Monday, October 6, 2008

Jesus, Too Early!

Just like Weekend Hussler's stupid 4-deep run around the bend about 400 metres before it was necessary (trifecta: ruined), the following is a list of things that happen too early.

1. US Presidential Coverage: This has been going since late last year when Hilary and Barack first started mucking about. I’ve been hearing about this fucking election for almost a year and I’m so, so sick of it. Hurry up and hold the election for fuck’s sake. I hate you all.

2. Christmas. It’s only October and already my local supermarket have snuck some tinsel out. There should be a law that Christmas decorations can be legally marketed only after December 1.

3. Melbourne Cup betting. There’s about 400 horses still eligible. How about you all wait until the week beforehand, after acceptances, before running me through the form-guide?

4. Daylight Saving(s). I got an extra hour of sunlight in my afternoon yesterday. I didn’t care.

5. Costello’s Diaries. He’s still in Parliament! So, he’s restrained, to a degree (by the way, I’ll be reading/reviewing this book in the next fortnight). Attention all politicians and sportspeople – wait until you’ve retired and can speak openly before releasing your magnum opus, otherwise your words are just a collection of dry, boring observations that barely improve the blank page. Thanks.

6. Costello’s Retirement. Instead of rumour, innuendo, educated guesses, suppositions and scenarios, how about everyone just waiting until he does retire from Parliament before writing about his impending retirement from parliament.

7. Speculation that U2’s next album will be shit. How about we all wait and listen to it first? Then again… their last 5 or 6 albums have been shit, so maybe it’s fair enough to go early on this. Yep. I'm going early on this one. It’ll be shit.

23 comments:

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Just like Weekend Hussler's stupid 4-deep run around the bend about 400 metres before it was necessary

Pers, many of these words appear to be English, yet I understood none of them.

Care to explain?

Perseus said...

You and sport just don't mix well.

Mr E Discharge said...

PQ,
I think you should check out the website of our most recent arrival Ms Funster.

Perseus said...

Hmm, so she needs a man with a chainsaw, hey? I can help! Oh. Wait... "Interests: God."

catlick said...

2. Christmas. It’s only October and already my local supermarket have snuck some tinsel out. There should be a law that Christmas decorations can be legally marketed only after December 1.

I await the moment when they decorate Christmas trees with Easter Eggs. Eventually the two "in-store promotions" will overlap.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Oh. Wait... "Interests: God."

This from a man who reviews the Bible as a hobby.

Perseus said...

Only in order that I may know thine enemy, Ramon.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Maybe Comrade Funster's motivations are the same, Pers.

She might be your soul mate.

Interested in your take on the Costello book, BTW.

Did you fork out good dosh for it?

squib said...

Yeah and anyway how is Leviticus coming along Persey? Certainly your review on that count is not early. I hear Leviticus bores even the most devout rabbi to tears

Fad MD said...

We've had Christmas decorations out in stores since the first week in September. Some are even decorated with Jack'o'lanterns which is many shades of wrong.

They also seem to take Halloween very seriously here. I was taking the little Fads for a walk when the elder one asked "Daddy, why is that head on a stick?"

We were passing a yard with 5 prosthetic heads on stakes, a zombie half dug into the grass so it looked like it was crawling out of a grave (complete with Ninoy Aquino headstone.... niiiice!), and a nicely turned out skeleton in a gibbet.

Don't think we'll walk that route for the rest of the month.

Perseus said...

Costello Memoirs: $55

The other two books I bought just so I wasn't only buying the Costello book: $50.90

My humiliation when the clerk started talking very loudly about how I was the youngest person that's bought the Costello Memoirs, by 'like about 20 years': Priceless.

*

Fad, I like the idea of Halloween. Heads on sticks are much more interesting than flying reindeer and fluffy rabbits with chocolate. Besides, I freakin' hate pumpkin (foul, orange mush) and any chance to defile it is good in my books.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

You paid the full RRP, Pers?

You're a mug.

They'll be giving them away when you buy 10litres of petrol, any day now.

squib said...

It could have been worse. He could have been buying 'New Dawn' "for a relative" and trying to cover this up with "New Scientist"

patchouligirl said...

Sorry to go off topic(s) but our weekend was dominated by the footy grand final and associated celebrations. And yeah, Big W have the Xmas trees out up here already too. I want one with built in lights and decorations so I dont have to do any actual work assembling it.

Boogeyman said...

Besides, I freakin' hate pumpkin ... and any chance to defile it is good in my books.

Apparently you're not the only one to think so, Perseus.

squib said...

Boogey I'm curious, did you google pumpkin/defile just now or was that already on your favourites?

Perseus said...

I wouldn't waste my spoof on a pumpkin. I'd prefer to fuck Amanda Vanstone.

I hate pumpkin in the way Ramon hates owls.

Fad MD said...

I also quite like Halloween but the displays here are just a touch too graphic for my young 'uns.

I hate pumpkin in the way Ramon hates owls.

Ah, so you're scared of them!

Desci said...

Owls are lovely. As is pumpkin.

patchouligirl said...

But Sea Eagles rule.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Owls/pumplin = both great when roasted.

Stubbadub said...

But Sea Eagles rule.

I disagree, and counter with the comment that the Eagles just sucked less then the Storm.

eat my shorts said...

Orright. Here's my 2 cents. Much like the youthful minds I influence each day, you didn't ask for it, but you got it regardless. Sucks to be you.

1. Agreed. Over it before it began.
2. Agreed. Sneaky bastards think we won't notice.
3. I must be living under a rock (or in Tasmania), haven't heard anything about the Melbourne Cup.
4. Srsly. Harden the fuck up and get over it.
5. & 6. Don't give a shit about Costello. I haven't heard anything about him lately either, except here (but I have selective hearing when it comes to politics, so that could be it).
7. It will be shit. It will still sell heaps. Bono is a big cunt and if I ever met him I wish I'd have the balls to tell him that. But I'm a pussy.