Hi all. I went to see a movie the other day. I didn't like it. It was dark and scary, whereas I like bright and happy kids' movies. Some parents who subjected their underage brats to it agreed. The end.
Don't like my movie reviews? Well feck you all, because it seems this standard is sufficient to get a gig writing for news.com, if Alison Stephenson's movie reviews are any indication.
Paid by her employer to attend the first Australian viewing of The Dark Knight, Alison gives us her imaginatively titled The day I endured the Dark Knight. Forboding an execrable, overhyped yawn-fest of a film, Alison instead spends most of the review telling us how much she dislikes scary movies, clowns, blood tests, superhero movies, dark themes, and sleeps with a night light after watching disturbing thrillers like Play School.
She doesn't fill us in on things like plot, character portrayal, subtext or potential for enjoyment by its intended audience, but apparently all those things are by-the-by for a movie review. First person impressions and subjective opinions are all that count.
She then caps it off with a quote from Sydney mother Laurina who took her 8 year old along to see it, was 'highly disturbed by the violent scenes' and spent much of the time covering her son's eyes, as an example of audience reaction. Why any parent would take such a young child along to an M-rated film described in most media reports as dark themed and psychologically disturbing is beyond me, but apparently such twits somehow represent TDK's intended audience.
I'd like to see The Dark Knight in the cinemas, but probably will never get the chance, since I really can't justify $60 in child-minding fees just to see a film, now matter how many good reviews it gets. And unlike Laurina, I understand what 'M' in the OFLC ratings system means, so won't be dragging my 8 year olds along to it. So suck it up Alison Stephenson. You got to see it on work time, paid for by your employer. Next time palm the assignment off to an appreciative colleague with above primary school level communication skills, and reserve the next Care Bears review assignment for yourself, you talentless git.
I give Alison Stephenson's effort a 7 on the International Clem Bastow Scale* for lazy, uninformative, self-absorbed reviewing.
* Abbreviated to ICBS - note that it ends with BS, which is kind of appropriate, when you think about it.