Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Punter: "My scruffy shame"

Get a shave, goose.

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE CAPTAIN OF THE AUSTRALIAN TEST TEAM, RICKY PONTING

Punter,

I know things are a bit tough at the moment.

Your batting career seems to be going down the toilet, you’re leading a team that played like a pack of dills and the way we’re going, we’d be hard-pressed to beat the Irish test team, but really – is this any excuse for letting yourself go like this.

I mean, is it really so hard to shave properly.

Get a grip man. What sort of message is this to be sending to the yoof of Australia?

And speaking of yoof.

The Hun today had their front page, a two-page splash and an editorial all devoted to the shenanigans of some Year 12 students at Melbourne’s Xavier College – a posho mick school in the eastern suburbs – because OMG, OMG, OMG, it’s the end of civilisation as we know it.

Or not.

As the case may be.

At least it knocked the Lapthornes off the front page.

16 comments:

Perseus said...

Win/Loss for Australia in past 20 years:

Wins: 4,657,100
Losses: 1

I think we're jumping the gun a bit. One thing's for sure... Hayden has to go. I thought Siddle was good, and Cameron White will be Captain one day so you may as well keep him in and give him practice on stupid, fucked, ugly Indian pitches designed to annoy every visiting team.

The Xavier thing is hardly surprising. It's the school of choice for the sprog of cashed up Underbelly gangsters.

Besides, Catholics need to let loose every now and then cos of all that guilt shit.

Stupid micks.

Boogeyman said...

I dunno Ramon. The long historical march of cricket players isn't distinguished by many clean jowls.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Pers - poms gave us a bit of a pantsing in 2005.

Boogey - I say either go the full W.G. Grace or nuthin'.

Boogeyman said...

Give him time, Ramon. He's barely out of puberty.

Even Shane Warne barely managed more than a Don Johnson fuzz. But to be fair, he was plundering his body hair to shore up his receding Advanced Hair (yeah yeah) hairline.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Pfft, Boogey.

I had the full W.G. Grace rig by the time I was 20.

What's wrong with the yoof of Australia, that's what I ask.

Stupid micks

Hi, catlick!

Mr E Discharge said...

Given the current economic situation, Britt Lapthorne provides a slendid example to todays yoof.
Her Message:
"Even when you can't keep your head above the water, the important thing is to stay afloat."

Jamie said...

Ponting's shortcomings have been revealed now he no longer has the cricket team of he century under hi command. He merely inherited years of success.

I did some work on he Xavier yarn the other day. It gladdened my heart (and, in my own mind, justified the hefty state school chip on my shoulder) to do so.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Quite so, Jamie.

The wheels started to come off and he couldn't cope.

Or shave.

Many, many years ago, I used to work on the 69 tram that took the kids to Xavier.

Bigger pack of cunts I have not met.

Boogeyman said...

Worse the the boyz of St Joe's, Ramon?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Pretty much, Boogey.

Born-to-rule, two-bob snobs*.

*Favourite saying of my mum.

social disaster said...

The Aussie cricket team was always going to suck after McGrath and Warne retired. At least Lee isn't as expensive as he used to be.

Perseus said...

I dunno SD, he's taken 3 wickets at 55 or something so far this series, but in his defence, the pitches are not conducive to fast bowling.

I really don't think we need to start firing and sacking players. Maybe Hayden will be the fist to go, but Siddle, White, Tait, Johnson are all young and are just going to get better over the next year or two. Ponting is still (arguably) in the Top 3 Batsmen in the world, Clark and Hussey are usually hot, Haddin just needs a few more international matches, S. Clark will be back for the next Test and Andrew Symonds will be back for the summer.

We just need one shithot spinner and we'll be be unbeatable again.

social disaster said...

What's going on this summer anyway? I think they've dropped the triangular one day series. That makes me a sad panda.

Phil Talking said...

He's just fishing for a massive sponsorship from Gillette. Or Schick. Or both.

Jamie said...

SD, I have long argued that Brett Lee is a pretender. And given that I published that opinion on the internet, it must be true.

social disaster said...

My mum was his roll call teacher so I support him because I know someone who kinda knew someone who is omgwtf famuz!!

I'll just neglect to mention that my mother also taught Natalie Bassingthwaaitaithte