Thursday, July 10, 2008

Questions that keep me awake at night

1. I have an electric heater that uses 'energy' and a wood fire that uses 'trees'. Which is the better 'green' option?

2. How do I do roast pork so that the crackling is marvellously crackly but the meat is soft and juicy?

3. Why aren't we all driving solar cars yet?

4. Do you all have friends that claimed to hate Howard but you suspect they secretly voted for him time and time again (except the last time)?

5. Why would anyone pay $500 to see Meatloaf perform at Melbourne Park?

6. What's wrong with rubber-necking at a crash site? I figure if it's held me up in traffic for so long, I deserve at least a gawk at what happened. Why does Jon Faine get so angry about it?

7. Why is Wendy Harmer doing the morning show?

8. Where's Stubbadub? He's doing an Atari. Opens a site then pisses off to god knows where.

9. I know IKEA is disgusting, so why do I keep going back?

10. Who actually goes to modern dance performances?


Please answer at least one.
Thank you.


John said...

I can at least help you with the crackling.

Boogeyman said...

1. Gas. Wood fires suck.

2. Cut the fat off the pig meat, throw the meat away. Char pig fat with butane torch. Smother with butter, sit on couch and eat with beer.

3. I think this was answered in Marge vs. the Monorail - "Solar power. When will people learn?"

4. No. Why would they lie?

5. He retired! He lied to us! Grrr, he's dead meat(loaf).

6. Because chances are one of those rubber-neckers will rear-end someone else while distracted.

7. Because she's at that age when she gets up at 4am anyway, so she can't do drive time.

8. Indeed, where's both of them? When they get back they're so going to the principal's office.

9. Never been there, not hip enough for try-hard urban-sophisticate furniture.

10. I rather like Zen Zen Zo, does that count?

Tom Gaylord said...

I don't so much go to modern dance performances as much as I perform them..... I'm particularly strong with Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' dance sequence and I used to do Irish dancing as a child. Modern dance has NOTHING on me..... so come see me instead?!

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

No 9.

You can get cheap meatballs and wine.

Or at least, you can at the Richmond store.

homesick said...

No. 3

In Melbourne Perseus.. you wouldn't get very far.

It wouldn't be the accidents in No. 6 that would hold you up in traffic.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Rubbish, homesick.

We're currently having our glorious 15 minutes of sunshine right now.

Perseus said...

I printed that recipe thanks John. Tom, I'd love to see you Moon Walk but the 'modern dance' to which I refer is that stuff with orchestras comprised of cellos and chainsaws and the dancers are all funded by the Australia Council. And they keep saying the word 'movement'.
Boogey, there's no gas in my small town. Homesick, alright then, water cars. Why are we still using petrol? Petrol is to cars what the telegram is to communications.

homesick said...

Oh I'm sorry Perseus. This is a serious thread and far be it for me to mock you.

I wholeheartedly agree that petrol is obsolete and we should have established an effective substitute by now.

Does it help that I once dated a guy who was convinced he had perfected a prototype car that ran on H2O? He may have been delusional or simply a dreamer but god damm he was a great....ummm

Cease to be friends with anyone that would fork out $500 to see a man who is best on a remastered CD version of "Bat out of Hell" NOT overweight & old on the stage.

Boogeyman said...

Perseus, I knew you lived in a small southern settlement called 'Melbourne', but no gas?

Fuck non-petrol cars, where're the flying cars we were promised by futurists in the 60s?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Futurists are cunts.

Boogeyman said...

And speaking of electric cars, I tried to google 'Tesla car' and found someone doing this to a car (more here).

Those crazy uzzies and their high voltage experiments.

Perseus said...

Boogey, though Melbourne born and bred, I now live in a little town 150km from the modern world. I'm like Diver Dan but without the stubble and the smugness.

Ramon, you only hate futurists because you're an historian.

Boogeyman said...

You mean, like this Diver Dan?

Did you ever get it on with Minerva the Mermaid?

billyjoe noodle-bob said...

1. Depends how your electricity is generated.

2. On a spit or rotissierie

3. Panel technology's not good enough yet, the efficiency is too low.

4. No, i trust my friends.

5. Because we, as a nation, voted for John Howard several times. There's no accounting for poor taste.

6. This is what's wrong with rubbernecking.

"A 11-car pile-up on the Eastern Freeway that brought traffic to a standstill this morning was caused by "rubberneckers'' slowing to get an eye-full of an earlier crash, police say."

7. Sorry, I don't know

8. Don't know that either

9. Because it seems to be the only place on earth to get decent, reasonably priced furniture. Also the meatballs.

10. See 5.

Mr E Discharge said...

orchestras comprised of cellos and chainsaws and the dancers are all funded by the Australia Council. And they keep saying the word 'movement'.

My former business partner and his wife owned a dance company. The one performance I attended involved a bunch of people running around the Melbourne Town Hall, dragging large purple and yellow wind socks behind them, accompanied by a recording of a grand final footy crowd. Ground Breaking Stuff.

For sheer specticle, drama, colour and movement, My personal favourite was the rehearsal where the female dancers were told that for the upcoming London performances, they would be required to shave their armpits. A riot ensued, much shouting, cars set alight.

In the end, democracy won out, the company threatened to walk, so the tour went ahead unshaven and without further incident. Although a couple of the principals were briefly detained at Heathrow, suspected of trying to smuggle Fox Terriers into England.

Another triumph for taxpayer funded Arts.

Perseus said...

Boogey - Yes, exactly lke that Diver Dan, except Minerva was an alcoholic.

Mr. E - Yes, they're the ones. Do you think there's anyone in the audience who isn't related to one of the performers?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Ramon, you only hate futurists because you're an historian.


And your point being?

Puss In Boots said...

1. Your energy has a chance of having been 'created' (even though energy can't actually be created) via wind, solar, etc options (even 1 or 2%), so I'd go with that over burning trees.

2. No idea. I don't eat pigs.

3. Because the petrol companies haven't worked out a way to charge for the sun. There's a prototype for a compressed air engine somewhere. As soon as the petrol companies work out how to charge for air, I'm sure they will be in production too.

4. Not that I know of. If they did, they were very sneaky about it.

5. Why would anyone pay even $1 to see Meatloaf perform?

6. It's the rubber-necking that holds people up. I hate those bastards. And because it's morbid. Why do people want to see a crash scene? Gross.

7. I don't listen to whatever station she is on, so I couldn't care less.

8. I know he moved, but it shouldn't take this long to get the internet connected!

9. Because you secretly like being herded like a cow? I hate IKEA.

10. Other modern dance performers. And their family, who are obligated to go if they can't think of a particularly good excuse.

catlick said...

9. Because you secretly like being herded like a cow? I hate IKEA.

OMG I now get the Temple Grandin/autism/cow/shute design thing. I am, when disorientated in IKEA, experiencing a bovine panic attack.

wari lasi said...

Everybody knows the secret to good crackling is:

a) cut big grooves in the thing first

b) rub salt and oil all over it

c) cook it for the first half hour as hot as you can get your oven, then turn it down to 150 for the rest of the time, about half an hour for each kilo.

Perfecto pig every time.

And Puss, pigs are great, they win the prize for yummiest animal.