Oh. My. God. This is huge. The Age reports today that the Victorian Labour Party accepts political donations from companies that compete for government contracts.
This HAS SURELY NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE IN THE WHOLE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!
I am so shocked. I can't believe this is happening. I won't sleep for weeks.
Someone bring in the Feds, ASIO, ACCC, FBI, CIA, UN, Nato, NASA, UNESCO, Jimmy Carter, Jerry Springer, Judge Judy, priests and soothsayers, Andrew Demetriou, Big Brother, Bono, Sir Bob Geldof and Arthur the barber from Gertrude Street to come in and clear this mess up. Heads will roll. Brumby will do time, surely.
Fuck it, the Queen of England, our royal majestyness, needs to step in here and have the entire Victorian ALP sent to Port Arthur and install Mr. Bailleii, umm, Ballieiue, umm, Bauliieu, umm, Ted, as Premier immediately.
In other shocking news today, a scientist has proposed that the Earth is round and not flat.