Friday, October 31, 2008

First Hangover in November

(Just quickly, first, in tomorrow's Derby, the horse called Whobegotyou could run backwards around the track with the rotting corpse of Kerry Packer on his back and still win. Put your house on it.)

So the Melbourne Cup is Tuesday which, even if you're not into horse racing, still manages to get most people's attention for a few minutes. It's the race that stops a nation (TM) (c) Pty. Ltd. AO. OAM. PhD.

In Victoria especially, it is a day for getting pissed at breakfast, overstuffing yourself with lobster for lunch, losing all your hard earned-cash in the afternoon and going to work on Wednesday with a massive hangover. It's my favourite day for the year, especially because the extended Perseusian family actually gets together for once. Christmas we're all a bit, "Meh, whatever" but Cup Day is massive for us.

On to the tips. Everyone has been talking about Septimus from the UK, you know, it's the best horse EVAH and shit, but it's only ever run on wet tracks in Europe and if it doesn't piss down the day before or on Cup Day, I say forget about it.

Mad Rush is another international raider that has a strong finish, and Littorio, who's like a pesky little girl, cannot be ruled out.

But my $10 each-way is going on a horse called Nom De Jeu, who came second in the Caulfield Cup (after coming last at the turn) and won the derby last year. It's an NZ horse and they have a great tradition of taking all that's dear to us. Melbourne Cups, our women, our sheep. It'll probably start at about 12/1, so if you put $10 each way ($20 total) and it wins, you'll get about $160 back.

So I suggest $10 each way on Nom de Jeu, and maybe $5 each way on Mad Rush just in case. Unless it pisses down in rain, then change that to Septimus. Total outlay: $30.

Or you could just spend that money on more piss.

26 comments:

WitchOne said...

I love the Cup, when I worked in media we'd go to the track and piss up at someone else's expense. When I worked in promotions, the booze companies paid me to piss up at their expense. Then I changed to IT, again, more piss at someone else's expense.

You know, Telco is shit for free piss.

Change that. I hate the Cup. It's another day, more renovations to do on the house, just an extra day to do them in.

Aesophia said...

My family get together & bet Smarties. We pull horse names out of a hat until there's no more & Smarties go to whoever comes first, second & third.

Of course, unless it's one of the kiddies, the Smarties end up getting shared around. And because I don't really like chocolate* nobody minds if I win, cos I'm donating it back the chocoholics of the family. I like them odds :)

*I know, crazy woman that I am.

Aesophia said...

And Witchie, Telco is shit for everything, you should know that by now!

homesick said...

Since high school I have 'stopped' for Cup day.

Over here in the Carib I must be content to wage nothing more than $1(US) dollar per horse in a sweep that must include Kiwi expats on the island in order to ensure all horses are drawn.

Enjoy your biggest day Victoria (AFL final meh)... a hangover that will always be well worth it.

Aesophia I too hate chocolate and many female friends are appauled.

squib said...

I've always wanted to go and see the Cup in real life and dammit one day I'm going to, yesiree

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

On the first Tuesday in November, we have the Melbourne Cup.

On the first Tuesday in November every four years, the Yanks hold their Presidential election.

Coincidence? I think not!

Oh, wait. It is a coincidence.

My mistake.

Boogeyman said...

Actually Ramon, the winning horse in each of those four years is shipped to the US and rendered down into a draught that the incoming President must chugg as part of their first Whitehouse hazing.

It's an ancient ritual to strengthens Oz-US relations dating back to a young horse named Pharlap.

WitchOne said...

Ummm, just realised this thread is titled incorrectly. First hangover in November? I think not, any self respecting alcoholic will have a hangover tomorrow.

social disaster said...

Back in the days before they electrified the train line down to Kiama we used to have to change trains at Dapto on the way home from school (yes I've been to Wollongong AND Dapto) and on the first Tuesday of November every year our train and the entire cityrail network were delayed while our driver sat on his arse in the station waiting room and watched the race. Grr, etc.

Dr. Golf said...

When I was about 10 I was at our local country race meet, when some kid dared me to sneak into the Jockey's change room.

What i saw that day would haunt me for years to come. Tiny men wearing pantihose while chain-smoking.

Melba said...

The only time I ever went to the Cup we got in by paying $15 each to a dodgy character out the front wielding a VCR rubber stamp for entry, and I sat on the lawn, breastfeeding our 6 week old daughter, careful not to let drunks fall on her.

It was quite ill-advised but quite fun. There was champagne involved, but only the one.

I've had absolutely no interest since.

Mr E Discharge said...

on the first Tuesday of November every year our train and the entire cityrail network were delayed while our driver sat on his arse in the station waiting room and watched the race.

I can remember trying to explain the whole Cup Day thing to a Japanese Businessman on a plane once. In the end I think he finally got it, or maybe he was just being polite.

Perseus said...

I'm not interested in chocolate either.

And Squib, going to the Cup itself is only good in the corporate areas where the drugs and grog are free, or in the members where you can actually see the race. Nobody else actually sees it. Best view of the Cup is in front of the telly.

homesick said...

Imagine sitting in a private debenture during Ascot, waiter service with all the Verve and hor'derves you can scoff with Betty and Phil in the Royal Box only a couple of metres away.

I made sure I was surrounded by the horse owner and his toffy friends before I let rip with...

"Its nice and all but it nothing on the Melbourne Cup, Now THATS a race meet"

This was a dare and I made more money from than on any of the horses dammit.

And for the record Witchy I too was working in media at the time and the debenture owner was my boss (who luckily for me had a sense of humour).

squib said...

I'm pretty tall Persey. I reckon I'd be able to see it

WitchOne said...

Good show homesick!

Boogeyman said...

It's only 9 in the morning, and I'm already sick to the teeth of phrases like "Melbourne Cup", "races", "punt" and "punter", "fashions on the field", and "Def Leppard naked orgy with Motley Crue in butter factory".

squib said...

Just when the tenors were warbling away there was a knock at the door. Jehovahs's Witnesses. I said, 'The Cup is about to start,' and they STILL tried to give me a Watchtower.
That's just wrong

eat my shorts said...

I forgot all about the Melbourne Cup until about half an hour ago when a colleague asked me if I won anything.

I won not having the Melbourne Cup shoved down my throat, does that count?

Perseus said...

Sorry to everyone who took my tips.

WitchOne said...

I went to a Melb Cup BBQ and we forgot to watch the race. A late arrival asked us how we went, we forgot to run a sweep. Guess we all won.

The food was awesome, the company amazing, the after race speeches which we did manage to catch had us in stitches!! Bart Cummings, arrogant but at 81 let it be. He does make a habit of winning these things, at least his old age does not appear to extend to senility just yet.

catlick said...

Perseus I'm on my way to Mass. If your religious and philosophical insights are as good as your tips, then I'm hedging my bets.

homesick said...

Now that 'the Cup' has run and you're all nursing monster hangovers....

..when does the TSFKA U.S presidential election coverage commence?

Ramon, please. Its only 7.15pm here and already I'm tired of CNN's
clever graphics and Fox's right- winged nonsense.

Stubbadub said...

Homesick, is there any point in commenting on what seems to be a one horse race? I think the time could be better spent comparing Coopers Pale Ale to Boags Lager or how good my chances are of getting a new job if I am made redundant in the current economic climate.

Actually, that’s a good topic. Is everyone out there busy work-wise at the moment? I work in an architectural office, and it’s like someone turned the work tap off about 4 weeks ago. We are very, very quiet. Most other consultants I talk to are in a similar boat, experiencing the quietest lead-up to Christmas in a very long time. Contractors are quiet, clients are quiet, it’s all a little scary considering 5 people have been laid off here in the last 2 weeks.

However, the word on the street is should pick up at the beginning of next year, particularly if infrastructure projects come online.

wari lasi said...

I'm glad I only read this today Perseus. I probably would have gone with your tips because I know fuck all about horses.

I do know about buffalo though, I shot two of them on the weekend.

Now that was a hoot.

And I'm with homesick, where's the US election coverage that Ramon promised us?

wari lasi said...

Oops. Sorry, there it is.