Just like Weekend Hussler's stupid 4-deep run around the bend about 400 metres before it was necessary (trifecta: ruined), the following is a list of things that happen too early.
1. US Presidential Coverage: This has been going since late last year when Hilary and Barack first started mucking about. I’ve been hearing about this fucking election for almost a year and I’m so, so sick of it. Hurry up and hold the election for fuck’s sake. I hate you all.
2. Christmas. It’s only October and already my local supermarket have snuck some tinsel out. There should be a law that Christmas decorations can be legally marketed only after December 1.
3. Melbourne Cup betting. There’s about 400 horses still eligible. How about you all wait until the week beforehand, after acceptances, before running me through the form-guide?
4. Daylight Saving(s). I got an extra hour of sunlight in my afternoon yesterday. I didn’t care.
5. Costello’s Diaries. He’s still in Parliament! So, he’s restrained, to a degree (by the way, I’ll be reading/reviewing this book in the next fortnight). Attention all politicians and sportspeople – wait until you’ve retired and can speak openly before releasing your magnum opus, otherwise your words are just a collection of dry, boring observations that barely improve the blank page. Thanks.
6. Costello’s Retirement. Instead of rumour, innuendo, educated guesses, suppositions and scenarios, how about everyone just waiting until he does retire from Parliament before writing about his impending retirement from parliament.
7. Speculation that U2’s next album will be shit. How about we all wait and listen to it first? Then again… their last 5 or 6 albums have been shit, so maybe it’s fair enough to go early on this. Yep. I'm going early on this one. It’ll be shit.