Friday, July 11, 2008

Homework

(I'm only putting these stupid posts up until Ramon perks up and Boogey actually bothers to post again).

If I was an L-Z list celebrity and was forced to appear in Brand Power or Zoot advertisements, I like to think I wouldn’t sell-out totally. I like to think that I would only advertise shit that I admire and personally use and therefore I'd only appear in advertisements for products that have never failed me. There’s one for me that’s a stand out… Exit Mould.

“Hi, I’m Perseus Q here to tell you about Exit Mould. I don’t know what’s in it... I don’t even want to know what’s in it ‘cos I’m sure it’s stacked with toxic carcinogens that muddy your brains, poison your house and pollute the galaxy. But, sure as Hell is hot, you spray this shit on your gunky tiles in the bathroom, go have a cigarette and a double-shot long macchiato at that cafĂ© where the waitresses all have great boobs, come back, and fuck me, your bathroom looks like it’s from Vogue Fucking Living. Fairdinkum, I nearly jizz my pants every time. Choose Exit Mould, cunts”

If you could be bothered, please write your own spiel for your favourite product.

22 comments:

Puss In Boots said...

Well, you have me convinced! I am totally buying Exit Mould to clean my bathroom.

I'm not sure I have any products I would sell out for. I'm mentally going through the cupboards in my house to see if I have anything I love, and I can't think of anything. Not supermarket products anyway. KitchenAid appliances, Scanpan cookware, Wusthoff knives - I would totally sell out for those.

Perseus said...

What about your $1200 handbag? Justify THAT!

I'm looking forward to Ramon's Coopers copy.

homesick said...

Oh Perseus you are the voice of housewives everywhere.

Exit Mould and that sillicone rubber bakeware.

Great stuff.

homesick said...

My brother's mate made me a motorbike out of Coopers ringpulls.

How is Ramon? Quite ill I hear.

Puss In Boots said...

It's an investment piece that will last decades. I have a vintage piece of my grandmother's from the 40s that I still use, and it is still in perfect condition.

Lesser quality handbags might last 1-2 years max (with high usage). Therefore, people who have never bought a higher quality item don't understand that spending so much on one item is actually worth it. They look at it as lasting the same amount of time as their current purchases - and why should they spend 10 times the amount for the same amount of wear? In reality, the higher quality items last for decades (which is why you can still buy "vintage" pieces from the 20s and 30s and even before that), so are worth the price.

I'd rather spend $1200 on a handbag I used every day for 10 years than buy 10 $200 handbags over the same amount of time.

But despite all that, I buy them because I like them. I also have $100 handbags that I like just as much. It's just that they don't last as long because they are poorly constructed using lesser quality products.

So there! :p

Perseus said...

Puss, all I can say is, if anything is ever going to bring The Hack back, it's that.

I bought an authentic high quality vintage suit once, but no matter what I did I couldn't get rid of its vintage odour. I think someone died in it or something.

catlick said...

Lesser quality handbags might last 1-2 years max (with high usage).

I suspect that with an appropriate study, one could prove the obvious, (which, btw is the role of higher education) that there is some correlation between the price of an object, and the way one treats it. If the bag represents 2 weeks income, you bloody well look after it. If it represents a couple of hours income...meh!

In reality, the higher quality items last for decades (which is why you can still buy "vintage" pieces from the 20s and 30s and even before that), so are worth the price.

These dead women's handbags were hardly ever used, (hence their condition) and were stored in cloth bags in the bottom drawer of the bedroom dresser. Unselfconscious young women who have youth and beauty on their side, combined with a bower-bird sense of style can carry off a 70 year old gloss reptilian snap lock handbag. Its stench of death and stale rouge is slightly offset by their casual indifference to mortality.

Puss In Boots said...

Oh gross, Perseus!

Catlick, I'm not so sure about that. I tend to treat all my bags the same regardless of cost.

Anyway, I didn't mean to hijack the thread - it's all Perseus' fault!

Back to the Exit Mould - does it seriously do what it says on the bottle? I've never trusted the ads for it.

Perseus said...

"Back to the Exit Mould - does it seriously do what it says on the bottle? "

Sure does. Nothing more and nothing less. Follow the directions. You spray it, walk away, go back in half an hour and voila. Check pants for jizz.

catlick said...

Perseus, on a smelly note, it is hard to remove the smell from dead peoples clothes. One has to replace the smell with a series of more acceptable smells. So, one stores the suit in a wardrobe bag with boxes of Nag Champa (Agarbatti) incense. At least 3 boxes. Months later a series of short airings (inside out) on a windy sunny day will help. It might then be suitable for you to be buried in it.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

How is Ramon? Quite ill I hear.

I am indeed at death's door, homesick.

Any suggestion this is the result of a very enjoyable long lunch in the company of good friends and a great many frosty, delicious Cooper's Ales is a foul lie and not to be believed.

patchouligirl said...

My dad always said, "real estate, araldite and a swiss army knife will never let you down". So far I haven't proven him wrong. He also suggested getting the swiss army knife with the corkscrew as it is amazing how often people forget to bring one and you can score lots of free gratitude glasses of wine. Of course screw caps have taken their toll on such booty. Still the toothpick, tweezers, scissors and phillips head come in very handy. A week rarely goes by when I dont use it. Last week we used the poker thing to clean out screw holes in a horse shoe so we could put studs in it. Dont leave home without it.

thefartcart said...

Meh, I see your Exit Mould and raise you a homemade mix of cloudy ammonia, white vinegar and some lavender MYO disinfectant (just for smell purposes really, eucalyptus oil works just as well).

Wipe over bathroom with rag soaked in diluted solution, throw buckets contents into shower or toilet, rinse.

Puss, I have 10 year old $30 handbags that look perfect. I Will never use the same handbag daily and buy good quality, handmade leather products from farms etc. They are cheap, I'm going past anyway, I love them, they last forever and look amazing. Just missing the brand name.

WitchOne said...

Oh fuck, what happened to my bloody name??

WitchOne said...

Huh, it's back.

Mr E Discharge said...

Perseus,
You can pick up an Ozone Generator on Ebay for $100 or so. It can get rid of the foulest odours in under an hour. Kills all bacteria, fungai and virii, breaks them and their waste products down into CO2 and water.

Works every time, clothes, shoes, hippies, gets that dead body smell out of the boot.






















p

Perseus said...

"a homemade mix of cloudy ammonia, white vinegar and some lavender MYO disinfectant (just for smell purposes really, eucalyptus oil works just as well). Wipe over bathroom with rag soaked in diluted solution, throw buckets contents into shower or toilet, rinse."

Dude, it's not even a comparison. Exit Mould is already made for you, it's $4.95, you spray it, then do NOTHING AT ALL and magically the bathroom is free of mould. No mixing, wiping, throwing or rinsing.

Your system sucks.

Desci said...

Perseus, I'm going to need the name of that cafe.

patchouligirl said...

Most bathroom cleaners are predominantly bleach, Exit Mould is probably no different. I bet if you tested it against straight bleach you'ld get the same results for a fraction of the price.

Perseus said...

Patchouli: I just checked. Exit Mould is 80% bleach, 10% some other stuff with long words and 10% magic.

Desci: It's like Tin Pot but with better boobs and 150 kms away.

squib said...

That is so weird because when you posted something about Jif the other day I was gonna say that all you need in life is Jif and Exit Mould

patchouligirl said...

I had a brief career selling chemicals so I learnt a few things. Commercial bleach is also stronger, but really bleach is primarily for mould and whitening - thats it. What really turns me on in the chemical world is a good water based, non caustic alkali detergent degreaser. Now THAT will clean anything. It'll get oil stains out of your driveway, clean anything greasy in the kitchen or your BBQ, can be used in bathrooms, is brilliant on tiled floors (it will just rip the dirt off), diluted for windows AND will get stains such as beetroot, ink etc out of kitchen benches, clothes etc that nothing else would move. Again, commercial versions are much better and you obviously need a non coloured one if you are going to use it on clothes. I'm happy to pass on the brand I use to anyone who emails me, or check out a commercial cleaners warehouse, its one of those things, once you've used it you'll never go back.