Wednesday, August 13, 2008

This delta is full of silt

Delta Goodrem in full voice

Delta Goodrem is gracing our shores with her Believe Again tour.

The original title of Please, please, oh God I’m so desperate. I tanked in the US and my career is in free-fall was rejected by the record company execs as “not snappy enough”.

Correction.

The above picture is of the Nile Delta toad and not the popular musician Delta Goodrem.

The error occurred because the sub is a slack cunt.

We apologise to the toad and her family.

44 comments:

Boogeyman said...

Yeah, but has the toad had toad-leukemia? It'll never make it in this industry without a feel-good gimmick like that.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

The Nile Delta toad is endangered.

Is that good enough, Boogey?

Boogeyman said...

Shhh, Ramon. If Ms Delta Goodrem overhears we'll see a national "Save the endangered Delta toad" tour.

Who knows where the money would end up?

Cranky Frank said...

Delta Goodrem is an inspiration. Leave her alone.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

No.

Won't.

Delta Goodrem is a middle-of-the-road schnoodler

Cranky Frank said...

She had lymphoma and survived.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

The toad had lymphoma?

I'm glad it's doing so well.

Cranky Frank said...

Mmmm. Droll.

Boogeyman said...

Delta must have been mighty pissed at Kylie for stealing her thunder with that breast cancer biz'ness.

And don't even get her started on that Belinda Emmett bint.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Delta must have been mighty pissed at Kylie for stealing her thunder with that breast cancer biz'ness.

I know Boogey.

Breast cancer definitely trumps lymphoma.

wari lasi said...

Go boogey. Take no fucking prisoners. The ghost of Caz and The Hack must be proud. Cranky Frank might metamorphosise (spelling?) into Apoplectic Al.

And just quietly Ramon, I reckon The Hack would have loved that headline.

It's a gem.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Thanks wari.

wari lasi said...

Now, enough pocket pissing. Mr Roast Chicken, I've just purchased a lovely 3 kilo coral trout at the market and am wondering what to do with it. If I don't come up with a decent recipe plan soon I'm taking it to my favourite chinese restaurant to cook it for me.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I'd wrap it in aluminium foil with some salt, pepper, squeeze of lemon, some butter and some herbs (thyme and bay leaves are nice) and bake it in a moderate oven for an hour or so.

Next question?

catlick said...

Just as long as you do cook it. The parasites in those fish can be nasty.

shitbmxrider said...

As soon as I heard she was doing another tour, my thoughts immediatly went along the lines of "relapse in T-minus 3 Months"

wari lasi said...

Add garlic, ginger and a splash of white vino, and that's what's happening.

Small person doesn't want to go out. "I really hate going to restaurants Daddy, it's soooo boring. Can you make some mashed potato too?"

A bit of baby pak choi on the side and the Lasis eat well tonight.

And catlick, don't panic. It needs to be much larger than 3 kilos for siguatera to be an issue, and we don't get it here. It's more prevalent on the great barrier reef. Coral trout are a big risk for it though.

Boogeyman said...

She might be planning a relapse.

Although this discovery by Australian scientists might steal her publicity thunder.

Wari, sashimi it. Give the rest to the cat. Happy family, happy cat.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

My cat has taken to leaping out of dark spaces and savaging my ankles.

I'm thinking of locking her in her cat box and sending her to the Nile Delta concern.

"Nooo, mercy. I'll be a good cat".

Boogeyman said...

The answer to your problem is simple, Ramon.

Thigh-high ugg boots with tight pile carpet squares stapled to the outside.

Protects against marauding felines, and works a treat with the laydeez too.

catlick said...

The best coral trout I ever had was on Lizard Island. We shaved fresh coconut (mechanical lathe with gynaecological attachment) and made a curry. Moist.

patchouligirl said...

Just got back from lunch at the Bay hotel, Bonnells Bay. I had a thai beef salad. I wondered what was wrong with the taste and then identified the problem - it contained parmesan cheese. I then had an argument with the counter chick who maintained that 'chef puts parmesan in all our salads and no one else has ever complained'. I replied that I was happy to be the first and that Thai cuisine has no cheese, parmesan or otherwise. She said I should ask for no cheese when ordering (as if you'ld expect cheese in a thai beef salad). Eating out in Newcastle is like entering some kind of alternate universe where they murder food.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

'chef puts parmesan in all our salads and no one else has ever complained'

This disturbs me, on a great many levels.

patchouligirl said...

I've emailed them a link to a thai beef salad recipe. I suggested 'chef' might be interested to know how to make one.

Tom Gaylord said...

I have an admission..... I couldn't bear her at all..... but then the new album........ I loved a couple of songs........ Am I a heathen?

shitbmxrider said...

Tom:


Yes, but we already knew that

Mahalia Jackson said...

Wari said those names, so let's ask it. When are Caz and the Hack coming back? We love them. The Lulz Starts Here must be almost as unread as Crikey. That's really saying something. Caz. Hacky. Please.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

As least Crikey has First Dog on the Moon

WitchOne said...

Wari take me to a restaurant, I can behave like a small child, promise!!

wari lasi said...

Will I have to keep reminding you to chew with your mouth closed? Will you want to keep drinking coke and not eating your dinner? Will you get bored 5 minutes after finishing your meal and want to go home?

If you say yes to all of the above then it would indeed be just like dining with my 7 year old. You couldn't possibly be as beautiful as her though.

WitchOne said...

I promise to do all that with the added bonus of big cheesy grins with food in my teeth and an I love you here and there just to make sure I get dessert.

As far as being as beautiful as your 7 year old, no adult woman is as gorgeous as a little girl out with her Daddy. There's just no comparison to be made there at all!

Now, can I go out to dinner please?? :-)

wari lasi said...

You're on Witchie! It was the smile that did it. Now, a few pesky details, like who's going to mind your new bub? And is Port Moresby a bit of a drive for you?

Kerces said...

re Delta's health, this was hidden in a story on Sydney Confidential today;

Host of the night Brian McFadden flew the teen scene event solo, brushing off speculation surrounding fiancee Delta Goodrem's health.

It begins...

Kerces said...

(sorry, the story is here for anyone who cares)

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Thanks Kerces.

When "Sydney Confidential" bumps you down to the bottom of their gossip pages, you know you're washed-up

WitchOne said...

Don't worry Wari, your, or my, other half can do the kid thing, my two along with your one, they can go somewhere we aren't.

Can we drink? I mean, shhhh, alcohol...

wari lasi said...

This is all sounding rather devious. I've got a babysitter, and a housekeeper. They can mind your child (children?) and hubby, while we go and drink.

We've got good Italian and Japanese restaurants here, not to mention about 20 chinese ones, or we can go and "be seen" at the yacht club.

Isn't fantasy so much more fun than real life?

patchouligirl said...

Hey Ramon - they replied to my email:

Thank you for your time to email us in regard to the Thai Beef Salad. As with many recipes there are different twists and versions. The current recipe we are using has been very popular with many of our Patrons. If you were to order the current dish again, just ask for no parmesan, that won't be a problem. (Our team was interested in in the recipe you sent through).

Thank you again for your time.

Peter Cullen
Licensee - Bay Hotel Motel / Boatshed Restaurant

There you are. Parmesan cheese in a Thai salad is a 'twist' up here in Newcastle. I can't believe they are still defending it - thats what really messes with my head.

catlick said...

Patchouligirl they need Gordon Ramsay to go through there. This puts me in mind of the Great Caesar Salad Con. There's a recipe, there's some wriggle room, but for a dish labelled "Caeser Salad" to arrive without Cos, without parmesan, no croutons, with an alien dressing...it's not that salad any more. Call it a chef's salad if you like, but don't waste my time.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

"I'm sorry. We're fresh out of Waldorfs."

WitchOne said...

Patch, maybe they have an Italian Chef doing the Thai Salads? Was it a good parmesan at least?

Wari, you just ruined it for me!! As soon as you said "fantasy", maybe it was also the fact that you have a babysitter and housekeeper, either way, I thought it would be great for beloved to come too.

Pathetic, I can't even conduct an imaginary affair as far as the first date! No wonder he is so damn secure.

patchouligirl said...

The really disturbing part is that no one else has complained. They also have a satay crepe on the menu of all things. I emailed back saying "if (chef) wants to continue on this trajectory, maybe he could throw together some other cross cuisine combinations, just to see how much the punters down there will put up with, say sashimi mixed grill, sweet and sour corned beef or maybe t-bone with lemon sauce because, frankly, if they can't taste how bloody awful parmesan cheese is in a thai beef salad, you could probably just serve them up pal on toast and they'd recommend you to their friends."

Perseus said...

Wari - Ryan Pini just made the final of the 100m Butterfuly. Surely that is VERY big news over there.

wari lasi said...

It's huge Perseus. I was watching. Even if he's a white guy. His parents have a big stationery business here in Pom. He'd be pretty blown away to be swimming with Phelps.