and Jesus would be all like, "You don't understand me!" and Mary would be all like, "What's happened to you?" and Joseph would be all like, "Do as you're told, son" and Jesus would be like, "Shutup, you're not my real father," and then he'd run out the backdoor to smoke bongs with other long-haired hippies and listen to JBT.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Further proof.

From the Book of Wisden 20, 11-14.

11. And Matthew spake, saying "Jesus, we're six wickets down and we're still 200 runs short of avoiding the follow-on. We need a miracle."

12. And Jesus said "leave it to me, chief."

13. And Jesus did smite the bowling and the Galilee First XI did pull off a surprise victory.

14. And there was much rejoicing at the club's pie-night.

Boogeyman said...

I think Jesus gave up the cricket in his teens when he discovered he could turn a mug of water into cheap goon.

He should have taken up golf rather than cricket, though...

"Water trap? Ha, what water trap?"

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

It's well known Moses was the keen golfer. Boogey.

The parting of the Red Sea was originally sparked by a lost golf ball.

Boogeyman said...

Hole 18 on the Exodus golf course was always a tricky one - tee off in Egypt, sink your ball in Canaan. Anyone scoring a Birdie gets a plaque proclaiming their prophethood and entry to the members lounge.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

And Perseus, why aren't you getting the sea-side cottage ready for Artemis' visit?

Perseus said...

Golf was a major problem in the Old Testamanent. Though Adam named the game 'golf', Cain killed Abel in an argument over whenether three shots under-par should be known as an 'Albatross' or a 'Domesticated Guineafowl'.

Perseus said...

She's not coming until the weekend of September 7. Though the gardeners have been booked.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

This visit is sounding more and more like a Go-Betweens song.

squib said...

He's flying over the sea to catch a ball? Sounds more like quidditch to me

Boogeyman said...

Who's flying, squib?

Moses parted the water trap on the 18th, and Jesus walked over his.

Fad MD said...

Though the gardeners have been booked.

How metrosexual of you to get the back, crack and sack done.

squib said...

Jesus was flying Boogey. Everyone knows this

Leilani said...

Forget the gardeners Perseus, why don't you get your chainsaw out and carve her an ice sculpture.

And quidditch is definitely more interesting than cricket.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I think you're confusing Jesus with Monkey, squib.

And quidditch is definitely more interesting than cricket.

Heretic.

Boogeyman said...

I note the article says Jesus was playing with a club and ball, which sounds more like baseball. I wonder if he ever got to third base.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I wonder if he ever got to third base.

Dan Brown certainly seems to think so.

wari lasi said...

And quidditch is definitely more interesting than cricket

Umm, Quidditch is imaginary.

But then again, so is Jesus.

Well his divinity anyway.

Perseus said...

with a club and ball, which sounds more like baseball

Good point. In fact, he may have been totally gay and been playing Rounders for all we know.

squib said...

Jesus and Monkey both have beards sure but I wasn't mixing them up Ramon

The only way he could walk on water is if he sort of hovered there. Think about it

Flying is simple compared to pulling loaves and fish out of thin air. Just ask Harry Potter

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Just ask Harry Potter

Wasn't he that cunt with the owls?

squib said...

The very same

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I'll have no truck with filthy owlists, thank you very much.

Boogeyman said...

The only way he could walk on water is if he sort of hovered there. Think about it

Nah, he just changed the molecular nature of the water to make it support the weight of a half-human/half-divine entity.


Flying is simple compared to pulling loaves and fish out of thin air. Just ask Harry Potter

Harry Potter couldn't fly, he could only ride a flying broomstick. Body flying was actually quite difficult.

squib said...

I didn't say Jesus didn't have a broomstick