Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The 3rd Way

I was going to write the following theory as a comment to Ramon’s Hezbollah post, but decided this was such a political and philosophical breakthrough that it deserved its own little space.

The left wing/right wing political scale is sadly inadequate. It's just 1 dimension after all. Perseus helps by creating the 'south wing' and also creating, by implication, a 'north wing'. Still, this doesn't go far enough. We're still only working with 2 dimensions here. Most of us live in a 3 dimensional world.

I therefore propose a political scale based on 3 dimensions: Left and Right (Width), North and South (Height), Front and Back (Depth).

The left and right indicates economic orientation. Strict, state-controlled socialism at one extreme and pure free market capitalism at the other.

On the north and south axis we have social orientation. We have a free or liberal society with values such as unlimited freedom of thought and speech to the south and social conservatism, with its old fashioned, Howard-like values to the north.

On the front and back or ‘depth’ axis, we have total, government-less anarchy at the front and dictatorship at the back.

We now have a much wider – if not somewhat more complex – range of labels to use. And we love labeling people don’t we? The names of these labels are yet to be determined, but, for example, if you were right, north and back (RNB), you’d be a pure fascist.

The book should be out for Christmas.

45 comments:

Melba said...

What made you place Howard-like values at the North and the dictatorship styles at the back? Was it arbitrary or did you get a "feel"?

So happy to come home from a Grade 6 graduation night and see this graphic.

Lewd Bob said...

Melba, it was mainly just a 'feel'.

Perseus had mentioned in a previous post that he was 'south wing' and I strongly suspect he doesn't hold Howard-like values. That was enough motivation for that one.

No real logic to any of the designations really (except left and right which apparently dates back to which side of parliament you sat on during the French Revolution, i.e. anti or pro Monarch).

Mr E Discharge said...

Bob,
There's a fatal flaw in your model. You need to intergrate a fourth dimension, Time.

Emeritus Professor Peter Garrett has demonstrated that Time can cause the other three axiis to not only bend, but in many cases curve back on themselves, forming stable policy wormholes, the observable effect of which varies relative to the position of the observer.

Lewd Bob said...

Nice, Mr E. Very nice.

Trouble is, I don't know how to represent that graphically.

Maybe in the interior of the cube there sits a bald head with a little clock in place of the brain, with curved arrows representing dynamic policy.

Perhaps a penis protrudes from the forehead.

Mr E Discharge said...

Maybe just keep the box and pretend there's a cat inside?

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

and pretend there's a cat inside?

Cats are natural anarchists, so that would skew the results.

Mr E Discharge said...

Did I say Cat? Sorry I meant Pidgeon.

wari lasi said...

Peter fucking Garrett. I used to hate him, but now I think he's cool.

He's exposed himself as the self- serving, opportunistic hypocrite that he has always been.

One of my favourite sayings, and I made it up myself, is, "Never trust a rich socialist".

squib said...

:) Mr E

The box is lovely Lewd, don't listen to them

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

It is a lovely box, Bob.

How long did it take you to make?

Boogeyman said...

and pretend there's a cat inside?

Is the cat dead or alive, or both? And which minister is responsible for killing or not killing the cat.

Mr E Discharge said...


How long did it take you to make?


Have you discussed pricing with Richard Pratt?

Lewd Bob said...

Thank you Squib, Ramon.

I created the box while watching Ocean's 11 for the eighth time. Consequently, it took 2 full ad breaks. The creation of the theory, however, took about 5 beers.

Mr E, The Pratt is currently unavailable for comment and, therefore, nefarious deals are pending. Happy to be taken over however. My share price should soar just through such speculation.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

if you were right, north and back (RNB), you’d be a pure fascist

Bob, fascists end to be rahter keen on the government controlling everything - including the economy.

On your box, a fascist would be more left(ish), north and back.

But it's still a nice box.

Lewd Bob said...

Yes you're most likely right, that is, correct. It was an example and a poor one at that. This is why I haven't yet invented the labels.

I suspect I'll have to invent fresh, previously unused labels. So perhaps RNB could be called, say, a Crumpet*.

*This term is currently used for a form of highly processed breadstuff but is not yet in common political usage.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Fascist = Crumpet.

Both should be well toasted, smeared in butter and eaten.

I like the way you think, Bob.

Boogeyman said...

Given the numerous scales one could apply to political thought, shouldn't that be some sort of n-dimensional hypercube, Bob?

I'd like to see you whip one of those up during ad breaks in MacGuyver.

Lewd Bob said...

As it happens Boogey, I specialised in n-dimensional hypercubes at the University of Superfluousness. They're pretty hard to draw. I'd need a whole Police Academy franchise worth of ad breaks for that one.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Cricket's just started, Bob.

Maybe you could knock up a couple of n-dimensional hypercubes between overs.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Also.

You're a fuckin' goose, Ponting

Lewd Bob said...

Jesus Christ. I just completed the hypercube and then was forced to throw it at the telly in a rage. Hayden, get fucked, you born again twat. Ponting, get fucked, you little bogan. Hussey, get fucked, you boring tit.

Perseus said...

You thieving cunt, Bob.

I'm sure I showed you my 'compass' years ago.

Left and right were east and west.

The more north you are the more reactionary you are.

I positioned myself South-West with my fellow chardonnay socialists. Hitler would be North East.

Admittedly, my compass was one dimensional. You've improved the theory with a box form.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

Yes, but you didn't do it as a cool box, Pers.

Lewd Bob said...

He possibly didn't do it at all. I don't remember any ridiculous compass. He's off his rocker. I'm calling for an enquiry.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I'm calling for an enquiry

Take it up with Bob Brown, Bob, he's fond of inquiring into things.

OMGOMGOMG - it's all just slotted into place.

Lewd Bob IS Bob Brown.

Lewd Bob said...

No comment. Other than this: if I see you standing next to me in that t-shirt Ramon, I'll punch you in the head.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I thought the Greens were into non-violent direct action?

Mr E Discharge said...


Lewd Bob IS Bob Brown.


According the "rules" of Quantum Superposition, Bob can be Bob Brown while at the same time not be Bob Brown, as long as nobody opens the box.

Boogeyman said...

I'm sure I showed you my 'compass' years ago.

I used to play that game too, but it was with the neighbourhood girls, I was only 8 at the time, and I'm pretty sure we never called it a 'compass'.

Lewd Bob said...

Let me assure you of 2 things:

1. I may or may not be Bob Brown.

2. I have never seen Perseus's compass in any guise.

wari lasi said...

You can't be Bob Brown Lewd.

You have a demonstrated a clear abilty to think in three dimensions and recognise various political and socio-economic perspectives.

Bob Brown is a useless one-dimensional fuckwit who three Tasmanians (Sorry EMS, but I hope you aren't one of them) voted for.

And I quite like the box.

Lewd Bob said...

The box seems to have taken on a life of its own. Before I know it, it will be dating other boxes, spheres or even pyramids. But I WON'T let it date a cylinder, by god I won't!

WitchOne said...

Can it date a cone?

catlick said...

"Can it date a cone?"

Can it even pull a cone?

Mr E Discharge said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr E Discharge said...

But I WON'T let it date a cylinder, by god I won't!

Shape-ist Cunt!

Tyler Cassidy held similar views, and where did he end up?

In a Box!

WitchOne said...

Tisk tisk tisk, the box always wins.

Lewd Bob said...

If there are 2 things I hate, it's intolerance for other shapes, and cyclinders.

Mr E Discharge said...

You say that Bob, yet your avitar shows you with a cylindrical object in your mouth.

To paraphrase the Bard, "Methinks the Lewdy protests too much!"

Lewd Bob said...

You're right. My ex-wife was a cylinder. There, I've said it.

catlick said...

I was dating a moebius strip for a while, but the relationship never seem to go anywhere.

Ramon Insertnamehere said...

I knew I'd seen that box before somewhere.

It was at Kevin07's victory bash last year.

It was trying to pick up a couple of pissed Goth boxes.

WitchOne said...

Lewd Bob, are you saying you ate your ex-wife?? That's a bit dramatic isn't it?

wari lasi said...

are you saying you ate your ex-wife??

I was not going there, but what the hell. Somebody has to.

Perhaps if he did she might not be his ex.

Just sayin'

Lewd Bob said...

That's a very tenuous link. Anyway, I haven't even been charged.