The rapid approach of 31st October fills me with dread for two reasons.
Firstly, it’s more than likely that we’ll get some of the neighbourhood kids coming around to our front door, demanding “trick or treat”.
Given this will be on Friday evening and I’ll already be half-cut, I predict something along these lines.
Adorable neighbourhood kids: “Treat or treat!”
Me: “Aw, shit kids. I dunno what we’ve got but I’ll see if I can rustle up a couple of beers for you.’
Mrs INH: “RAMON!!!!!!!”
Seriously, haven’t we got enough crap popular culture from the US** already? It’s just beyond embarrassing.
Secondly, all the usual pagan deadshits will be banging on and on and on about “Beltane” and how the Christian church has stolen their holiday and witch burnings and the usual palaver.
Quite frankly – just fuck off. You’re with people that makes the Seventh Day Adventists look normal, you insist on going “sky-clad***” when you really, really, really don’t have the physique for it, you’ve got an (organic) chip on both shoulders and I’m not surprised the authorities killed so many of you in centuries past – it was probably to get you to SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
I don’t like any religion and I’ll be buggered if I’m going to make an exemption for your particular bag of gibberish.
And while we’re talking about wankers, can somebody suggest to Catherine Deveney she might like to put a fucking sock in it?
Sweet Jesus, she’ll be talking about dewdrops on roses and whiskers on kittens next.
*Obviously not you, Witchie.
**I am aware Halloween originated in iron-age Celtic cultures. Are you an iron-age Celt? Exactly, I thought not.
***In the nuddie.