I think the only sensible reaction to this story from New Zealand is to say "oh, for fuck's sake".
Aunty reports
A New Zealand judge has ordered that the parents of an eight-year-old girl change her name, saying it is highly embarrassing and makes the child a target for ridicule.
The girl, who lives in New Plymouth on the west coast of the north island, is named "Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii".
The Family court was told that the child is so mortified she has not told any of her friends her real name.
"Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii"?. And I thought Kate Langebroke was a stupid bint* for calling her son "Lewis" when his surname was Lewis.
The report continues
Judge Murfitt says he is appalled by the judgement of some parents.
He says in New Zealand there are children called Midnight Chardonnay, Number 16 Bus Shelter and Violence.
I'm just so glad I gave The Boy the plain, simple name of "Everybody who votes Liberal or Green is a moron who deserves to be killed".
We call him "Killer" for short.
* Now I just think she's a stupid bint.
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48 comments:
He says in New Zealand there are children called Midnight Chardonnay, Number 16 Bus Shelter and Violence.
Each presumably something to do with the acts of conception.
{Re-cloaks}
In that case Tone, I think the parents of little Violence really, really need counselling.
Sadly, yes.
Lewis Lewis presumably inspired by other great masters of the double name, such as Gary Gary Beers?
If you must name your child a message, at least make it something that can be acronymised.
I recall a performer called Garry U.S. Bonds from some years ago, Boogey.
I suspect it may not have been his birth name.
You're right, with the exception of Moon Unit Zappa, which is fantastic.
Am I right about "Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii" or am I right about "Everybody who votes Liberal or Green is a moron who deserves to be killed", Perseus?
Me thinketh the Kiwis are trying to one-up my country in the Stupid Names Department. Well, I tell you, they have a fuck of a long way to go.
It was a nice try, though.
they have a fuck of a long way to go
Really Lithi?
You have stupider names than "Number 16 Bus Shelter"?
Blimey!
Was it a Brasilian? Or some South American dude who named his kid after an entire soccer team? Every player, the kid had twenty plus names.
And I reckon Number 16 Bus Shelter is quite romantic. I might re-name my lovely daughter Room 914 at The Crowne Plaza
You old fashioned romantic, Wari.
Each presumably something to do with the acts of conception I should have called mine "are you awake?" in that case.
Really Lithi?
You have stupider names than "Number 16 Bus Shelter"?
One woman has a kid named Asshole, or was it Ashole. Apparently it was supposed to be pronounced "Ash-oh-lee". And I can not get over the infamous ESPN, pronounced "Es-pen".
I'll have to do some digging, but we have some fucking doozies.
LOL! Too funny
Patchouli, In that case I think half the kids in the world would wind up with that name.
Ramon. Incurable I am. I could potentially name her after the software project I was working on at the time. But it was cheekily given the acronym TINEA while we were developing it. And the poor little dear would hate being named after a fungal disease.
I'd just like to say kudos to whoever put the comments thingo over on the left up again.
"Havered"
*snort*.
Ta Ramon.
I don't mind haverin to the wee bairns now and then.
'Everybody who votes... Green is a moron...'
I resemble that remark
She could have just called herself Talula and just refused to tell people her middle names. I think getting a judge involved is a bit OTT
Squib, I think her first name was Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. Therefore, if requested to write her name on an official document or something, she'd have to write that. Talula would just be a nickname in the same way Fred is for Frederick.
And yay for "opined"! I recall in an early Spanish class, the teacher was telling us the verb "opinar". The rest of the class were telling her we didn't have an equivalent in English, and that we just had "to have an opinion." When I told them the English was "to opine" they all thought I was joking.
I don't see how a first name can be six names long. There should be hyphens or something?
This all goes back to ancient cultures, when it suddenly became cool and trendy to give children names with meanings, like 'Rebecca' (Hebrew for tie me up, tie me down) or 'Bronwyn' (Celtic for white breasts).
Prior to that kids were given meaningless gutteral phrases like 'Hrothgar' or 'Caerdwyyn', the naming of which clearly gave their parents a larf, seeing no one would be able to pronounce them properly without coughing up a lung.
You really think someone who names their child Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii is down with the rules of hyphen use?
Puss, a Departmental paper I read recently referred to "mentors" and "mentees".
My scream of outrage echoed around the Factory O' Spin.
Mentees?! Argh!
Mentees certainly is a double-plus-good word, comrade.
I have to turn their gibberish back into English.
It's no wonder I have a drinking problem.
Oh wait. I had a drinking problem before I started here.
You get my point, anyway.
Just the other day I got on the outskirts of a Dep't of Education conference thingo (Gillard = NO SHOW AGAIN!), and the one I kept hearing was 'change-agent'. Everyone was urged to be a change agent, though changing from what into what was unclear.
This sort of ridiculousness just makes it more important that those of us who spawn are careful in how we assign names to our heirs.
That's why I named my son after a historical figure of great importance to Australia, and more particularly to Melbourne.
Now three years old, he's doing very well at kindergarten, and is particularly popular at the moment, although I don't know exactly why. I asked his teacher, and all she could say was that the other kids seemed excited about playing with Batman every day.
/here all week
//try the veal
Puss I repeat you cannot have six first names. Talula is clearly her first name and the other five names are her middle names, possibly Hawaii is even her surname
Perseus, you still haven't met the delightful Ms G?
Bummer.
No I haven't Ramon, and if she stands me up in the real world a third time I'm going to have to seriously reconsider the imaginary relationship I'm having with her.
This imaginary relationship you've having with Julia.
Does it involve a bass guitar, a whisk and a tub of chocolate ice-cream?
Because most of mine do.
Bass guitar? Oh, you perverted creep Ramon.
She much prefers the bassoon.
This imaginary relationship you've having with Julia.
She doesn't respond to my emails.*
Careful lads. Perseus I shall indeed be jealous if you get to meet her, in the flesh as it were. My only chance of meeting her is if she comes up here. And given that Kruddy was up fairly recently I don't like my chances.
* Like sure. Wari the cyber stalker.
How do you know, Squib? Have you seen her birth certificate?
I hope Puss vs Squib somehow ends in a bikini mud-wrestle.
**
Wari, you are my competition for Julia's love. If I ever meet her, I'm going to sully your name. I play dirty.
Jelly, Perseus, you uncultured swine.
Mmm, jelly. Can I request raspberry? Or anything really, as long as it's not lime.
No Puss but I'm thinking of ordering Miss Hawaii's birth extract just to prove my point
All's fair in love and war Perseus.
And Puss, just stop it. The imagery is terrible, and besides, you'll get horrible sticky jelly all over your 1200 dollar handbag.
Here in London on holiday visiting the spouse's family and with the US peso at 2 for 1, I found myself in a British red Cross charity store in Wimbledon buying a handbag for £9.99.
I thought of you Puss..
Go ahead, Squib! I'm only saying that was her first name because why would she refer to herself as K otherwise? If Talula was her first name and the rest her middle names, she would have just told her friends her name was Talula. But she didn't. She is referred to as K at school.
Wari, I'm sure it could be cleaned. I wonder if anyone has ever thrown jelly at a cow before to see what damage it does to their hide...
Aww, thanks Homesick! I think...
Oh, it's fraught! Pet names are easier. Think of one, go to the corner and yell it out. If your embarrassment gland doesn't squirt you've done well.
As for Talula etc etc etc etc
"Man the fuck up"*
*copyright Perseus
Talula has made the international media.
What a proud moment for the region and its people.
Strange naming conventions are extremely prevalent here, and in my work I see some crackers.
Nothing quite like the ones in the story, but in the last fortnight I have seen:
*Supersonic
*PinkFloyd (a personal favourite); and
*a family where every son was named Elmer (there were 6 of them).
a family where every son was named Elmer (there were 6 of them).
Doctor: What are your sons' names?
Mother: Elmer
Doctor: All of them? What do you do when you want to call them for dinner?
Mother: Oh, I just use their last names.
Two more good ones this morning - a brother and sister combo:
Princess Tinkerbell & Ghengis Khan
I think Supersonic is very cool, and it goes with any surname. And cheers for you r work on the comments thing Boogeyman, at least someone here has some IT talent.
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